Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I daydream for hours on end, and it's weirdly affecting my physical health. I use spinning to do it, and I do it in my room, which usually leads to me hitting my hand against walls, furniture, etc. I get swollen fingers A LOT. Also, my hands swell up anyways since I'm spinning for hours and the blood goes to my hands. And since spinning requires me to put my full body weight on my feet, it means they're usually sore and they get hard skin (or whatever it's called) on them, which I don't think will go away anytime soon, since I've been doing it every day for years.
Also yeah, feeling sad, no personality, lost, wanting to go back but too physically exhausted to, etc.
And getting interrupted is the worst, and I get short-tempered quickly.
sorry for writing so much haha :)
Doing this DD business greatly effected my health. I spent too much time in my room over the years on the computer. I think it effected my spinal column in the neck area, so my neck hurts like a bitch. I need ice, oil remedies and hot water, and exercise to soothe it. When I sit at my desk it's hell. When I lay down to sleep on my bed I'm good at first, but when I wake up, my head feels all bashed up, numb, bloodless, and just a nightmare. I can hardly sip my coffee and eat in the morning, so I get hungry an hour later, and bring up some snacks before lunch. I've also had issues with short breathing, and sound like Darth Vader around the house. I stayed at home during the pandemic, while freelancing and job hunting, barely going out anywhere. Even before the pandemic, I sat too much, and got haemorrhoids. I blame maladaptive daydreaming for putting my body in such awful shape. It made me just sit there and ponder for hours on end. I'm thinking of joining a fitness program.
I feel like I wasted my 20's and 30's. I was off on a good start until I started MD, all because of my social anxiety. I wasn't a high achiever in school, and went to an art foundation college. Took a bunch of courses that didn't guarantee success and money. I stupidly didn't consider second career options, decided to just work for a while. I became a job hopper, and then was pracitcally unemployed over the pandemic, with short temporary side gigs. It's been a whole year, and I'm still applying to companies! I've never had a difficult time trying to find work and anticipate interviews. It's like the working world suddenly got ruthless, especially for creative people. I've got my dad on my tail, as of now, wondering what's going on here.
Yeah. I got through college and got my degree. Thing is I had issues with creating a business. Like I just wasn't all grown up. So I decided to work for employers, and realized the field I'm in is not my calling. So I have to retrain for something else now. I never got my drivers license and didn't get my own place to live. I didn't even learn to travel. Because I was on mars most of the time. Now I'm really sorry. I live with people I can't stand. It's up to me to pick myself up and start all over again. You're right, it is rather sad. Yes, its embarrassing, I've had people look at me like I need a can scan. I have problems being attuned to things and don't act very vigilantly. I find it hard to believe I'll survive without dealing with difficult people who will give me hard time about my mental health. I didn't see this coming as a kid! I was having a very good time until I entered adulthood.
I believed GOOD things are going to come out of MD. That it would give me friends, relationships, hope, success, and an amazing life. It didn't—I had a disorder. It interfered with all of my plans. I didn't get anywhere. I actually got in trouble for being a daydreamer. My life went south. I'm struggling financially, live in a rut, and I'm under-educated with no friends and partners. Also it's Maladaptive Daydreaming, so it effected my growth and development. Now I have trouble taking care of myself and keeping my attention sharp and my head straight. People always get mad at me for something. So no, MD didn't guarantee any happiness. It was an escapism that took me away from improving my life. If I don't resolve my current situation soon, I'm going to be a very sorry person.
I was so young and naive to life. I didn't socialize with people and had no idea how I was emotionally impacting people with my behaviour. I didn't gather any facts that could sum up against what I was believing about in my head. I was very complacent and assumed that things were going to be Ok and I can meet someone who will like me back. When really, I had no perception of the world around me, let alone did I know jack-shit about other people. My maladaptive daydream filled my head with all these falsehoods that couldn't have ever compared to reality. I was definitely not liked any better for this. MD effected my life, because I wasn't growing up smart, well-adapted, responsible and fully developed. I was screw-balling around with my stupid daydreams. I learned late in the game that relationships take a lot of work and time, so does climbing up the career ladder. Even making your dreams come true takes a lot of effort! But I threw it all away to daydreaming over the years. Now I'm in hot water with my parents.I have to start over with a new career. It's just a mess. I never meant for anything this bad to happen. Apparently, in a world like this today, it's vital you must have your head screwed to your shoulders.
I wonder if whatever I'm chasing after in Life is not made to be a "real thing." I was hoping to meet the love of my life. I never ever met this person. I got on with a few people, but we didn't connect, and our encounter was short. But I never met my significant other. It makes me wonder if I was made to be single and persevering life by myself. Some fantasies, they stay fantasies.
Thanks. I've got it tough, right now. I'm jobless and doing boring tasks to get through it all. It feel so relentless. I hope there's an outcome soon. I'm sure I'll meet someone too.
I'm assuming that you're referring to symptoms after leaving daydreaming. Although I haven't quit completely because, at this early point, I can't. But I have realised that it is a coping mechanism. If I let go it, I feel numb. I realised that I haven't lived as a person or as me ever since I let MD take over myself. I feel empty and seem to have zero idea as to who I am. The lack of zeal, self, emotions and feeling of being a robot who is sitting on a sofa are some of the symptoms. This is also something which seems to drive my slips in between the day. There's nothing clear as to my personality, opinions, values, preferences, likes etc. There is some idea but the doubt is far greater. Also, being completely present without MD is a surefire way of loads of repressed emotions coming to the fore. It is hard to control as many of my most robust emotions are about people talking over me at work or disrespecting myself and making me feel weak. They strike me hardly and there is an intense desire for MD to take over. One thing which I've observed is the huge distinction between being without MD and with it. The person I am in my fantasies is totally opposite to who I am in real life, however broken I might be. The person in fantasies is trying to run away from the huge insecurities, problems, unresolved traumas I have experienced in my real life. What I am trying to get at is that what I do in MD has nothing to do with the real ME.