Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I felt much better. Strange, maybe the idea is still back there, but the sensation was that a large weight was lifted from my shoulders. I began to understand myself better and felt not alone. I actually feel more inclined in sharing it with really a closed group of loved ones. Slowly though...
I feel 1) relieved that I am not the only one having MD, and 2) happy that I was able to find a community like this. Throughout my life, I thought I was crazy and I knew having excessive daydreams (both negative and positive) is wrong, but I didn't know how to treat this 'disorder'. Now that I am more educated about MD, I am beginning to understand why I MD in the first place. I feel like I know myself even better than before.
I felt so great. For years I had thought that I was crazy, that I was a freak, that I was the only person in the world to struggle with this addiction. Then someone on yahoo answers said something about MDD, and I wondered what it was so I looked it up. I was so happy that is an actual condition and that others suffer from it too. I realized I wasn't the only one. And then I was overjoyed to read aall the experiences here, because they are so similiar to mine and I now know that others are going through exactly what I am going through.
I can't quite remember. Big things like that take a while to sink in, and so by the time it's fully sunk in, I've gotten used to it.
When I first heard of it and looked it up, I was shocked, but quite happy to know what was screwing up my sleep, what made me procrastinate so badly.
When I talked to the doctor about it, I guess it was good to have a professional opinion.
The problem is, now that I know what it actually is, and have had plenty of time to get used to it (known about it nearly a year now) I've started letting myself DD more, and though I know I shouldn't, I indulge in it more. Before finding out about it, I never fully realized it was something I actually did (how often do you think about breathing? Do you actually breathe normally? How do you know? Yeah, it was like that) and so I didn't really think of doing it, and so it wasn't being indulgent, it was more just doing something I often did. Now I know I shouldn't, yet it's worse, and I'm too soft on myself.
RELEIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I WASNT ALONE ANYMORE.I BELONGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I WASNT SURE WHERE OR WHAT TO BUT I BELONGED AND THAT WAS THE MAIN THING.THERE WAS A NAME FOR IT,A GROUP OF PEOPLE I COULD FEEL SOLIDARITY WITH.I UNDERSTOOD WE WOULD ALL BE DIFFERENT,HAVE DIFFERENT LIFE EXPERIENCES BUT I KNEW THERE WOULD ALWAYS BE THIS THING THAT JOINED US,I FELT WONDERFUL..................................EVENTUALLY SAD WHEN I SETTLED AND THOUGHT OF THE REASONS THAT MAY BE BEHIND IT ETC..................
OVER THE YEARS IVE REALISED THAT THIS ISNT SO CUT AND DRIED,BLACK AND WHITE ETC...............IVE JUST MADE GREAT FRIENDS.
XXXXLOVE TO ALL MY FRIENDS.
I was happy that I finally had an "answer"...but then it kinda bothered me to think that it is a disorder... and even though I'm not alone it's not exactly normal. :/
I've known for about a week now. Relieved that I'm not as "weird" as I thought I was. That I wasn't crazy. Yesterday was my first day of full will power. What I mean is, I made a constant effort to not DD for a full day. Because I was aware of it, I really realized how often I would slip into a DD. I was doing dishes and like no joke, more than 20 times my mind would wander. I'm also a "pacer" when I DD (obviously only in private). I didnt let myself do it though. I know some people are ok with MD. They look at it as a uniqueness and don't have a problem with it. I say to them, "Good on you!" But I don't like it. I never really have. I just could never help it. So I accepted it in secret and kept doing it. But it keeps me from doing things. Like I never really realized how much it affected my concentration until I actually made efforts to stop it. I love this website though. I don't feel ashamed anymore. I'm still not ready to tell friends or family but I don't feel like a freak anymore either. So to all my fellow MD'ers, those who embrace it and those who do not, I say good luck and thank you! Just being here with me has provided me with more strength than you all could possibly know!
At first I felt a little bit shocked as it fitted me perfectly and I really wasn't expecting to find an answer to my problem. I felt some relief and I felt some excitement. I also felt there was more clarity around my other mental health issues as well. I also suffer from psychosis and doctors always felt my deep involvement in fantasy was related to that but I always knew that the daydream aspect was separate from the voice hearing,trouble differentiating fantasy and reality, etc aspect. So for me it actually opened my eyes to a lot of things and actually helped me to understand how my psychosis developed so really discovering MD was very very beneficial and gave me a deeper insight into what made me, me.