I want to make friends

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I want to make friends and I do want to be liked. Regards, I wonder if my struggle with daydreaming is just going to upset and anger them all. I do have ASD, which only tops it off. I did have friends before, but I pissed them off, because they found me rude and unsocial. I broke apart with a best friend because she felt we had nothing in common, and she got unsettled by my quiet behavior, failure to listen up, and my distant looking eyes. I've always wanted a relationship, but I think that I blew it—because of how I made everyone feel around me. 

I am so mad too, because it seems that my MD swore that I'll have a happy adulthood, make better friends, and date people, even get married. When really it was telling me what I wish to see, not that it said, this will happen. Awful part is I fell for it, so it hurts. Rule of thumb, never believe your own head!
You could be deluded. 

I'm just a bit glum. People learn from their mistakes, failures and falls everyday, that's how you learn! What bums me is that I had no idea until I was 40—I couldn't read in between the lines or what was behind people's behavior and tones. I lost those bondings, because I was an idiot! It was a dream breaker, but for a reason. You just don't mess with human emotions—they'll be gone. You can only lick your wounds and try not to fuck up with the next new crowd.