Pretending

[Jessica Ballantyne]

A Teacher once told me, "Don't worry about being someone you're not..." in her car on the way back from a curling club. I was an super quiet and reserved person. 

Many years later, I'm still the same way. Introvert. Do my own thing. Limited social life. I find it very discouraging to plan out my weekend, because I clearly lack any social skills. I'm not a party person, and I spend my evenings watching Netflix. 

Interesting thing is I always imagined life will unfold itself where I'd go on adventures and do amazing things with all kinds of people, forming relationships and bondings. But my expectations were so high and unrealistic, and I had no idea what to do for myself. I didn't have other people's skillsets, and I grew so invisibly, where nobody knew I even existed. So I daydream alternate lives that look far more exciting than my real life. Where I'm suddenly a hero of my own show. 

I do have AS, so it always challenged my ability to interact and communicate correctly with others, which drove away lots of people. So my daydream life is really all I have.