The Daydreamer Who Finally Woke Up

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I just spent 25 years believing in my own nonsense, or I was just so inexperienced. I assumed and was confident of what I believed was going to be a happy-going future and extraordinary life ahead of me. I had goals, plans, visions—but I didn't make them come alive—because I was a daydreamer. Others caught wind of the fact I did MD, including my family, and this didn't make my situation any better...it was like being caught red handed. The past 22 years of my adult like was a huge bummer and I was stuck for a number of years, which was vice versa. Perhaps, many people don't buy that we tend to dream now and then, as if its a bad thing, probably because everyone knows you must pay attention, and what we do scares them. 

Sometimes I feel like pounding my fists against a table, because I wanted to have a life and experience things. But to many people, maybe I have no common sense or what I do is very strange to them. So they can't help but stare, obscure their face and make remarks. They don't know me from Adams bloody apple, and honestly don't care—but wonder why I behave that way...can't figure me out. You have to love yourself, but nobody else will, and they'll just piss away...probably forever. I've always had problems making really good close friends. Luckily I've got a girlfriend in another country. Though I lost another long-term friend, because she felt we had nothing in common, and she was aggravated how my brain worked. 

Another thing, for 25 years, I just hopped and danced everywhere I went in a daydream state, happy and complacent, looking forward to better things to happen. When really I was sleeping, and living in my head, and didn't take in mind what was actually going to happen if I wasn't discreet. I was a young person who was very excited towards starting life—but didn't realize you have to build up a future through hard work and strong endurance, and procession to learn and grow. 

Conclusion. I fell behind in life and lived in a rut. I struggled in my career, didn't travel, do the things I really wanted to do. All because of a misunderstanding with how my special minds works, which isn't even fair, really.