Extremes

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Daydreaming had a significant impact my daily life, it interfered with my work, school, or social life. I spent several hours a day immersed in elaborate fantasy worlds. I used maladaptive daydreaming as a coping mechanism for loneliness, anxiety, and other challenges. 

My maladaptive daydreaming was intense—like a mental escape that started feeling more consuming than freeing. I pulled myself into it if when reality felt dull, lonely or stressful in comparison.

It was immersive that it spilled into real life in unexpected ways. Like I suddenly talked to myself and laughed for nothing in front of people—making them feel like I'm kind of "sick"—but I wasn't, I was experiencing something that's was challenging and affecting me on the spur of the moment. 

It almost ruined my reputation in the adulting department, because family and others found I had issues, and wasn't responsible and mature enough to handle major life's roles, such as careers, parenting, driving, etc. As shattering as this sounds for an adult...I just hope I get second chances. I honestly never realized what a curse word maladaptive daydreaming sounds to especially others who don't even do this. 

Even today, people sometimes think I have imaginary friends. I feel as if someone is always watching if I doing anything one but quirky, especially my mom and sister. Also, it doesn't matter how quietly I murmur, whisper, or moan to myself—I might be moving my lips and softly humming. My family will swish their head to me, and be like, "What did you say, Jessica!" or my sister will rap on a door—because they know where we should be and talk to each other only. 

It's just embarrassing, and I wonder if I should just shut that behavior off and pinch myself whenever I feel that I'm doing this again. 

MD also deeply impacted my decision making. It gave me a set of individual beliefs towards life that weren't ever true, also it made me very complacent. Now I'm in an remarkable situation. Bluntly speaking, it wasn't honest with me. In other words, I fell for my own BS.