Desire things that don't exist

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I've been making stuff up in my head since I was a teenager. Since the year 2000, I actually believed in everything I've been imagining. So I've been expecting a whole bunch of things to happen in my adulthood. I turn 34 in a week, and I still haven't seen squat. I have to remember that my MDD was not ever real. They were all just wishful thoughts about things I've always wanted and needed. But seriously, I needed a big reality check. I didn't speak up, so nobody ever knew about this. It just blows my mind.

For Pete's sake. I was so immersed in it and thought I was being promised things...I thought I was looking at my future. It told me I had potential and everything will work out. I thought I had a deal. When really, everybody else was looking at me for who I really was. I saw their reactions and expressions, but I was in denial.

Another thing, in MDD everybody liked me and was nice to me. In reality, everybody's not sure about me and many times they confront me.