Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I left home not late, but I was late before, in my teenager years, and I think the lack of experience in relationships at that time had some effect in my future, as I was not that ready to see problems and let me with the sense of lacking something for many years.
It's a long twisty story. When I was young, I thought I was normal, and just different. I had no idea that I had Asperger syndrome and that it made me verbally challenged. I felt cut out from the crowds, so I used MD to make me feel loved and wanted somewhere. Regardless, I took it way too far. And it deeply impacted a life of relationships I could've experienced if I had lived on planet Earth and payed attention to people. My speech was so bad and "not there" that I had an extremely difficult to impossible time making friends and forming relationships. It was very devastating on me and embarrassingly enough, others could smell that I was going to have it tough. So I was hard on myself for years that I wasn't worth it. But now I see that I deserve a social life and a partner as anybody else does, since there are 7 billion people in this world.
When I was doing MD, it put me in a happy and special place that wasn't ever there. It convinced me that life was going to be thrilling, fun, adventurous and full of friends and love. I did this for years! It darkly grew on me that real life doesn't look like what you imagine in your head. When it came time to become a grown up, I felt that I wasn't ready to take that big step, unlike my other peers. Handling responsibilities on my own at workplaces made me feel very uncomfortable, and people got the hint I was being a big baby. I was highly skilled and brilliant at creating artwork on my own time, but when it came to meeting people's expectations, on the long shot, I was having lots of problems. My parents were very disappointed in me and stunned that I wasn't all grown up and moving out at my adult age. So you can see why I still live at home. Yeah, it's not good. Sigh.
I didn't remain living at home with my parents, but in a lot of ways I was dependent on them. I had very little ambition to do much, such as working a full time job, but cutting hours so I could home home and daydream. If I fell behind on paying bills or something, my parents would help me out.
I didn't actually get a grip on my life until I was more in my mid-to-late 30s. Looking back on it, I think "wow". How idiotic was that to just waste away my teens, 20s, and most of my 30s all because I wanted to stay in bed and think about things. I missed out on doing so much for myself, and now I feel like I'm a late bloomer in life because of it. Today when I make decisions about doing things, I remind myself that I'm in my late-40s now, and how it must seem to younger people. Though, in my head and heart, I still feel like that girl in my 20s, because I never really disconnected from it -- ever.
I do miss my MDD stories, but I had no option. I had to quit doing this. I can't hide my MDD. I'm very quiet and don't behave right, got Aspergers, so I give people an impression that I wonder. This mixed together gave me an unstable and dependent way of life.
Thing is, others read body language very easily, because they interact everyday. I've had kids, teens and adults simply notice that I stare at nothing, so they shout, comment, even snap a finger. I might try to stop going deep into thought altogether, but it doesn't matter, because it still lingers in my eyes for a while, especially in the morning, when my head is still asleep. If you want a nice morning without any confrontations that your not really awake and there, don't live with people! In New York, I had a girl snap at me so sharply at a cafe, because she noticed I didn't listen to her sentence. High school was absolute hell. So I won't go there. No matter how nice your characters are in your head. Enjoy them. In the real world, it's just not the same.
Just tell yourself, "This is not real. This is going to desert me. I will never achieve my goals this way. I'm not who I imagine myself to be. Complacency doesn't get me anywhere." Try changing your daily routines. Gear your mind into something that shakes up that dreamworld your in. Review all of your bad habits and find the reasons why. Try listening to people's conversations and responding to them. Just stop cold turkey on creating stories in your head and adjust your mind on the real world. Watch the news and start a new interest. Do ANYTHING that breaks up your maladaptive daydreams. Even talk to your family and friends about how they feel when your gone in your head, instead of being with them. My dad gave my psychiatry with his speeches and so did my sister. I felt real funky in the beginning, because I loved the worlds I lived in, but then realized why I wasn't happy with my real life.