romanticising the illness.

[michael clarke]

i play with the belief that i am having visions.

i used to daydream about the usual; kid stuff and comic books. i was a super hero fighting the bad guy, saving the girl and loved by all. it was a continuing saga. id work in characters from things i had seen from books and television. i would also make a point to make up my own characters.

 

there came a change almost over night and for unknown reasons where i was unable to continue the fiction i was creating in my day dreams. i missed and mourned for the character i became in my fantasy. 

my daydreams instead became past and future events. either a memory or a prophetic day dream. so vivid at times ive snaped myself out of one by responding allowd to something i was seeing in my head.

 

if i have any anxiety about any event in the future, even any task no matter how major or minor, i find myself running it through my head untill im fairly certain i know exactly how it will happen. im not right 100% of the time but this condition of mine has givin me near impossible insight into future occurences.

 

i think it is in part due to my torturous obsession with replaying past events over and over again in my mind. when i get home i tend to "relive" certain parts of my day. usually things i disliked about it, where i felt i had said or done the wrong thing. i have a seemingly perfect long term memory. because i experience one event several times its easy to recall later.

 

ive read alot of mythology about oracles soothsayers and prophets and liken it with md.

 

does anyone else feel that they are gifted by thier affliction?

does anyone else share in past and future dd habbits?

 

[Jared]

It's not an illness. Illnesses are caused by bacteria, parasites or viruses.

[Palejade]

Im glad for my dreams. I get such a euphoria from it, its an escape, and i often feel bad for normal people for who can't do that. I know that it's a disorder, but I don't think I would give it up if you gave me a way to get rid of it completely. Sometimes i look back and feel bad about how much time ive lost. Sure i enjoyed it, but nothing concrete has come form all those hours. Time I could have spent doing something that will help me later on. But Im still doing well in my real time, i get things done and it doesn't really interfere with my goals. 

I relive things i wish i could change all the time. Most of my dreams are still based on books, movies, myths, comics... anything that im inspired by at the time. But I definitely sometimes dream about my own life. Going back and relive things the way i wish they had gone. I'll dream about a future where ive become something i want to become.

In terms of planning how i will do something, i ALWAYS end up running through everything in my head, trying to anticipate how that will go. I don't know if that's a part of MD or just me. I imagine outcomes, how i can prepare, things i should say, how i want to act,... 

Don't think of it as an illness. Our brains just work different. It's not going to kill us. If you embrace it and find a balance your life will be very rich. The more you think of it as a problem you need to get rid of, the more your going to hate yourself and the more unhappy you will be. 

[michael clarke]

i didnt invent the term mental illness.

Jared said:

It's not an illness. Illnesses are caused by bacteria, parasites or viruses.