Where wild minds come to rest
Hi Cordellia and everyone. Although Im not totally isolated (I am lucky enough to have family and one close friend) I do find it very difficult to form relationships with people and as I say, have only one enduring friendship. I have always felt that I dont quite "fit in" anywhere and am different in some way or another from regular people. Does anyone else feel like that, not just from the fantasing side of our lives, but generally, do you feel different to other people.
Whats concerning me most at the moment is that because I have a "love interest" relationship in my fantasy world, it is now stopping me having a relationship in the real world because I find myself comparing everyone to my love in my fantasy world. Obviously no-one measures up and Ive been unable to have a relationship for over 5 years. Its completely crazy and Im sure no-one would ever understand it except the people on this forum. Im in love with someone who does not exist!!!! There Ive said it and I sound like a complete nutter. I honestly dont know if I could actually go and see a therapist and admit this to them face to face without cringing or wanting the ground to open up and swallow me. Im sane enough to realise this is crazy, so whats the deal?? Am I mad or am I sane, I really dont know anymore. I was thinking about asking my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist but I know the doctor is going to want me to explain why I need to go and I dont think I can explain it all to the doctor and then all again to the therapist. I dont ever talk about this to anyone, except now you guys.
Although Im a bit sceptical, perhaps you could expand in more detail how Cynthia hopes to help us. I did email her earlier in the year and she emailed back asking lots of questions but I felt I couldnt go into my problem in any detail at the time. Maybe if I have a better understanding of what she's doing then I can participate in her study.
Cordellia, your description of yourself in your last post is so wrong. When I saw your pictures on this site I was struck at how beautiful you are. Your really must not sell yourself short or believe those things you say about yourself.
Best wishes xxx
Hi Cordellia and everyone,
I've been daydreaming for a few years now. I'm 21 years old. You guys can call me Ren (nickname). For the longest ive thought i had personality disorder, or ADD or bipolar disorder but none of the symptoms match to what i have. Then i stumbled across this website doing research. I am so happy i finally know what is wrong with me but at the same time sad, because now i know i absolutely have a problem. It used to be not that bad but now I am daydreaming for hours and hours usually all day because i am currently unemployed and i'm not going to school right now. The only time I dont do it for hours is when i am around my friends (i still do it BUT not as much) and even then I am just waiting for a chance for them to leave for a moment so i can do it.I like it im not going to lie, I want it to stop but it helps me cope. I think it keeps me from doing a lot of things I love like painting (im an artist) and holding conversations with people longer than 5 minutes. Its so bad my friends notice im doing it before I realize I am. a lot of the daydreams are me being someone else, with diffrent friends, and some of them are me going through bad scenerios. one thing I noticed from reading these posts is that we all love music because it helps with the fantisies, we are creative in some way, and have dreams of being a star, or author of a book, or in my case (a successful artist). We somewhat feel very diffrent from others, and consider the "mundane conversation" boring. I hate this world we live in with it's ignorance, hate, poverty, pain, rape, murder, etc. so i make my own. I it all makes sense now. Now what I want to do is fix it.
Hi Maggie. Everything you're saying is perfectly normal. I'm 29 & have been doing this all my life as well. Unlike you this has taken over my life to the point where I never developed any bonds with anyone. I still can't get along with anyone except online. No friends. No family. Yadda yadda. It doesn't depress me like it used to. I finally I had to get over feeling sorry for myself for not being normal. The fact is my brain just works differently. I don't have the patience to just stand around & make noise at parties (what other people call conversation bores the SHIT out of me). It wasn't until I gave up trying to be like anyone else that I finally started (and I'm really just starting) learning how to work with my abilities.
Don't judge yourself for preferring your fantasy world. Of course you would! I'm sure you've built up a life so wonderful that anyone would prefer it. It goes with the territory. This doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. If you're like me you have loving relationships in your fantasy world. It may not be conventional love, but it's still love. If you weren't a loving person you wouldn't feel love there either. You're just not inspired enough by the outside world. Neither am I...........until I started opening up about this. It took me many years to do so. I felt so ashamed. Who'd want to admit they're really the lonely fat girl lying around daydreaming all the time with no friends or family? Not me. I still don't talk about it much with people. Then again, I don't have many people to discuss it with.
You can try to talk to therapists if you want. They can try to help you, but here's a big heads up: I've spoken to many many therapists & undergone a full neuropsychological exam. NO THERAPIST I'VE SPOKEN TO HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS. Sure, many disorders can lead to distance & daydreaming. Autism spectrum, ADD inattentive, Schizoid Personality Disorder, etc. The DSM is full of them. But what WE have isn't the same. I mean for all I know you could have one of those..........but I don't. I really think this is something different. After years of constant research I can tell you with relative certainty that there exists no disorder exactly matching our symptoms. Of course therapists can be wonderful if you're looking for someone to talk to. Just be warned they may try & tell you you have disorders that you may not have. They often list your symptoms & diagnose you with the next closest thing. Since this disorder isn't in the DSM you won't be diagnosed with it. It's just the way the practice works.
I refused to see any more doctors or take any meds until I found someone who knew about this who could guide me. MIRACULOUSLY I found a lady in New York (clear across the country from me) who's studying it. She's a wonderful woman, and a God-send. Aside from her it literally hasn't been studied in 40 years or so. Crazy, no? Well to me that means this is our chance to be pioneers. The psychological community doesn't know about us........YET. This is our chance to share and possibly make a huge difference. How wonderful is that? You don't have to do anything. Feel free to just hang out here & share what you like. It's good to have a safe place to be yourself. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
FYI, if anyone wants to participate in Cynthia's study on this, please let me know. She's very nice & very interested in helping us. It's just a few questions. No one has to of course. Feel free to just hang out & do whatever you like.