Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
This is my absolute first blog so allow me to extend my warm greetings to all of you.It's an absolute relief to know that I am not the only one in this world with this weird disorder(I know this line has become monotonous now as every Mder says it)which,I discovered a few months back,had a name,Thanks to Prof. Eli Somer,and my gratitude for the person who came up with the idea of creating this website for all of us which not only gives me a platform to share my troubles and know yours but also a sense of hope that I might recover someday from Maladaptive Daydreaming and reconnect absolutely with actual life around.
I,being an analytical person(or so i would like to think),have been studying the way my brain has been behaving and tricking itself making my life an absolute misery in the past 18 years of my highly scattered existence and reached several conclusions about the dysfunction. Mind you I won't just be speaking about MD here but also,as I suspect, it's evil by-product,Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I am an obsessive compulsive planner who just can't live with uncertainities of any kind.I make very intricate plans and revise them in my mind a 100 times.All of it drains my energy to an extent of not being able to implement those plans properly leading to more plans.So,yes you gathered right,my life is pretty difficult...but still manageable. I have been daydreaming for as long as a I can remember.Maybe from class 3 or 4 or 5,from the times I was introduced to headphones my daydreaming became more and more intense.In younger days,Shitty tv serials that I used to watch,triggered them.Now just about anything,a ,a thought,a film,a conversation,novel,and especially music are quite efficient triggers.And at times I guess I Don't even require a trigger,I just start. Daydreaming is a pleasure that I can't deny myself.It's so intensely satisfying,so compensatory for everything that I wanted to be but couldn't,Everything I wanted to achieve but couldnt,for a variety of reasons with which I will shortly be boring you with,My social anxiety and fear resulting from my low self-esteem being the foremost amongst those reasons.