Today, Septemnber 7th, is a date i always refer back to when reflecting on my life. Ive spent all of my life with MDD. But once i started middle school in 2004, thats when my DDing took a drastic turn. Thats when it became uncontrollable. It was definetly a coming of time in my life. But i feel as if my MDD stunted my growth. I cannot seem to let go of my past. Having MDD feels like having a time machine. I can go back and fix certain things and picture how my life wouldve been different. But i know thats all an illusion. The reality is, living in regret is the same as living in your own prison.

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Comment by KwanKwan on September 9, 2013 at 5:24pm

middle school made mine a lot worst too. i had so much B.S. going on in my personal life and i hated the way i looked so i just had to escape somewhere. Sadly that place was inside my head.

and like you i also imagine going back in time and fixing things and imagining how my life would be if this had happened or if i looked like this. But then it really started to depress me so i stopped.

it used to be better when i could play sports but now because of health issues i cant even do that.

Comment by Stormy on September 8, 2013 at 1:49pm

Middle school seems to be the age when so much happens that stays with a person forever. For us with MDD it's even more cemented I think. I remember that it was around 8th grade that mine took off intensely. It was a desperate feeling too. I can remember every feeling and emotion of it. In comparison to how it is for me now and how it was for me then is such a big difference though. I've never reflected the change before. Reading this makes me ponder so many things.

Comment by Rafael Hernandez on September 8, 2013 at 8:47am

yes, in middle school my mdd became harder and uncontrollably too.

now in 2013, im starting to control it, i cant stop doing it, but I'm controlling parts of my life that helps to mitigate many of the damage caused by too much mdd.

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