What Happens When Daydreams Become a Detour

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I was 18, I had this giddy optimism, youthful exuberance, had starry-eyed idealism towards my future, but I went too far with my MD on it. For instance, when I was working my way through college, I was daydreaming big about what I self-assuredly will be seeing up the way—or so I thought. But I noticed people around me made comments about how distant and gone I looked, also how extremely quiet and socially awkward I was. I had goals and aspirations on what I wanted to do in my 20's and 30's, but couldn't help but notice, a significant number of people were quite critical on me for various reasons, and I wonder if they had a problem. They didn't seem to like my person...or wondered what all the dancing, pacing, flapping, and weird faces were all about. 

Normally people exelerate themselves growth-wise, taking the correct steps to get where they want to be, but he here at the same time—and they understand the real world around them. Regardless, I didn't go by that rule book—and just wanted to be who I was, daydreaming my head off about an amazing and awe-inspiring life I anticipated to come. 

When I finished up college, I should've been gearing up with planning out my career, and considered travelling, but I had no idea about "adulting" because I had a soft and easy upbringing without any responsibilities, and I was sort of disabled, but also, I had a problem with controlling the daydreams. 
I was still upbeat about starting life, but my head was jumbled up with excitable music, imagery, and sensations that was clouding up my attention span. 

I tried to do a jump start at my career by taking on roles in print shops, freelance, in-house, and remote contracts, but wasn't very successful, and considered furthering my education. Eventually, a family member found out about my maladaptive daydreaming, when I failed to communicate with her one day, and she was enraged—got into a snub with me. Our conversation thwarted the prospect that I'll ever get out and be very successful at anything—and suddenly everything was just a cloud.

As a result—in my 20's and 30's—I lived in a rut. I didn't go anywhere, and wasn't successful an many paths. And honestly wasn't perceptive of the outside world. As a matter of fact, I was very reclusive and spent so much time on my computer, instead of out there. When I look back at my youth, I feel very glum, feeling that I threw away years of opportunities I could've had if it weren't for my stupid mental health. 

Shortly after, it turns out I had a neuro-developmental condition, where I had a gifted artistic mindset, which caused me to daydream excessively more than usual. I take regard to ordinary people, this made them think I was acting rather curiously—also a socially inept individual who didn't know how to behave correctly in public without causing a stir. 

I understand that no everybody is going to like me, but I'm not a monster either. I'm just misunderstood and much of the time, people wonder if I'm Ok in there—maybe I just think in a different pattern...