The plight of the introverted dreamer.

[Clinton]

Hello, i am so glad to find a place of people with somewhat of a similar mindset,

Though personally i have no idea what to do with my life ever since the things that happened years ago looming over me like a dark cloud.

For over the past 7 years ive been feeling lonely, misunderstood, and isolated, as i look at how my friends are able to start conversations so easily with people, while its hard for me to even start a single one.

So, i kept to myself, to fill the void that was in my heart, i confided in my room and used my imagination as a way to take my mind away from my troubles and to get away from my lonliness.

For you see, when im at school or in a public place its hard for me to be myself, so im mostly distant. But when im by myself, a completely different side of me is shown, where i dont have to worry about others criticism, and I could be anything, anyone, or anywhere in my mind, if only temporarily.

You see, the level of thoughts I was having required a great deal of mental focus but the end products were always so fascinating for they could engage the deepest of my emotions and so for the longest amount of time I had hoped I could physically produce a work of art the way it was meant to be shown,

to show people a side of me they never knew I had the main reason being because I had hoped I wouldn't feel so lonely and misunderstood and that maybe things would get better,

long story short things didn't go the way I had planned the troubles inside me translate its troubles in school, which translates to trouble in the home, stress at home takes its toll everywhere else ,it takes its toll on my mind and body as I struggle to maintain my level of thoughts and inner focus all this internal pain makes me feel sluggish and as if I'm bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders, my mind getting hazy as so many things are going through my mind as I try to find a solution.

My doubts fears and insecurities eating away at me even affecting the way I walk during the entire year of 2010 that was falling apart and by the end of it I lose my imagination and with that gone my main source of motivation which is made me very depressed for it feels like a very important part of my life is gone never to be found again.

Everything that happened back then, still hurts in one way or another. And i dont know what to do..

[Ulaan Gom]

I completely agree that MD is extremely tough and that the problems of real life often seem overwhelming. From my experience, I've noticed that the more I allow myself to daydream as a form of escape from real life, the worse my ability to handle problems in my real life becomes. And due to the fact I eventually have to come back to reality, I am hit by sharp pangs of pain whenever I happen to do so. However, it is so important to remember that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!!! No matter how many times we've been beat down, and no matter how terrible our life situations may seem, it always is possible to make a change. Making a positive change in your life, from my opinion, is one of the most rewarding feelings. As you start to improve your ability to deal with your real life, your desire to escape by daydreaming diminishes drastically. I believe that it is truly possible that one day you will be able to finally fill that void in your heart, start making easy conversations with others, deal with your troubles at home and school, and most importantly be able to express that side of you that you haven't been able to with the world. This truly is possible, and the only reason I am saying this is because reading your post really reminded me of how my life was a couple years ago, and I have been able to make so much improvement since then because I have been fortunate enough to be introduced to the idea that a better life is possible. My advice for you to deal with previous pain and move forward would be to start taking small steps to improve your real life. For example, every day you can commit five minutes of your time to working on a craft such as an art project, story, or science project. Build upon each day's progress on the same craft, and by no time you'll have something amazing beyond words. Next, if you're finding it difficult to communicate with others, I would start off small. If it makes you nervous to talk to anyone outside at all, I would start off by smiling at strangers and asking employees at stores simple questions. Such exercises will pay off over the long run. Finally, to deal with past emotional pain, I would recommend that you talk it out with someone if possible, and if not, write your feelings down somewhere and check out YouTube for videos related to how to deal with past emotional pain. You're life, I promise you, WILL GET BETTER!