Even though I am talking to all these people about their experiences and thoughts, I can't help, but feel a little...hopeless. Like aren't I suppose to be doing some thing. Shouldn't I try to re-coordinate my life in some way? My fantasies completely take over my REALITY and my fear is that reading so about so many other experiences will only validate my own. Sometimes I want to let my fantasies run and let it engulf me like an eclipse over the Sun. Other times I don't want to daydream, so I fight it and yet it still possesses nonetheless and I fall deeper into what feels like a rabbit hole. But how do we get out? Is there a way out? Why are our wild minds so adventurous it literally takes us away? If everything is said to have a purpose in life what is the purpose of being like this?

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I fully understand what you are feeling. I start to feel absolutely crazy when I catch myself "talking to myself" in the day dream. I really feel like something is wrong with me. I enjoy the escape so much, luckily it doesn't interfere with my "normal" life and I tend do it more often while hiking or after going to bed in the quiet of the night. I'm caught between wanting to stop and wanting it to last. So what do we do? I'm not sure.  Some days I feel more guilty than others but if I try to stop, it still overtakes my mind. Honestly I feel stupid talking to empty space. But this has been going on since I was very young. Back then it was perfectly normal for a child to make-believe and fantasize. As adults we're supposed to stop living that life and grow up, but why?  If we're not hurting anyone, we're taking good care of our families, we know when we have to shut it down to deal with real life problems, then why stop doing it. It relaxes my mind so I can face the real life problems that happen. I turn it off and when things calm down I pick up right where I left off. Now I try and see it as a relaxation technique. But that doesn't mean I don't feel weird doing it. I don't see stopping any time in the near future so I make the best of it and enjoy it until life calls again. Thats the best I can do.

I think the purpose of this sick fantasizing is to remind that something isn't quite right. Everything has a cause, and everything includes MDD. There's something somewhere that's going wrong enough to cause it, and of course it's different for every one of us. I suggest you dig into it until you find the root cause behind it, but know that if you do that you might run into things that don't make sense or things difficult to shove out of the way.

Yea lately I've been reading a lot of Eckart Tolle. he talks a lot about the ego and the mind. It's helping a bunch, not to mention my new found busy schedule, helps pass the time. Sometimes I still can't help, but feel crazy, but  like you said Savannah, just gotta give it the best you can. 

Savannah Scott said:

I fully understand what you are feeling. I start to feel absolutely crazy when I catch myself "talking to myself" in the day dream. I really feel like something is wrong with me. I enjoy the escape so much, luckily it doesn't interfere with my "normal" life and I tend do it more often while hiking or after going to bed in the quiet of the night. I'm caught between wanting to stop and wanting it to last. So what do we do? I'm not sure.  Some days I feel more guilty than others but if I try to stop, it still overtakes my mind. Honestly I feel stupid talking to empty space. But this has been going on since I was very young. Back then it was perfectly normal for a child to make-believe and fantasize. As adults we're supposed to stop living that life and grow up, but why?  If we're not hurting anyone, we're taking good care of our families, we know when we have to shut it down to deal with real life problems, then why stop doing it. It relaxes my mind so I can face the real life problems that happen. I turn it off and when things calm down I pick up right where I left off. Now I try and see it as a relaxation technique. But that doesn't mean I don't feel weird doing it. I don't see stopping any time in the near future so I make the best of it and enjoy it until life calls again. Thats the best I can do.

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