Please help, my daydreams have become too much :-(

[Nicola]

Hello

I'm Nic, I've experienced MD since I was a child and for the most part it has been a comfort to me. Being able to escape the real world and escape into a fantasy world is something that has always provided great pleasure.

I've always gone through phases where my daydreaming becomes intense, usually for approximately 2 or 3 weeks max, where I lose days and weeks just daydreaming and my real life becomes ignored and neglected. However after a period, the severity dies down and although MD is always present I can still conduct a regular life.

However, I've now been in a severe phase for 3 months now, which is the longest I've ever known. I daydream in my bed listening to music and so I've pretty much spent the past 3 months in bed. I am managing to work but only the bare minimum I need to. My job is flexible in that I can work as little or as many shifts as I like. I am managing just enough to get by, approx 6 or 7 nites per month. The rest of the times I am constantly daydreaming.

Although I enjoy daydreaming, I realise I need to do something now, as I am neglecting my friends and family, this lifestyle isn't good for a persons physical health and I had a brief episode of social anxiety at work. Whilst in handover I became overwhelmed and had a massive urge to run out of the ward. Lucky I managed to contain myself, but I can't risk that happening again. Another concern is that with MD we express emotions present in our daydreams. For example when a character cries, I get ready eyed, when a character laughs, so do I. Also I know we are known to make many facial expressions as we MD. Up to now I've always been able to control my MD and not do it in social situations, however this control is currently fading. I find myself drifting into daydreams at work then find myself grinning or looking sad. I work on a mental health ward, so you can imagine if I'm caught, people will think I am responding to hallucinations!

I'm really stuck in the phase and as much as I enjoy it, it needs to stop. But at the same time I'm quite devastated at the prospect of it stopping. My family want me to see a Doctor but how can I explain MD? It was hard enough telling my family and I don't even think they believe it. My mum just thinks I'm depressed. I really don't know what to do but I do know this can't continue.

If anyone has any suggestions I would be extremely grateful to hear them.

Thanks xx

[Truthful Alibi]

OK, I don't know if this is helpful or not, but when I DD so much I almost get confused with my real life and my DD life, I'm really hard on myself, I basically yell at myself or get my DD characters to yell at me to stop DDing so much, and muster all the willpower I can to stop. If I catch myself slipping off into a daydream, I force myself to focus again.

I don't know how much help this will be, it normally only works for temporary periods.

Another thing you could try is meditation, it may seem random, but if you just sit comfortably and focus on your breathing while picturing your lungs inflating and deflating, it can help. Picturing your lungs working also lets you imagine, but not waste your time DDing.

One final suggestion, you could write, make music or art. If you let your creativity out in a different way that is not so time consuming, you might DD less since your 'creativity drive' is burnt out and tired. However you may then become addicted to writing, drawing, playing an instrument, singing, painting or something like that, and end up spending half the night doing that, like I do (I write).

Sorry if these suggestions weren't helpful, but if they are feel free to bow down and kiss my feet XD joking 

[Nicola]

Hi Truthful Alibi

Thanks for your reply, u have given me some great suggestions. I think willpower is def the key here :-)

If your suggestions work I will be happy to kiss your feet haha, but if they are really smelly then I may have to blow them a kiss instead lol ;-)

Thanks again

Truthful Alibi said:

OK, I don't know if this is helpful or not, but when I DD so much I almost get confused with my real life and my DD life, I'm really hard on myself, I basically yell at myself or get my DD characters to yell at me to stop DDing so much, and muster all the willpower I can to stop. If I catch myself slipping off into a daydream, I force myself to focus again.

I don't know how much help this will be, it normally only works for temporary periods.

Another thing you could try is meditation, it may seem random, but if you just sit comfortably and focus on your breathing while picturing your lungs inflating and deflating, it can help. Picturing your lungs working also lets you imagine, but not waste your time DDing.

One final suggestion, you could write, make music or art. If you let your creativity out in a different way that is not so time consuming, you might DD less since your 'creativity drive' is burnt out and tired. However you may then become addicted to writing, drawing, playing an instrument, singing, painting or something like that, and end up spending half the night doing that, like I do (I write).

Sorry if these suggestions weren't helpful, but if they are feel free to bow down and kiss my feet XD joking 

[Jules]

Hi Nic - Yes Truthful Alibi has some great suggestions. I do understand how worrying constant DDing can be. I shared not too long ago that I told my councellor about my DDs and she amazingly said, that my character perhaps needed to be listened to. What does she need/want? ...in my DDs. And we will continue to work on how I can possibly get some of my needs met. Hope you find someone who you can have a good chat to about these things.

Just know, that you are not alone with this. Please keep in touch about how things go...

[Nicola]

Hi Jules

Thanks for your reply also :-) I'm interested to hear you have a counsellor. How do u find it, talking to someone like that about your MD? My family want me to see a Doctor but as MD is quite unknown I'd be concerned my doc would think I am delusional and thought disordered instead.

Il def let u know how I get on with all this. I think I'm going to do more research into MD. I'm thinking if I learn more about it, I may learn to deal with it better.

Thanks again :-)

Jules said:

Hi Nic - Yes Truthful Alibi has some great suggestions. I do understand how worrying constant DDing can be. I shared not too long ago that I told my councellor about my DDs and she amazingly said, that my character perhaps needed to be listened to. What does she need/want? ...in my DDs. And we will continue to work on how I can possibly get some of my needs met. Hope you find someone who you can have a good chat to about these things.

Just know, that you are not alone with this. Please keep in touch about how things go...

[Lisa Smith]

I too go through 'phases' almost constantly lasting a couple weeks; i can describe them as for the first few weeks ill be working out, eating healthy, being more 'present' around strangers, going out more, getting things accomplished and then slowly it will fade into the next phase; where im very lazy and just stay in my room all day watching tv, daydreaming, eating junk, getting my sleep patterns messed up and basically just wasting oxygen. Even though this might sound somewhat normal, these 'cycles' are very noticable to me, its almost like routine...im actually able to say 'ok the next few weeks are going to be a lazy phase'...Im thinking this cycling may be due to OCD or perfectionism, because for me its perfect or nothing you know what i mean?

 

And as far as my emotions go, usually when i day dream im happy but during the actual period of a big binge ill be very depressed...what concerns me is that this sort of sounds like bipolar :S...sorry for rambling about mental disorders but i am trying to figure out if MD may be a symptom of something else, or if it may even cause other mental illness (if this is the case then MD would not be natural, and in fact would be caused by some kind of circumstance that caused us to not be able to lead a fulfilling life). My adivce would be to try to find a reason for your day dreams or something in your life you may be lacking or even start noticing habits you have. Just be more aware of yourself and your feelings and thoughts all the time. Thats what i do (hypochondriac over here :P). Meditation helps acheive this state of awareness in the present moment.

 

When you are ready, talk to somebody about it.  i went to a pychiatrist which wasnt a big help because she didnt understand what was wrong with me...however i didnt even understand what was wrong with me then, so maybe if you can explain it clearly they can give you good advice. Cognitive therapy is excellent. I would also recomend this book called 'Get out of your mind and into your life' by Steven Hayes. And if you find that nobody understands you, which is what ive had to deal with, youre just going to have to get to know yourself better and learn to be confortable with everything about yourself and that will make you such a strong person. I was able to help myself this way, however daydreaming remains to be a problem...but just being aware of it is the beginning; something inside you has shifted and the healing process has already begun.

 

And one more thing about doctors, i had mentioned to mine that i would sometimes imagine im somebody else and she offered me to share my day dreams but i wasnt able to express myself properly; anyways she told me that when people arnt fullfiled in their real lives they will create imagnary worlds, she told me to stay in reality as much as i could but not much else. The point is i think doctors know that people can turn to escapism in the form of daydreams even though they may not know what MD is, so its worth giving it a try. Bring them articles and accounts on MD to make them understand better.

[Nicola]

Wow thanks Lisa, that's given me a few things to think about and you are so right!

I've never been happy with my real life so I know that's why I daydream, but I struggle to do something about my real life because I daydream lol. I think there's def a lot more I need to learn about myself and MD, then il think about presenting it all to a health professional :-)

Thanks again :-)

Lisa Smith said:

I too go through 'phases' almost constantly lasting a couple weeks; i can describe them as for the first few weeks ill be working out, eating healthy, being more 'present' around strangers, going out more, getting things accomplished and then slowly it will fade into the next phase; where im very lazy and just stay in my room all day watching tv, daydreaming, eating junk, getting my sleep patterns messed up and basically just wasting oxygen. Even though this might sound somewhat normal, these 'cycles' are very noticable to me, its almost like routine...im actually able to say 'ok the next few weeks are going to be a lazy phase'...Im thinking this cycling may be due to OCD or perfectionism, because for me its perfect or nothing you know what i mean?

 

And as far as my emotions go, usually when i day dream im happy but during the actual period of a big binge ill be very depressed...what concerns me is that this sort of sounds like bipolar :S...sorry for rambling about mental disorders but i am trying to figure out if MD may be a symptom of something else, or if it may even cause other mental illness (if this is the case then MD would not be natural, and in fact would be caused by some kind of circumstance that caused us to not be able to lead a fulfilling life). My adivce would be to try to find a reason for your day dreams or something in your life you may be lacking or even start noticing habits you have. Just be more aware of yourself and your feelings and thoughts all the time. Thats what i do (hypochondriac over here :P). Meditation helps acheive this state of awareness in the present moment.

 

When you are ready, talk to somebody about it.  i went to a pychiatrist which wasnt a big help because she didnt understand what was wrong with me...however i didnt even understand what was wrong with me then, so maybe if you can explain it clearly they can give you good advice. Cognitive therapy is excellent. I would also recomend this book called 'Get out of your mind and into your life' by Steven Hayes. And if you find that nobody understands you, which is what ive had to deal with, youre just going to have to get to know yourself better and learn to be confortable with everything about yourself and that will make you such a strong person. I was able to help myself this way, however daydreaming remains to be a problem...but just being aware of it is the beginning; something inside you has shifted and the healing process has already begun.

 

And one more thing about doctors, i had mentioned to mine that i would sometimes imagine im somebody else and she offered me to share my day dreams but i wasnt able to express myself properly; anyways she told me that when people arnt fullfiled in their real lives they will create imagnary worlds, she told me to stay in reality as much as i could but not much else. The point is i think doctors know that people can turn to escapism in the form of daydreams even though they may not know what MD is, so its worth giving it a try. Bring them articles and accounts on MD to make them understand better.

[Nicola]

Yes that's me exactly! What are your thoughts about it? Do u wish you could stop or do u want to continue daydreaming? And how do u cope when your real life need attention? I'm really struggling because iv never had a phase as long as this! It is nice to know I'm not alone though, so thankyou for your comment :-)

EludeMyFantasies said:

I have no suggestions because all the things I have tired haven't worked. I've tired avoiding triggers, occupying my mind with other things/task, setting time constraints (i can only daydream 2 hours today etc.), writing out my daydreams, meditation and the list goes on and on. So far nothing has worked. I am exactly like you though. So at least maybe you can take comfort in knowing someone else is just addicted to daydreaming as you.

I daydream every free moment, i put off all my responsibilities in real life until they can no longer be ignored. I am distant from friends and family because I am to busy daydreaming my life away. My daydreaming severity does come and go like yourself. If i didn't have to work i'd probably do nothing but daydream.

[Nicola]

Hiya, yeah that sounds good actually. I must admit if iv had a more productive day then when I do get to DD its better than if iv stayed in bed all day DDing. I guess that's kinda what you mean by earning a DD. Although it's very hard to make myself have a productive day lol.

It's been a strange week this week. Things came to a head with my parents literally screaming in my face to stop spending my life in bed. They clearly arnt grasping the extent of MD. So in my anger and frustration I wrote a 10 page letter to my family. I explained MD and the extent of how it takes over your life. I also addressed the past. My dad abused my step sisters and wasn't a good dad at all. I wasn't directly abused but I had to witness it all and the effects. And the abuse caused one of my sisters to subject me to severe bullying. And through all of this my mum stood by and did nothing. I love my mum. She's done so much for me and always tries her best with us. But none of the past has ever been discussed. It's like taboo. My dad has never explained why he did what he did and my mum has never explained why she stood by and did nothing about it.

So I decided to open up the can of worms and in the letter I wrote down everything I think and feel about the past and how I thinks it's all responsible for my development of MD which has ruined my life thus far. However being a coward that I am, I made sure I wasn't at home when they read it. I went to a friends. On return to the the house I can see the letter has been read but my parents are away for the weekend so I have yet to face their reaction.

On a positive note though I'm noticing my DD is finally starting to settle a little which means this 3 month intense phase may finally be coming to an end. Iv spent time with friends and today I even managed to watch a full movie, which I haven't been able to do in months! Hopefully things will start to improve now but I honestly can't wait until MD is widely known and official, then we don't have to go through such an intense struggle!

Nic xxx

Ariel Rapahell said:

When I used to practice Theravada Buddhism I used to be able to keep in check with reality while doing menial chores so to keep to the teachings, but that was a task that required an absolute commitment to the concepts that supported it and a very specific mindset which I no longer possess (voluntarily).

Buddhism is way too much about perfection for a perfectionist person to abide to, crash and burn =P

But anyway, if you're not putting yourself in any kind of danger (like stove burns, electrecution, amputation...) then drifting away while doing a tedious whatever is some relief indeed.

Now about control, I've never really had much of a problem with, and I don't know if my "technique" is something you can learn and apply, but if someone wants to try... it's all about delayed gratification. Maybe it comes with the S&M DD package, or maybe it's a me thing, but I just enjoy all the better if 1) I control when I do it and 2) I earn it.

If I got loads of work and I feel like rushing it to get to DD I won't enjoy it 'cause I'll be distracted by the shitty job I've done of it, and if I try to DD before I'll be thinking of my deadlines and how it would suck if I entrusted a job to someone like me. Like I said, I'm way too perfectionist to allow myself to slip like this. If I happen to, I'll bust my ass off and fix it, no matter how tired or burned out I am, and that usually results in no gas for DD anyway, so it's a lose-lose deal.

I guess the point is try making "undeserved" DD feel sucky, while enhancing how you feel about "deserved" DD, to "teach" your brain like the stubborn dog of an organ that it is.

[Catauxgory]

Hi Nic,

When I was in the throes of my daydreaming, worse than I am now, I would be filled with desperation to get back to reality. There was nothing I loved more than daydreaming, and yet even while I daydreamed, it broke my heart every minute to know how much I was distancing myself from reality and would I ever get back. I felt I was betraying reality and throwing my life away. I found myself utterly depressed that I was in such conflict with my waking life, and with my desires. It's an unhappiness that I think only daydreamers like us can really appreciate.

Eventually I figured out that I had rejected reality because it was something I didn't enjoy. If I could just enjoy the world a bit more, enjoy being in the world more, I might make strides, I told myself. So I searched for things and experiences in the real world that I actually enjoyed. Often, these were things that connected me with others. Just the fact that I was doing something other than daydreaming and that was in the real world made me feel 1,000 times better about my situation. It gave me hope that I could identify more things that I enjoyed in reality. Pretty soon, I did. I kept adding to the list of real-world things that gave me a sense of groundedness. Soon, that list of things became inter-linked and way too numerous for a list. I found myself going for longer and longer periods of time without daydreaming, and not even missing daydreaming.

I started appreciating, opening my eyes and my senses to all of the reality I had blocked out. Music, laughter, sunsets, animals, friends, family. I could understand why those things could occupy someone so much that they would never have time to daydream. This was a thought that hit me over the head like a coconut. It was the thought of a reality-dweller. I can't say that I live in reality 100% of my waking hours today, no. But I've been understanding reality-dwellers better and better the more time I spend in reality. Eventually I think I will make it back to reality 100%, and I've found that the key is enjoyment. Enjoyment of life. 

[Pseudo Life]

This sounds very overwhelming.  This is just a little thing that I do when I'm super stuck.

Decide where you won't daydream.  Make it a doable thing.  saying you won't daydream at work might be way too much right now.  But maybe you decide not to daydream in front of a certain person.  If you slip, it is okay, you just start again.  I am older and retired.  I do not daydream when I am with my grandkids.   The other thing I do which helps is using a timer.  (this probably wouldn't work at work).  But if I just want to lay around and daydream, I will set the timer for 20 minutes.  20 minutes up doing something - working or doing something productive.  Then 20 minutes daydreaming . And so on. This works for me when I want to crawl into bed and stay there pretending.  

and please seek professional help - my doctor knows  and that helps.