this disorder has ruined my life

[M]

Please if someone has gun give it to me I want to shoot myself. I don't feel like living anymore 

[H]

I can give u a hug, a big one. You are not alone. 

[M]

: (( I don't want to live in this world anymore

[Valeria Franco]

Dear M, what happened? Please don't do anything that could harm yourself.

If you are afraid you will do something wrong, contact immediately the emergency number of your country.

I know life is hard and nobody gave us the operating instructions.

We just did the best we could. Sometimes the best we could do was to daydream.

We must forgive ourselves and take our life little by little back into our hand. We can't do it alone, that's why we are here, that's why there are people out there that knows how to deal with problems like yours.

The only thing you really want is to be relieve from the pain you feel inside, from the emptiness.

It's not about living. You just don't think, right now, that another way of living is possible. But I can assure you, it is.

[M]

I have DMed you the real issue but I have entrapped myself in the world of dreams that real life sucks, everything is a trigger and there are negative triggers that makes me miserable in my dream world to the point that I can't daydreaming which in turn starts to push me in real life and real life sucks, it's depressing and empty like a void. Nothing makes me happy, recently I bought a new car just to distract myself into the real world but guess what nothing makes me happy.

[Valeria Franco]

Depression is often mistaken with sadness.

But it's something very different, most of all, it's about emptiness.

You must take care of yourself and search for help, go to therapy. There's no way you can deal with depression alone. Mental health is serious, but somehow we behave like it's not. We would not expect ourselves to just wait and see if pneumonia goes away by itself, we go to the doctor. But with depression, we think that if we can't do it alone, we are weak. 

As Cain says, life is better, just give yourself the opportunity to experience it.

You must heal first.

[Cain]

I understand how you're feeling right now and I'm not going to try and undermine what you feel.

But just know, Life is better. I'm not saying it gets better. I'm saying it is better and we all just cannot experience it for some reason. 

You deserve to experience life as it should be experienced. And I hope you gather the courage to continue. It's going to be difficult. But know that it's not impossible.

Take care, M.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you here.

[Mary]

Same bro. I just eat milky oats with nutella instead. Yaknowwhat? I'll share this secret oats recipe just because I can.
1)Take vessel, low flame, toast rolled instant oats till aromatic.
2)add milk and a little sugar, cook till it looks cooked, serve.
3) take a spoonful of Nutella or any chocolate and place on side

Now you can use a spoon to take a spoonful of oats and adjust the taste with a tiny scrape of chocolate.

I have a spicy oats recipe too but I am not gonna disclose it. :) btw, md ruined my life too but I think it's a blessing that I atleast get to feel the coziness of my sheets or the coolness of the floor tiles. If I starve, I can simply go out and eat some grass or something. Or maybe the ants? They're protein too... and if I die, won't my plants die too? And the funeral expenses are way too much so I'll just wait for myself to become old so I become tinier in size and I'll be much lighter to lift up. I don't want people to remember me and it's enough that I was fed and clothed and felt the things I could feel and know the things is knew and even md is not enough. The world is too large and how many stories will I miss out on? When you play a videogame, don't you want the all the treasures for your own? I wanna build my mindspace so large till there is an entire scaled replica of this real world with a little extra spice. So my world will be bigger taht the world I actually live in and then I can die in peace.