Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Does anybody have skills, strengths or abilities in their MD, which doesn't exist in their real lives?
I'd watch characters on TV/Film and analyze what they do, and I THINK that I'm capable of doing the same things without failing badly. For example, I watch people embrace and get all smoochy or watch someone get into a fist fight and I believe I will have no problem with this. I will also watch someone climb successfully in an agency or run their own business—thinking this is possible for me.
I have attempted to achieve things in my life that fell flat, after being inspired by someone else. I must admit that I upset or angered people, claiming that I'm capable or quite good at something, when really, it's a lot of nonsense. I need loads and loads of improvement and growing up to do.
Does anybody's MD fool them into thinking they are capable of being someone they're just not?
In my MD I'm able to sing, play piano, speak in public as a experienced journalist. I'm also able to use several gun and to easily win a fist fight (got involved in real life, ended badly).
Sometimes I can read minds and control gravity.
Isn't it dreaming?
Well everything I looked forward to was a daydream. Everything from Career success, marriage, kids to travel. In real life, I'm single and struggle along. It was like I was so busy in dreams, that I didn't make anything I wanted happen. That's why I'm stuck in a rut. And shame on me.
I did not fantasize much about things I could do, but, in my fantasies, I was much more independent.
So I guess that is an ability too. I'm still learning how to be less pleasing and more self-asserted.
It's funny. Since I turned 18, I believed that I can put my mind to anything, and be more independent. I can just earn cash and make mends, and not rely on my parents. Hopefully, find a romantic partner someday. However, I didn't realize that it's way more complicated than that. For instance, money management, good communication and interpersonal skills and being professional at something.
In the end, I proved myself wrong. I had so many jobs that I was awful at, and got laid off every time. I've always had a creative and intelligent mind, only trouble is, I failed to put my kind of mindset to "Practical use" in the real world in any field. I found out that I'm very strong in Art, but have no use in any other career! And Art is the least practical profession out there. I even tried my hand at being a designer, so I got my degree, and I fell on my face so hard, in every position I was in. I was literally getting wrist slapped by every employer I had. I kept on going back home to my mom and dad, sharing the news.
Same goes for my love life. I believed I'd meet my soul mate between 25-35. I'm 36 and have a very scarce dating history. In fact, I never met anybody who was all that interested in me.
I didn't realize early in the game, MD will look nothing like your reality. What really does happen to you in reality is the absolute truth. When in your MD, it shows you what you want to see. Like the mirror Erised in Harry Potter.
I find this really hard to confess, but I lived in the world of "Jessica" for years. I somehow thought I can open my heart to the world this way, and find someone to love, whom I can share this wonderful experience with. Possibly a soul mate who can read my mind and feel the way I do.
In real life, nobody could've noticed or even cared the slightest. They were too busy with their own lives, and socializing with normal people who don't do this shit. I didn't even speak up about it, and even if I had, they probably would've found me nuts.
Regards, these notions and escapes in my head, they had a life of their own. They felt so real and sensational, and soulful in my mind. Filled my body with warm, glowing, and happy feelings—made me think things will be beautiful and better. In reality, I might as well been on drugs.
I waited, waited, and waited for things to lighten up and resolutions to happen. Problem is you can't get ahead in their world waiting, thinking and dreaming about the things you want. You have to speak up and make it happen yourself. I was just so quiet and distant. People also saw that I was very quiet, and started assuming my mind was somewhere else. There was just no sensitivity.
Now I see that I could've lived better and saw what I expected if I acted up properly and lived on the planet earth. And worked really, really hard at it, because in the end, nobody cares about my satisfaction, but me.
And maybe there is no soul mate...maybe I'm my own soul mate. It's all up to me, and my life is what I make out of it...not that anybody else will ever see that.
I feel like I've been "deluding" myself, for most of my life. I watch characters on TV and movie flicks, and think I can their jobs. I don't seem to realize my disabilities and weaknesses, and some years back, I learned that I have Asperger syndrome. I pursued a career that was clearly too challenging for me—and I made a fool out of myself, in front of everyone, convincing them I can do it. Then I bugger up and they stare at me, like I have two heads. It's so humiliating! That's probably why I had a difficult time earning my independence. And I'm a grown ass woman for Petes sakes. And yet, my MD made me think I can do anything I put my mind to.
Even for relationships, I felt that I could or will have a relationship in my life. However, it didn't go that way. Rather, I threw just about everybody off with my non-verbal Asperger Syndrome. I even cut myself off from relatives, because I rarely spoke a word all day. And yet my MD made me believe I can easily embrace and interact with other fine. That's bullshit, I struggle this this everyday.
I'm just so mad that I fell for my own "wishy-washy" fantasies. They assured me that I'll have a satisfactory and fulfilling life. That's not true. Life is full of the "Hard" and you have to take it day by day. Nothing just falls on your lap. You seriously have to do something about it yourself, with your brain. But I was a young kid. Who had it too easy and cushy in the beginning. Now I'm paying for that.
It's just that I had an unrealistic outlook towards the future. I never realized this at the time. Being a compulsive daydreamer, I didn't see this was damaging all prospects of having it better. Basically, I was sucked in by fantasies. So I payed no attention to what happened from one moment to the next in my waking life. Plus I was so damn Quiet, I bothered everybody around me. Honestly, I didn't see a future. I wonder how things would've looked if I had never started MD.
I've always known I wanted to be an artist, but it didn't occur to me back then, how will I afford food and a roof over my head? And then I jumped into a program that was too challenging for me. THEN I didn't make more decisions where to go from here. I just SAT there.
Pshh, why limit it to real skills? I was 'sure' I could minorly manipulate wind due to my daydreams and I'm so used to making the little gestures from my childhood I instinctively do it still to this day if I don't catch myself.
But really, just use it as inspiration. Realize it's going to take a little longer than the average person and be patient. That is how I became a game developer and was able to turn my overactive imagination into an idea machine that my team could depend on to finding the best path forward among all the many potential ways. Gather knowledge like it's your dragon horde because if your anything like me, your mind will string together things no one is considering together in so many ways via daydreams people would be stupid not to keep you around just for that.
I was always just an ARTIST. Regards, all my life, I always believed I was going to be "somebody" and do something extraordinary. When I was a kid, I used to sit at home and think about what I could be doing in the future. Ironically, here I am in the same bedroom, many years later, looking for an online or hybrid job. Perhaps, my imagination was bigger than my real capabilities. Apparently, my family realized that I'm quite the dreamer—and do this all day long. My mom stopped thinking I can do anything with my life, except to draw and paint. She was a psychiatric nurse, so she thinks I'm nuts to daydream.
I'm mad too. My daydreams convinced me I can do anything if I put my mind to it. That's not exactly true at all. I'm tunnel visioned with a short attention span, and not a very good listener, nor do I have any interpersonal skills. I met so many people who had a problem with this. I've tried my hand at all sorts of occupations, and almost none of them worked out, except for the ARTS. That's why I think my daydream beliefs are crap. Matter of speaking, I've met many who easily assumed I dream, and reacted like my mom.
I feel that LIFE is playing this game with me—and I'm kind of deceiving myself, thinking I can achieve things, when I really can't. Always trying to be someone I'm not. Meanwhile, everything reacts on me like I come from another planet, or I'm simply an idiot. Like they can see I'm not on the same page as them.