Is it possible to fall in love with someone from your daydreams?

[Helen S]

    Hey guys! :) First of all I'm new here and I want to say I'm really happy to have found you! Secondly, I think I have fallen in love with a character from my fantasies. I can't stop thinking about him and knowing that he is not here really shatters me. I have given up on the idea of a boyfriend, because I feel no one could ever compare to him. I have read a lot of stories about maladaptive daydreaming but I haven't come accross anyone with the same problem. So, I was just wondering, have any of you ever experienced or heard about anything similar?? Thanks!

[Karina]

Hi. My daydreams are basically one ongoing story and it's all about being in love. I feel so obsessed with the person in my dreams, and as I've said before he is a real person although I don't actually know him. I actually sent him a card telling him how lovely I think he is etc the other day which is just crazy! I didn't put my name on it! I feel this is getting ridiculous now though I'm trying to make my dreams a reality which can't happen! Losing my mind here!!

[Chen Zhen]

hello.

My daydreams seem very much similar to yours. even though I have other activities in the dreams there is always a strong presence of my main character (wife character) and always an element of "togetherness" in any activity. this is probably because I don't have any friends and do everything alone. a lot of daydreams are a validation of myself through "her" to others. (hope that makes sense). the following is a warning signal about what you're trying to do. its based on my own experience which is all I have.

 

Through the years this character has gone through different "skin" changes. many years ago when I tried to have a real life and meet real people I started substituting characteristics of a real life crush into my DD wife character. there was a real person I went on dates with and was getting to know. This was very dangerous because I ended up confusing the two people. It came to a stage when the reactions of the real person where completely uncharacteristic of anything I would put in my DD character. This was very stressful to me and I had panic attacks. it disrupted my life and my career considerably. It was especially difficult because this girl was my colleague. I ended up resigning.

 

For a while my DD world became a very painful place to visit, which was the complete opposite of why it was created in the first place. that was destroying me inside. I ended up going for therapy and was diagnosed with severe depression and what they thought was a manifestation of OCD for having to maintain an imaginary world in my head. (the term maladaptive daydreaming hadn't been coined yet)

 

The whole concept of DD has changed my religion. I started to believe that I would get to enter that world in the after life. throughout my life (prior to meeting this girl) I had contemplated suicide. I always had it in the back of my mind like an option if the real world becomes too much or so mundane its unbearable. when the confusion happened my natural behaviour habit was to dwell on suicide. because the world became unstable and as painful as my real life I became overwhelmingly anxious about suicide and entering a world that is not pleasant. Hence the panic attacks...

Many years later my DD world became safe again and now I'm more attached to it than ever. I subsequently did have a romantic relationship in real life. but this poor girl wasn't anything like my DD wife and the effort from my side wasn't there. I feel terrible because this girl was all in. it lasted about a year.

 

Not saying you're anywhere as bad as me so please don't get the wrong impression or take offense. just saying that I did something sort of similar to you and it ruined my life. I am sure you will make the right choices though.

 
Karina said:

Hi. My daydreams are basically one ongoing story and it's all about being in love. I feel so obsessed with the person in my dreams, and as I've said before he is a real person although I don't actually know him. I actually sent him a card telling him how lovely I think he is etc the other day which is just crazy! I didn't put my name on it! I feel this is getting ridiculous now though I'm trying to make my dreams a reality which can't happen! Losing my mind here!!

[Karina]

Thank you for your reply! I appreciate you telling me about this, I don't want to end up causing trouble in my real life and end up ruining it! When I think about that I wish I could stop doing this! But I'm not sure what I'd do without it either!! Its a nightmare really! It's definitely making me more depressed lately. I used to get happiness from it but now I'm constantly down about the fact that this relationship will never exist for real!

[Helen S]

Hey! Really sorry to hear that you are going through that :( I've been where you are, that point when you realise that it's not ever going to happen. But you shouldn't do anything that affects your real life in favour of your daydreams. I  have pushed people away because of my daydreams and I deeply regret it. The more invested I get in them, the more they damage me, it seems.  Have you considered going to a therapist?? It sounds like this could be the start of depression or anxiety? Hope you feel better soon! :)

Karina said:

Thank you for your reply! I appreciate you telling me about this, I don't want to end up causing trouble in my real life and end up ruining it! When I think about that I wish I could stop doing this! But I'm not sure what I'd do without it either!! Its a nightmare really! It's definitely making me more depressed lately. I used to get happiness from it but now I'm constantly down about the fact that this relationship will never exist for real!

[Helen S]

Hey! That must have been just painful to go through :( Are you doing any better now, at least concerning your mental health??

Chen Zhen said:

hello.

My daydreams seem very much similar to yours. even though I have other activities in the dreams there is always a strong presence of my main character (wife character) and always an element of "togetherness" in any activity. this is probably because I don't have any friends and do everything alone. a lot of daydreams are a validation of myself through "her" to others. (hope that makes sense). the following is a warning signal about what you're trying to do. its based on my own experience which is all I have.

 

Through the years this character has gone through different "skin" changes. many years ago when I tried to have a real life and meet real people I started substituting characteristics of a real life crush into my DD wife character. there was a real person I went on dates with and was getting to know. This was very dangerous because I ended up confusing the two people. It came to a stage when the reactions of the real person where completely uncharacteristic of anything I would put in my DD character. This was very stressful to me and I had panic attacks. it disrupted my life and my career considerably. It was especially difficult because this girl was my colleague. I ended up resigning.

 

For a while my DD world became a very painful place to visit, which was the complete opposite of why it was created in the first place. that was destroying me inside. I ended up going for therapy and was diagnosed with severe depression and what they thought was a manifestation of OCD for having to maintain an imaginary world in my head. (the term maladaptive daydreaming hadn't been coined yet)

 

The whole concept of DD has changed my religion. I started to believe that I would get to enter that world in the after life. throughout my life (prior to meeting this girl) I had contemplated suicide. I always had it in the back of my mind like an option if the real world becomes too much or so mundane its unbearable. when the confusion happened my natural behaviour habit was to dwell on suicide. because the world became unstable and as painful as my real life I became overwhelmingly anxious about suicide and entering a world that is not pleasant. Hence the panic attacks...

Many years later my DD world became safe again and now I'm more attached to it than ever. I subsequently did have a romantic relationship in real life. but this poor girl wasn't anything like my DD wife and the effort from my side wasn't there. I feel terrible because this girl was all in. it lasted about a year.

 

Not saying you're anywhere as bad as me so please don't get the wrong impression or take offense. just saying that I did something sort of similar to you and it ruined my life. I am sure you will make the right choices though.

 
Karina said:

Hi. My daydreams are basically one ongoing story and it's all about being in love. I feel so obsessed with the person in my dreams, and as I've said before he is a real person although I don't actually know him. I actually sent him a card telling him how lovely I think he is etc the other day which is just crazy! I didn't put my name on it! I feel this is getting ridiculous now though I'm trying to make my dreams a reality which can't happen! Losing my mind here!!

[Chen Zhen]

hello,

I am happy that my story could possibly help someone.

 

Yes I'm doing much better now. I worked my way out of therapy with my therapists consent. it used to be twice a week and it slowed down to eventually "as needed". I was very fortunate that I had a brilliant cognitive therapist. I was also prescribed antidepressants. I was on them for a year and I eventually stopped because it just made me feel lifeless. It probably helped in the beginning. the term maladaptive daydreaming hadn't been coined then but my therapist seemed to know what I was doing. she gave me two options. trying to live in the real world or trying to find a safe place to live in my mind. at the time (and now) I am unimpressed with my ability to exist meaningfully and at least contently in the real world so I slipped further into my DD world. the experience numbed me to anything I would need to experience in the real world. I felt almost nothing when my real life GF wanted to end the relationship. i was maybe secretly pleased that i had more time to daydream.

 

I found another job and its more pleasant here. I work in a technology field where there are usually almost no females. but this job has more females than the previous. I made a concerted effort not to even talk to anyone unless spoken to.  no one knows my private life. I have become a hermit but I think its for the better. I find it easier just sitting at home and daydreaming and waiting for things that wont happen. its easier than maintaining real relationships with people. a large part of my daydreaming is music. I am a classical musician there. so I took up classical music in real life. I know I'm too old for it to go anywhere but it sometimes makes for a distraction when I get fatigued from daydreaming. maybe I feel that it enhanced my DDing. its not a very useful skill for me to be learning at my age.

[noddily]

Age sucks. When you get older your prospects really blow. So, of course my DD does mess up my reality and my expectations can be too high when it gets to the reality of things I want people to have more to offer than they can. So I don't anticipate ever being happy because I'm not in a classic relationship with someone who could have offered me the world which I should have been in in my 20's in which I had lots to offer and the guys that were out there seemed really dull. You really want them to look in the mirror at themselves and ask them why the hell they think they are so special. They still seem exceptionally dull. Little did I know I took the fast train to the land that sucks. So, it's just something that I have to get through and to find somewhere where I can feel important. I hate the feeling of no one understands me.

[Helen S]

Sorry you're going through that! I know that feeling you're talking about, that nagging thought that no one is ever going to compare to what you're expecting which really screws potential relationships. I have thought about searching for a partner who shares the traits of my imaginary character, thinking it might help. Have you considered doing anything similar?? Do you think it could help u?

noddily said:

Age sucks. When you get older your prospects really blow. So, of course my DD does mess up my reality and my expectations can be too high when it gets to the reality of things I want people to have more to offer than they can. So I don't anticipate ever being happy because I'm not in a classic relationship with someone who could have offered me the world which I should have been in in my 20's in which I had lots to offer and the guys that were out there seemed really dull. You really want them to look in the mirror at themselves and ask them why the hell they think they are so special. They still seem exceptionally dull. Little did I know I took the fast train to the land that sucks. So, it's just something that I have to get through and to find somewhere where I can feel important. I hate the feeling of no one understands me.

[Savannah Scott]

My situation is the same yet different. I'm very much in love with someone in my daydream. The difference comes in that mine isn't a character I made up. He's someone in real life that I know personally . So in my daydreams I can be with him. The problem I face with this is I'm married and happily at that. I have a great husband whom I would never even think of leaving. This leads to some pretty bad guilt when I escape to my imagination and "he's" there. The daydreams in no way effect my relationship with my husband on the outside so to speak but I love day dreaming about this man. So I don't know if I'm going to hell for it since the daydream man is an acquaintance or not. I just know I enjoy being with him there and my husband here, if any of that makes sense.

[Source]

I've experienced what I call 'ghosting' several times, that is, you start with a real person but slowly absorb it into the dream world until, in your mind, that person is completely replaced with a ghost - a copy - and all interaction is filtered through the daydream. It's an awful experience and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I understand that seemingly falling in love with a daydream character may seem something rather normal, but think about this: every single element in your entire daydream universe is created, shaped and controlled in and from your own mind and nothing else. People in your daydreams are based on someone from outside at best, but everything and everyone in there is ultimately an aspect of you, even more so if a character was created out ot thin air.

Now, I have no direct experience of it so I may be wrong, but from what I've learned, love is an emotion developed between two people. If one person is you and the other is an aspect of you (in other words, you as well) there's no foundation for any such "love" to even exist, because there aren't two people to develop it.

If this problem keeps you worried, you might as well not be, because there's nothing to worry about.
Let me know if this sounded like ancient Arabic to you.

[Chen Zhen]

You are actually quite correct. "Love" might not be the correct word to use.  fixation, obsession, maybe. that's the reasoning given to me by medical practitioners. It wasn't anything that I experienced when I was in a real relationship. Its an edited version to remove all the difficult parts of love. 

 

something else that didn't come across with my issues. its not quite related but it does affect me. similar to  Noddily no one outside can compare to my characters BUT also my own self is very much enhanced in my daydreams to what I feel is an at least mediocre or mediocre level. in real life I am nothing like this. so I feel like I shouldn't interact with people because im not anywhere near the level of "competence" that my DD self is. its an excuse for me to lack confidence. not sure if anyone else has that.
 
Source said:

I've experienced what I call 'ghosting' several times, that is, you start with a real person but slowly absorb it into the dream world until, in your mind, that person is completely replaced with a ghost - a copy - and all interaction is filtered through the daydream. It's an awful experience and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I understand that seemingly falling in love with a daydream character may seem something rather normal, but think about this: every single element in your entire daydream universe is created, shaped and controlled in and from your own mind and nothing else. People in your daydreams are based on someone from outside at best, but everything and everyone in there is ultimately an aspect of you, even more so if a character was created out ot thin air.

Now, I have no direct experience of it so I may be wrong, but from what I've learned, love is an emotion developed between two people. If one person is you and the other is an aspect of you (in other words, you as well) there's no foundation for any such "love" to even exist, because there aren't two people to develop it.

If this problem keeps you worried, you might as well not be, because there's nothing to worry about.
Let me know if this sounded like ancient Arabic to you.

[Vendela Collins]

I have fallen in love with multiple people from my DD, and even felt the pain of heartbreak when they left me/when we had relationship problems. I definitely know what you mean. Message me if you want to talk ;)