Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I don't know why it is, but my Maladaptive Daydreaming seems to have become more active lately. I think there is a good link between it and the events that are going on in my life. I've been having issues with my girlfriend lately and I'm scared about university. I am desperately trying to spend time with my family but sometimes it seems like they aren't fussed to which I'm guessing is fuelling my MD.
Tonight I'm particularly sad. I don't know why I've taken this to heart maybe I'm being over sensitive but for my brothers birthday I got him this game and I was so so desperate to see him play it and spend time watching him and advising him so I could spend some quality time with him before I go off to university. He kept being really reluctant to play it though and I thought maybe he didn't like it which made me feel bad. I kept trying to encourage him though and big it up and say what a good game it is and I'd love for him to play it and give us some rare time to bond.
I finally got him to play it and not even 5 minutes in he was like oh I can't be asked to learn the controls for this and he gave up. He said the thing is I'm fire and you are water I don't enjoy your games.
I felt my cheeks burning really red. I guess I got embarrassed that It was such a let down and so quickly. He said oh I'll keep playing it though but he didn't I just kind of disappeared downstairs and so did he and that was that. I feel a little alienated from my brother now I craved to spend some bonding times like the good old days where I'd watch him play games and help him solve puzzles it was like we were a team. I feel as I've got older I've just lost touch with everything and everyone.
My childhood is like a daydream now. It's so far from the modern realm I live in and I can't cope with the change. I'm so so frightened about university and I guess I was trying to claw back at some security. I didn't get it.
I can't bring myself to accept these big changes right now I'm so scared I seem to be MD'ing more like it's some kind of security blanket.
I'm scared to let go....