Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Dissociative Disorders
i went to my counselar the other day and she read me some questions and had me say how often they occur. one of the questions was "some people experience voices in their head, how often do you" and it freaked me out so i decided to low score everything she asked lol. but anyways, what she had me take was a dissociative identity disorder test. and i do have some of the symptoms.
just recently, probably 4 months ago i first experienced a weird feeling when i was in the bathroom, i looked in the mirror and i felt... i don't know how to explain it.... it was a who am i feeling. like i knew my name and everything, it's just the weirdest feeling, like i was looking at myself as a stranger. when i'm not daydreaming, and i'm thinking i don't know who i am.
and yesterday, i had that feeling a lot. like i was a stranger in my own body, like i was watching myself. not like i couldn't control what i was doing, but like i was just watching.. i don't know if this makes sense, doesn't make much to me either. it's terrifying. i don't know if maybe i'm just psyching myself out. but i'm scared. i don't like this. i've never felt this way before. makes me think i should have just kept daydreaming. i wouldn't have found all this out. at least i wasn't scared.
i don't have split personalities. i don't think i do anyway. it's like i have no personality. i mean i laugh and joke around but that's all i could tell you. i'm trying to hold onto whatever i have left of my sense of self but it's slipping through my fingers.
and it really bothers me because i wasn't like this when i was younger. i was loud and bossy and opinionated, and had tons of friends and i never held back, yes i wanted alone time every now and then but i was sure of myself. i don't remember that time, but everyone i know says this. they say they don't know what happened. i don't either. whatever it is i hate it.
anyway, does anybody ever experience dissociate feelings? most people do, it's normal to an extent but i think i passed up 'normal' yesterday.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Angela E on
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Well, I would be really open about your counselor with this. It's possible that this is kind of the placebo effect, as in, you felt like your counselor was suggesting you had a dissociative disorder, and then suddenly you began experiencing more symptoms of it. You said you saw her a few days ago, and then you began experiencing this very strongly yesterday...So I would be a little wary if your mind isn't just doing what it thinks it's supposed to be doing. "Oh, I have a dissociative disorder! I didn't realize that! Let me start dissociating more!" But I am not you, so I can't know that for sure. And I am not a counselor, either. I would really think about whether you have had experiences like this before and how strong the experiences have been. Ultimately, only you and your doctor and/or counselor can say for sure whether you have a dissociative disorder and what you should do about it.
I know you said that some of the questions she asked freaked you out, so you weren't completely honest with your scoring of the questions. I would explain this to your counselor. Really, she is just trying to get information about you. A lot of these questions and tests are standard, and they don't mean that your counselor thinks you have schizophrenia or split personalities or anything. And the better information you give her, the better help she can give you. I know it's hard to be completely open and can feel really scary, but remember that you counselor is there to help you and make your life better, not to beat you up about what you reveal or make you feel bad. :)
I think the question of "Who am I?" and the feeling of being lost comes up a lot for MOST people who are giving up coping mechanisms they have relied on very heavily, whether it is fantasizing and daydreaming, drinking, watching a lot of television, etc. It also happens when people go through really big changes, like moving or losing their jobs, or switching careers, etc. I have felt like that myself, and I'm not sure if I would consider just wondering who you are or feeling like you are confused about your identity proof that you have a dissociative disorder. But as I said, you are the one experiencing these feelings, so you can better interpret them than I can, and I'm not a professional counselor or anything.
Interestingly enough, a lot of Eastern philosophies and religions suggest than people "watch their thoughts/feelings/themselves" during meditation as a means to awakening and finding out who they really are. I think that when we are younger, we are not self-aware, so it's easy to just be ourselves. As we grow up and realize we have choices in how we experience things and react to life, that's when we start wondering "Who am I?" And that's a challenging question to answer. Perhaps you are just trying to find your identity beyond daydreaming? Removing something from your life (like DD) can make your life suddenly feel empty, and we often get our sense of self from what is going on in our lives. Maybe you could try adding something new to your life that will take up some time and make your life feel fuller? I don't think that that is the "big" answer to the question of who you are, but I also don't think we find ourselves by sitting around and doing nothing. ha ha :) At least, that strategy has always done nothing more than confuse me/make me depressed.
Anyway, I'm not sure if that was helpful at all, but those are just my thoughts on it. :) Keep us updated on how you're doing.
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Permalink Reply by Shadow Cat Sam on
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Hi Amanda Lynne,
I am a multiple person(s). What the shrinky people used to call Multiple Personality Disorder and now call Dissociative Identity Dissorder in the USofA. I (the I that will be interacting at this web site) most defiantly have big time Maladaptive Daydream problems as well.
Not the same thing by any means, but I do believe that overlap between the two probably isn't uncommon. Lots of multiples have very rich internal worlds. And if your fantasy characters do what they want rather than what you want are they really "just" fantasy characters?
Nice to meet you.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Lynne on
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@Angela I know I should have been honest with her. I was just scared after that question, like if I said yes to anything I thought she'd have me committed to a mental hospital. I'm thinking about bringing it up again next session.. & that's what I was thinking, after she brought it up maybe I subconsiously started doing it more. I think I try to get that feeling, I don't know why, it's very weird, like I'll push myself to feel dissociative, and I don't know why I do, it's definitley not something I want to feel. & the third paragraph made me feel a lot better. I think it figures I'm a little confused as to who I am, how would I know, I don't do or think anything, all I do is daydream. I'm trying to see this as a positive thing. Like, I get to start from scratch, be who I want. And I guess kids are naturally more comfortable with themselves, but I'd like to reconnect a little with all those things I used to be. I'm doing my best not to push myself to dissociation and I did a little better yesterday. I'm holding on to the little sense of identity I have left
@shadow Nice to meet you too :) My characters do what I want.. haha. I don't think I have multiple personalities, but I could be wrong. I think if I have anything it'd be a case of derealization or depersonilization.
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Permalink Reply by Marcelo on
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I watched a movie with Mathew Perry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numb_(film) that the guy had depersonalization,
I can be wrong but look like is the same symptoms.
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Permalink Reply by Professional Daydreamer on
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Feeling the same and I think MD might be the starts of DID...that's just what i think it could possibly be, like you start believing you are what you daydream and you start developing different characters maybe?
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No never.
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Once when I was daydreaming about 2 characters from my daydream a male and a female. I caught myself playing the part of the male while Daydreaming. I KNEW I was daydreaming just not doing the voice thing. One of the most scariest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Thankfully I have got that under control.
Professional Daydreamer said:Feeling the same and I think MD might be the starts of DID...that's just what i think it could possibly be, like you start believing you are what you daydream and you start developing different characters maybe?
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Hi amanda
This happen to me when i first started to look for causes to my problem. I came accross thing like DID, schizophrenia, and other dissorders so i started to think that i had those things and when i read the symptoms of the dissorders i noticed that i would start to feel those symptoms myself which freak me out.
I dont know must about your case, but in my case i constanly worry about my health, this started like a year ago. Before that i daydream but it never freak me out because i knew exactly the difference between my dreams and reality. Now as one of my friends point it out, i have become a little hypochondriac so when i noticed my constant daydreaming. I thought i may be going crazy. It feel like a battle in my mind because one part of me thinks that i just worry and that i not going crazy or have any other dissorder. On the other hand one part of me is convinced that something is wrong. So i began to to think how do i know what is real and what is not. How do i know if it is just worry or is something serious. When ever i have those thoughts i become nervous and feel the worse.
I hope my post help and if you found an answer to your case can you please share with me because i would love to get rid out this sensantion. Thanks you in advance.
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