Conflicted about MDD

[againstrio]

Does anyone else feel conflicted? As in most times DD is under control, relaxing, and OK and other times it sends you into a horrible horrible depression?

I can't tell if I just slip into super lows and blame the daydreaming or if the daydreaming sends me there. Most of the time I'm not obsessed and DD is okay but evet once in a while a new storyline triggers out of no where and I start to hate that I can't leave it.

I saw a few groups on this network but they seemed very inactive. I almost confessed to friends but I just can't do it.

Real life is such a chore right now.

[BlackUnicorn]

I have those lows too. Every few years I show signs of depression. Of course each story behind MDD is differrent.

But in my case MDD is not the cause for my lows. I get depressed when get the feeling something in real life doesn't turn out the way I wish. MDD worsens it cause I imagine possibilities to "repair" it. So I think the depressed feelings are there before and MDD boosts them for me. Sometimes my messed up DDs even help me to figure out which real life issue makes me suffer.

Recently a researcher told me, he sees MDD as an ability to phantasize more intense. A condition people have or not but it's obvious that you will use it if you suffer and find advantage in it.

And I can imagine that there're a lot of MDDers out there doing fine. Cause as long as I were fine with MDD I thought this is a normal thing. So maybe people just show up on communities, calling themselves "MDDers" if they suffer and don't feel "normal", giving the impression that MDD leads to suffering sooner or later.

[JenBren]

At times my daydreaming is under control, but at other times it is all consuming and constant. 

If you believe that MD is a maladaptive coping mechanism, then it makes sense that it becomes more intense as we become stressed or emotional. We engage in the daydreaming to help us 'cope' with our feelings. So it's not the daydreaming that is sending you into a low, you are daydreaming to help cope or escape the emotions associated with that low (or the cause of that low).

Curious though...I have kept a journal for the past 3 years now of my daydreaming. I record how much I'm doing, the storyline as it progresses, etc. Surprisingly I've noticed that come October of every year, my daydreaming hits a high and takes over. I don't feel stressed or depressed...in fact, its my favourite time of year and as for this year, everything is going well. So I'm confused. Is it emotional? Seasonal?

I also agree with the idea of what someone else said...I don't think people show up on this network unless they feel they need help. When we feel 'normal', we don't need to talk it out. 

[BlackUnicorn]

That's a good thought with the seasons. I realized that nature is a strong triggre for me, took me very long to figure that out. If I see a beautiful or somehow poetic scene. I use it immediately as a stage. In a deep forest it's the worst :D

I also think brain chemistry has an impact. I had a life threatening illness for a few years and my body kind of poisoned itself. I got concentration issues and I think this is a situation where escaping into MDD would be pretty normal to cope. But I wasn't able to DD at all, though I tried very hard. This brought me to the idea that I couldn't DD or concentrate cause of all that waste inside my body. Maybe MDDer's brain chemistry differs naturally a bit from others.... Just guessing :)