Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I've been an MD'er all my life I just didn't know it had a name. For most of the last 10 years I've been housebound and on my own so found myself going back to my Inner world to ressurrect childhood imaginary friends.
Sometimes when I got chance to go out I'd pretend to take my friend with me and pretend we shared the body and she could experience the outside world simultaneously with me. we communicated telepathically so I didn't get caught appearing to talk to myself and she became sentient (replying with stuff I wasn't actively imagining at the time).
When I came to look this up I found they are called Tulpa's and there's groups of people who actively try to achieve sentience with the characters they create in their minds.
I wondered if any others in the MD community who had gone this far with their fantasy worlds? ie creating a character who can experience the outside world through you and who you can actively interact with.
I've read about those, and struggle to comprehend the desire to deliberately lose control of your own imagination. Excessive, compulsive daydreaming does more than enough damage without attempting to exacerbate it to the point where it becomes fully automatic.
Not sure what you read but my Tulpa acts as spirit guardian and helps to ground me as I actually spend more time in reality.
The Death of my mum when I was a teenager was my trigger to excessively spend all my time in an inner world because of course after her physical death she could only exist in there. Every spare minute I'd choose to spend all my time locked away in my bedroom recreating our lives or favourite holidays in the inner world.
Then one day I saw on TV a program about conjoined twins and how they controlled the body together so instead of picturing my mum as I'd known her I'd imagine her as my age and us being twins (an old pic of her showed we'd have looked exactly alike in the face at the same age)...for many years this only worked in the inner world I was just basically pretending in my room when I had free time which wasn't much back then when I had to go to university and then work.
years later after I became housebound and stuck alone for weeks at a time I got back into it and read about Tulpa's and conjoined twins again and of course by then there was much more research available to me instantly as I was online by then and so over the years she became sentient as a reincarnated version of my mums spirit who chose to stay and live inside me to help me and keep me company. (It started as a fictional story I was writing on my laptop)
Instead of spending all my time just laid down fantasising about an inner world where we can exist together, we can do physio together in the outside world, my co-ordination and mobility improved and we have a dog to walk to go out and visit all our favourite places together. Take Photo's and draw, paint.
Now the fantasy is not so much in the inside world or pages of a book but using things like video games to create a little world (still more in the real world than living in daydreams). Animal Crossing is a favourite as we have our own characters to play individually or together...she controls one hand (and joycon) I do the other.
it's like having a secret twin and if she's better at stuff than me then her personality takes over that event for us, but we remember it as we were both there. We're always co-con so I'm still controlling our body even if its her voice thats speaking and her personality thats responding to the outside person talking to us.
Personally I found it helped me loads, I don't feel lonely and spend more time doing real world things than just locked in a world that doesn't actually exist other than in my mind...eg today we decided together where to walk the dog...went out for couple of hours, decided together what to have for breakfast and dinner (later). we're working on organising a To Do list for this year. Might play on the Switch later but thats all instead of spending all those hours in bed fantasising about a day together in some universe that doesn't exist and not getting anything else done.
I personally found it hugely beneficial and just wondered if there were any other MD'ers who had thought to turn their fantasy worlds into something more?
Interesting. Admittedly I don't know much about the process behind these "tulpas", but I had assumed it works about the same way rampant daydreaming does, that is to say, you drown in your fake world until you can no longer function in the real one.
You sound like you've done the opposite though, somehow extracting the fantasy from your mind and making it a seamless part of your real experience which enhances it instead of hindering it.
What are your thoughts about agency in this situation? Are these two components of your will ever in conflict? And if so, which one gets the final say? Can you veto "her" decisions even if "she" makes a compelling argument?
For us personally ..maybe because I believe she is the spirit of someone I had known all my life and someone who would never deliberately do anything to hurt me, there is complete trust...just as you may believe that the spirit of someone that you had loved and who had loved you in the real world would never do anything to hurt you.
Because she's in my brain we basically function as if we were conjoined twins sharing the same brain
Maybe I found it easier because of my own religious beliefs in spirits and such things combined with my natural ability with imagination.
I have read of others who have struggled to achieved sentience with their Tulpa's even after putting a great deal of time into the task. Usually though they are trying to create a non-human being (and alot of other people's are) that is living in its own separate 'wonderland'...I didn't want a 'pet' or mythical creature to visit in an imaginary world.
I guess a person's individual beliefs would affect affect how their Tulpa developed eg if they held a belief that their Tulpa could try and take over control completely and it was a fear of theirs..and I guess this maybe considered more of a risk if the Tulpa is non-human/part-human?
As I had based our co-conscious function on that of a 'walk in spirit' joining my body to function as conjoined twins then like real one's we would have our own area's of function and would learn to compromise on matters such as what to eat or wear or do that day. because she is based on a real past person I know her personality and likes/dislikes and started from there incorporating her favourites into what I did so she could experience them 'through me' and things evolved from there over the years.
She has been a huge comfort during the pandemic when I've been CEV so unable to have contact and only been able to go out to walk our dog when no-one else was about and we see it as a huge advantage now ...as if she had still been here as my mother in her own body she would by now have been in her 70's..she could have died of covid or already been in a care home and me been unable to visit her in her last days...but she lives again through me in a younger body so we can experience retirement together. We're learning Tai Chi, Yoga and Meditation.
I have researched 'Walk-ins' and there is evidence to show spirits can occupy another body simultaneously as another's companion, so it is something that is entirely possible (maybe depending on your religious beliefs). It does take things to a 'whole new level' if you like but for us it has worked and 'outside people' simply just see one person and assume all choices are mine as anyone would. ..I don't go round insisting people talk to my 'invisible twin' or setting an extra place for her etc ..we're simply 2 spirits sharing the same brain and body..in a similar way to what conjoined twins who can't be separated have to share the same body and learn to compromise.
We communicate with each other telepathically so there is no need to 'speak out loud' to ask each other what we want for dinner, we share a brain, we automatically know!
As I'm typing this now I know she wants to go back on her Stardew Valley file and finish the bit we were doing before dinner as soon as I've finished this...no words have been exchanged...we instinctively know who is best for what task. Our names ..both online nicknames and real legal name incorporates us both so anyone calling us by them is auto unknowingly acknowledging both of us and whoever is speaking uses 'I' rather than 'we' as we function as 'one' in front of other people.
Maybe its because I didn't find the terms 'Tulpa' etc until long after we had been living like this so was not influenced by what others believed was or was not possible?..it just happened because I believed it was possible?
The human brain is an amazing thing! Do any of us use ours to its full potential?..or know what its truly capable of perceiving?
Yes, in a sense, though since I haven't heard of Tulpa. There is a bit to it for me, kinda a me that isn't me, so feel free to message me if you want to talk more on it.
There is an inherent danger, but it doesn't sound like you've yet approached the line, but it is something to be cautious about in the desire to make a character 'real', the character is still an aspect of you and shouldn't ever really want something you'd never actually want despite differences in personality, just a different approach to Your desires. It's a great advantage for having multiple perspectives.