Disillusioned with an Illusion

[Aaron Wolfie]

Slightly unrelated but I feel it's led to an increase in my daydreams.

I was in a relationship about a month ago, with a woman 13 years older than me. Some may call that creepy, others may say it's fine. I personally felt a degree of security and actually felt protective over this person like any boyfriend would. However, my darling mother, like clockwork waded in there and started prying and judging and needless to say the whole situation went collateral. My mum and me had a huge bust up, I was almost made homeless. I eventually ended up painted into a corner where my mum told me I had to choose. Understandably I chose the only safe base I have right now.

I get texts telling me I am a liar and a player and "who would want a liar like you, you played me and I feel sorry for the next person. Karma is a b**ch". Then there is my mum on the other side making me feel like a useless son, bringing up "oh you can get with her she isn't nearly old enough to be your mum". I mean how disgracefully smug of someone who supposedly forced me to break up with someone because they "love me and want to protect me". She also, has implied that she won't ever forgive me or trust me fully again and keeps bringing it up at every opportunity. I was and still am to a degree heartbroken but I am trying hard to move on despite my confidence taking a thrashing and feeling low.

My access course is up too which means I have lots of downtime until September :/.

I am feeling a little vulnerable right now. I have lost my confidence with women and am losing faith in my mum as my ideal role model she has hurt me in so many ways. I just want a stable relationship, one that will preferably last beyond a year if that is at all possible. One that isn't determined by my mums' opinion. I feel heartbroken, it was the first time I'd ever really experienced intimacy on that scale, I actually spent the night asleep holding someone in my arms rather than waking up staring at their back. I felt worth something to someone. That woman said I'd regret it and I was before that message even showed up on my phone and still am despite trying to move on. 

What's more I am questioning whether I am hooked on toxic relationships or are they being poisoned by the claws of my mum who just can't let me go a little. To a degree I feel my mum has emasculated me and I don't feel desirable because I am so sensitive. To an extent the only thing I feel I can do is cut myself away from my mum and try again fresh.

Either way I feel unattractive right now, my confidence is running low and my MD is running riot. I just want something real, that isn't fantasy or an illusion for a change :/. 

Whenever, I get close to someone they hurt me or I end up getting hurt. I just want what I see with other couples without the pain or fear :(

Also, my driving test is in a couple of weeks and my confidence is rock bottom with everything, I keep making mistakes which is making me feel useless :(

[Aaron Wolfie]

Thats true, you can't help who you fall for. Maybe I should give dating a break for a little bit and focus on enjoying myself. Maybe I should just draw a line under this one. :) xx

[Artemis]

Age is but a number my friend and numbers are not important in life (unless you're a banker, then kinda). You need to pick yourself back up and get back out there or wait for someone that you are really into if you want a meaningful relationship. Maybe you should try to get your Mum to see your point of view :-) xx

[Aaron Wolfie]

I totally agree with you. I don't think its an unreasonable thing to want either is it? Thank you so much again Cordellia that's so kind of you all :)

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Btw, we're here to support you, so feel free to share your feelings and such with us anytime you want.  

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

It's a wonderful thing to have such a big heart.  You will grow into it.  September is only a few months away.  You don't have to necessarily burn bridges.  You just need to take away your mom's power to hurt you.  This happens with a lot of moms.  She needs to figure out how to be a good mom, and that doesn't involve giving you ultimatums or blackmailing you.  Maybe you can teach her that once you've put some space between the two of you and found your footing.  

[Aaron Wolfie]

Thanks Cordellia and The1andonlyAbber that means a lot, really it does. I am sorry for putting a ranty/unrelated post up I don't want to pull everyone down with my problems. I guess it just drove me crazy trying to suppress my emotions and I had to let it out somewhere. To be fair though, my daydreams have been going wild even more so since it happened. 

I am such a hopeless romantic, when it comes to these things, maybe I am at fault in that regard. I hate the thought of hurting someone I care about, it hurts me to know that they now hate me. I felt totally helpless in this situation as I'm dependent on my home right now and I really can't be in a position  get out until September. I agree with you totally Cordellia the things she was sending were slightly on the spiteful side, considering I hadn't intentionally gone all out to hurt her. I genuinely thought it was going to last and ended up equally as hurt. 

I agree with you both that I need to get out and intend to in September. The whole thought of it scares me because its totally starting again. It also saddens me knowing I could end up potentially burning bridges. 

I feel slightly lonely at the moment, maybe I need to build myself up a little more first of all so I'm less of a hopeless romantic. I wear my heart on my sleeve :/

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Unless you are a minor, you mother has no say in who you are dating, and she certainly has no right to emotionally blackmail you.  Of course, if your ex is texting you horrible things, that doesn't make her a prize, either.  I feel for you.  Some young guys just want to have a fling and then throw a woman away.  You want something real, and you deserve it.  If you're old enough to get out on your own, I think it's time you figured out how to do so.  If not, this kind of behavior will certainly continue.  It will probably continue even after you move out until you find your strength to tell your mom that you care about her and value her but will not put up with her emotional blackmail.  Maybe once you put some space between you and learn to stand up to yourself, she will have to learn that she will only alienate you by doing this, and one day she might stop.  If she doesn't, then she'll have to accept the consequence of your distance.  If she can't be a positive person in your life, then her role in your life will diminish until it is gone.  What a tragedy that would be.  

I know it's hard getting out on your own, but people who act this way don't tend to stop until they are given no other choice.  

We're here to support you.  

[The1andonlyAbber]

If you're over 18 (it sounds like you are but I'm not sure), I would definitely move out and avoid your mom as much as possible.