After 5 months of counselling I have started to recall repressed memories from my childhood, I now realise why I started to md. I have been struggling to cope with my memories, because i never remembered them before i feel asthough theyve just happened. So i have starting making myself daydream more again (i had nearly stopped before) because the more i daydream the less i think.  If i dont daydream for a few hours and i start to remember more and more and it is really hard to cope with. I have found this article that explains disassociation and repression to be the same thing (md is a type of disassociation).Which makes me wonder if all off us were to recall and deal with our repressed memories, would we be free from md?

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I think I have repressed memories...  I have no one that is ever interested to hear about those times so I think it would be difficult to recall and deal with repressed memories. You have a good point on this.

Do you have brief knowledge of what happened in the past but you never think about it? When you see a childhood friend do you feel no connection to them asthough you shared no past experiences with them? You should see your doctor and ask for counselling i cannot express how helpful it has been

my childhood was well not the greatest. I purposely repressed many sad memories and I also believe that thats why my MD started. I didn't know I had done it until my therapist pointed it out to me.  Now I remember more and more and it's sad really. I feel depressed when I remember and thus making me MD. I think my MD is more manageble now after getting therapy. But it's still there i'm at a point in my life where i don't want or need my MD but sadly my depression and anxiety strenghten it. I think if we deal with what causes MD then we'll stop using it as a mean to escape.  It's just so hard. Dealing with things you don't want to deal with. I also once stopped MDing for almost 15 days. I'd go out, hang out with my friends, study but the moment I was alone with myself it was torture I'd think about my past, my future and it just made me so sad. I think I use md to cope with my depression or else I'd go suicidal for sure!!!!

I'm slowly starting to address my repressed memories. The earliest ones were easier to deal with but the more recent ones can be too painful to recall. I started writing down my memories, sharing them on an Internet forum, and it does help in helping me let go of the past somewhat. I know I MD a lot when something traumatic happens to me.

I do have brief knowledge of the things in the past and that makes me aware of what it was like but it feels like there are many gaps missing. I can't let go of my past, it may not be as bad as a lot of people but I blame it for my problems today and I know it was something that affected me badly. I did not have any friends at all at that time in my life, so I could not say.

I have had moments when being around people in certain situations where it took me right back to the past and I felt like I did when I went through what I went through.

I have other problems that make it difficult for me seeing a doctor. I have BDD and social anxiety.

I am glad it seems to be working for you. I do believe that my daydreaming is a way of escape for me because of my past and how my past made me. I have a strong feeling that if I were to sort my repressed memories that it would help me with overcoming my BDD and SA as well as my daydreaming and obsessive thoughts.

I believe I have a lot of repressed memories that I just can't remember. I only remember certain points in my life and the rest are all a blur. I can go back as far as 7th grade (I'm 22 now) I even have begun to believe that some of those memories are not even real because I've mixed them in my head with my day dreams.

I guess it is a normal reactions. I DD a lot when I have feeling I cannot cope with. Speak to your therapist about what you experience. You may need to get worst before you get better. Recaling the memory is the first step. you have to learn to deal with the feelings and lett the past be the past.

Thank you for the link.


I'm glad to hear that the counciling has worked out well for you.  I know I have repressed memories because my MD started after I was sexually abused by one of my mother's ex boyfriends.  I have never really remembered fully the incident and the psychatrist I saw last year, told me that it was so traurmatic that I had blocked it out.  Apart from that my memory is quite good.  Sometimes certain smells can trigger off strange feelings of fear and nightmeres that sometimes last for weeks.  So I know that i have to deal with this by seeing a councilor.  I did actually try to a few weeks ago but in the end I felt too ashamed to do so.

Mine started because of s*x**l abuse and yeah, I used MDDing to repress it

I remember being very little, like 5 years old, and in my mind I would go into my closet, and under the bottom shelf there was a small secret doorway that I had to get on my belly and crawl though. There was a big cave down there and there were a bunch of smurfs (I liked the smurfs back then) They were my friends and we spent time together and I was safe there.

So I dont know if Abuse is the reason for everyone, but it was for me

Not all DDers have a messed up childhood. But I expect that plenty do. Perhaps not classic abuse. But something that caused them to escape In DDing.


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