Being understood

[Eva K]

Hi

[Deep blue]

There could be a lot of reasons as to why you cannot express yourself properly irl. 

We don't know you personally so it's difficult to pinpoint one thing that you should work on. 

I think the best way is to read books and listen to podcasts about socialising and communication skills. 

Also don't think that you should fit in. It's fine to be different. Don't loose your essence. 

[Valeria Franco]

It's a difficult balance @sakshee

Shall I improve my social skills? Why should I chance my essence? Can't I be accepted for who I am?

Shall I stay the same? What if I'm this person just because nobody ever taught me how to deal with other people and I learnt to fear them instead? Isn't communication just a skill, that I can learn without losing myself?

Those two attitudes have something true and false at the same time.

[Deep blue]

I agree with you. If we listen to others and change all the time we will lose our essence. But if we ignore the critiques everytime, we will never evolve and be a better person. There's a very delicate balance between the two. 

And yes communication is a skill that everybody should be good at. Now I understand what was trying to say. 

As for op, if you feel like you can't hold a conversation then you are not alone. 

Because of Md I haven't had much experience with socialising. I think I need to talk to a lot of people and make a lot of mistakes to finally understand how to have a proper convo. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I always felt misunderstood by others, because I have high functioning ASD, as I have faced problems with social communication and interaction. This prompted me to daydream excessively, which was a regrettable decision. Apparently daydreaming didn't make my social life and relationships any better—it actually repelled people to be near me. They could see my distant-looking eyes and laughing face. They just got uncomfortable and cringed, but whether I was a daydreamer or not, it didn't matter, it was my personality they weren't sure about. I had trouble expressing verbally myself as well, that was a big issue. First people would think, "Why aren't you talking?! and "Why are you acting so strange?" Then they'd survey me up and eventually notice that I'm not even consciously "here." People who have no trouble being socially presentable can actually conceal their MD situation way more. So I felt it was wise to stop it with maladaptive daydreaming for the better.

Even after I stopped living in other worlds, then there was just silence all around me. As I haven't been socially active for some time. Then the pandemic hit, making it harder than ever to get into the crowd. When you think about it, it's very frustrating. It's just the timing, the circumstances and how everything turned out. You don't win—you just have to endure. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm blows me away. I feel as if nobody in the world knows "who I am and what I'm going through." I have noticed that in my mind, I have imaginary friends who support me, listen to me, and understand how I feel. That's not the case in reality. Even my dad tells me that he "hasn't known me for years" and mom says, "I just don't talk." I remember friends and peers mentioned the same things too. I've even been manipulated for this, and my sister tells me, "that's because your timid and they can't get a word out of you." Others have retorted they don't find that I'm here or I'm somewhere else, not listening to them. Most treat me like I'm not there, I guess, because I don't make a first impression and I'm not approachable and chatty. 

I wonder if I deserve what I got in life for being in my head all the time. I see that's just life. We are all human. But I expected more from life that what truly happened to me overtime. Maybe I didn't work on myself or pay more attention to people, and things. This is probably all my fault, but I'm afraid that I'm going to disappear, be stuck, and not live—and forever not be seen and heard. Meanwhile nobody thinks anything of it. That's not safe and healthy. I mean, I feel like ghost. 

MD is maladaptive, effecting how you grow, develop and get to know the world around you. I took it a step too far, which is regrettable. I guess it started because I felt socially left out and had trouble connecting with people. There are several things my brain can't do. MD actually assured me things will get better and beautiful up the road, made me feel happy, but it was a big lie. I'm stunned. It was actually a mental disorder. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was so young. I used to think stuff happens if you MD about it enough. It doesn't at all. It's like getting drunk and suddenly thinking you'll be a superstar. Out there nobody cares...until someone stumbles upon you drunk as a skunk, and dazed. Mentions it to your face. Suddenly, you're so embarrassed. Well, that's how it went in my early twenties. Now I'm clear headed and barely do MD as I used to. To add insult to injury, I'm not thanking my younger self, because I'm struggling financially, which is what I deserve. 

Reality is reality, it's an art you have to play with very well. If you mess up, you lose as simple as pie. When I was that young, I didn't see that. I was entitled and had no perception of what reality was. To be honest, I lived this ferry existence. And I envy my former peers, because they probably weren't that kind of an idiot. So they eventually sought the happiness that they certainly deserved. 

So I hope that I deserve the second chance to start over and do it right. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I used to thrive in MD. It used be make me feel happy and alive. But I was a person of my very own world, and I was tunnel visioned. I didn't come to realize there was a whole world out there, which I haven't yet seen. Plus, I was immature when it came to career growth and opportunities. Nobody could depend on me, because most times, it was like I was in outer space. And I often wonder why I'm still depend on my family to take care of me.