Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I left home not late, but I was late before, in my teenager years, and I think the lack of experience in relationships at that time had some effect in my future, as I was not that ready to see problems and let me with the sense of lacking something for many years.
It's a long twisty story. When I was young, I thought I was normal, and just different. I had no idea that I had Asperger syndrome and that it made me verbally challenged. I felt cut out from the crowds, so I used MD to make me feel loved and wanted somewhere. Regardless, I took it way too far. And it deeply impacted a life of relationships I could've experienced if I had lived on planet Earth and payed attention to people. My speech was so bad and "not there" that I had an extremely difficult to impossible time making friends and forming relationships. It was very devastating on me and embarrassingly enough, others could smell that I was going to have it tough. So I was hard on myself for years that I wasn't worth it. But now I see that I deserve a social life and a partner as anybody else does, since there are 7 billion people in this world.
When I was doing MD, it put me in a happy and special place that wasn't ever there. It convinced me that life was going to be thrilling, fun, adventurous and full of friends and love. I did this for years! It darkly grew on me that real life doesn't look like what you imagine in your head. When it came time to become a grown up, I felt that I wasn't ready to take that big step, unlike my other peers. Handling responsibilities on my own at workplaces made me feel very uncomfortable, and people got the hint I was being a big baby. I was highly skilled and brilliant at creating artwork on my own time, but when it came to meeting people's expectations, on the long shot, I was having lots of problems. My parents were very disappointed in me and stunned that I wasn't all grown up and moving out at my adult age. So you can see why I still live at home. Yeah, it's not good. Sigh.
I didn't remain living at home with my parents, but in a lot of ways I was dependent on them. I had very little ambition to do much, such as working a full time job, but cutting hours so I could home home and daydream. If I fell behind on paying bills or something, my parents would help me out.
I didn't actually get a grip on my life until I was more in my mid-to-late 30s. Looking back on it, I think "wow". How idiotic was that to just waste away my teens, 20s, and most of my 30s all because I wanted to stay in bed and think about things. I missed out on doing so much for myself, and now I feel like I'm a late bloomer in life because of it. Today when I make decisions about doing things, I remind myself that I'm in my late-40s now, and how it must seem to younger people. Though, in my head and heart, I still feel like that girl in my 20s, because I never really disconnected from it -- ever.