Wild Minds network

Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest

Recovered Chronic Daydreamer with Five Year Career Itch

In elementary and middle school I daydreamed so much it adversely affected my social life and grade. In high school I got a handle on and graduated at the top of my class. Being in the drama club provided a healthy outlet, too. In college, I majored in Music and Computer Science. Late in college I made friends with a bunch of free-spirit surfers and even joined a rock band with one of them. I graduated. Then the real world called and I had to move a thousand miles away to go where the only work I could find was. That move was painful.

This is my sixth year in the computer / IT field and I've done well in the field and get paid well. Unfortunately, my job seems more boring every year that passes. To cope, I wrote a novel that I'm editing intensely and am trying to get published. I wrote an essay recently in a contest and I'm getting it published in an anthology this Summer! That was very encouraging.

And so, my favorite daydream seems healthy in that it is based in reality: To move closer to my friends and family... or maybe live on a sailboat and be able to write professionally and take my home with me! I've made friends over the years, but there's something about that circle of friends that was exceptional. They occasionally ask me when I'm moving closer to them. I have to be honest and tell them I don't know; transfer opportunities seem to constantly elude me. I talk to my family and friends on the phone when I can. But there's a sort of resigned loneliness that comes with a daydream that never comes true.

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Permalink Reply by Matt Kretzer on March 1, 2011 at 3:43pm

@TJ:

Two words: positive: POSITIVE DISTRACTION. Have you considered volunteering? (Red Cross, ASPCA, etc...?) You might find people (or animals) who "need" you in a positive way. If you feel like your friends are "using you," maybe you should stop talking to them for a while. Maybe you're exhausted from keeping the wrong people in your life. Socializing after 30 is always hard. We no longer have an environment like our hometown, our high school, or college where we're surrounded by people our age we have things in common with. Maybe being a part-time student again would help you, even if it's a joke class. Do you like music? Maybe you can enjoy the church choir, or a band. Like to read? Maybe a book club would help. If it bores you, at least you tried. Look for people that don't drain you and make you feel better when you're around them. One warning about poetry (or attempting to write it)... if it's making you feel worse, stop. Read some of your old poetry when you're in a good mood, and if it sounds really bad, then it's not helping you! Rent or go see a movie (even by yourself) just to make you laugh. Laughter feels great. Speaking of laughter and positive distration:

"Open Minded Man Realizes Just How Much of His Life He's Wasted Listening to Bull$^&t: