When the Daydream Spills Into the Room

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I am starting to find my life-situation very boring—because of my reputation of being quite the daydreamer. All I do is make people think I'm mentally ill and not friend-worthy. If only I knew how to act like a normal human being who didn't do weird-shit things like live in another galaxy, I would've been fine. Regards, after the toothpaste tube has been squeezed, the toothpaste doesn't go back in. Everybody already gets a hint of who you are and what you do. And it nearly ruins everything. Well, this is what I got for growing up in a small town with a case of maladaptive daydreaming. 

Here it goes. I'm deprived of relationships, never been in one, and always been a singleton. So I don't have the idea of being a couple, especially in any case scenario. Anyway, sometimes I'll stop what I'm doing and stare hard into the air, and go deep into thought...wondering how it would be like. On the outside, I suddenly look gone to others, like I just disappeared. People will look into my eyes and wave a hello, "you look like your somewhere else." They have no idea what the hell I'm doing, nor why. Sometimes they'll even snap and yell. Even if I act like I'm here, I won't respond fast and look away, so they're never sure if I'm even listening to them. 

Other times, when I get frustrated when nobody understands what I'm thinking or feeling, I complain to myself and rant my thoughts out loud. Then my sister will bang on her wall down the hallway, when she can hear everything I'm doing. I've lost touch with people for these very reasons...and wonder if I'm killing my chance to have friends and relationships, because first thing everybody sees—is that I'm not with them.