Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[J Noland]

I've been letting my hair grow to match my dd personas. I do have a couple of dds where I have a very chic and short cut but I am more attatched to the "me" with long hair (it's much more luxuriously thick in the dds though :/). And those dds are prominently romantic in nature. Do you feel comfortable with the new color? Sounds like a fun change!

 BTW--My dds have been a little frustrating, not feeling worthy of the grandiose ideas. But that seems to be passing and I think I'll be enjoying some happy times here soon.

roxanne said:

I don't know what this has to do with this thread, but somehow it just seemed appropriate here.

I recently went brunette to sort of match my DD persona.  I've been every color, but had been a red head for a while.  Blonde for years before that.   But now I'm brunette, and my husband seems to love it, so...

[sasi]

Ooh Roxanne it must be exciting to make such a big change. Like Jen I'm growing my hair out just because I havn't had it long for years. My dd persona looks like me minus the saggy bits!! What changes is that parts of my personality that I like are magnified and dd people are "wowed" by them. 
Sunshine- how do you create your characters in your head ? Are they cartoon versions of characteristics of people you know or completely fictitious? 
Roxanne - how's the crush going? Are you still flitting between LC and JL? I'm still with my same crush , older one pops up from time to time but not bothersome. 

J Noland said:

I've been letting my hair grow to match my dd personas. I do have a couple of dds where I have a very chic and short cut but I am more attatched to the "me" with long hair (it's much more luxuriously thick in the dds though :/). And those dds are prominently romantic in nature. Do you feel comfortable with the new color? Sounds like a fun change!

 BTW--My dds have been a little frustrating, not feeling worthy of the grandiose ideas. But that seems to be passing and I think I'll be enjoying some happy times here soon.

roxanne said:

I don't know what this has to do with this thread, but somehow it just seemed appropriate here.

I recently went brunette to sort of match my DD persona.  I've been every color, but had been a red head for a while.  Blonde for years before that.   But now I'm brunette, and my husband seems to love it, so...

[Sunshine]

With me i put myself into a show as a character and i 99% of the time have a lover from the show. I sometimes don't notice but i seem to change there personality a little or sometimes a lot.  I HATE when they have a relationship with someone else. I can't love someone or go out with them if they have a lover. I try to stay with the facts of the show but i do make things up.

I am very connected to my characters. Once i thought one of my fav characters died and i got all depressed and cried but i am lucky because they didn't die they were healed.

When i was younger i use to imagine my self as a super hero and i was in a group of four. We each had a power of an element. The other three in the group were my friends from primary school. One was my bestfriend the other two were my friends but the weird thing is they both moved schools by year 1 and i continued with them in my daydreams until yr 3 or 4.  I tried a couple of times to kill them off and eventually i did but it was hard and emotional. I replaced them with two of my friends from yr 3/4. I have stopped this daydream and i don't even remember when.

I only daydream about anime/manga/cartoon characters or i make up my own story and when i make up my own story it is in real life form. I don't like crushing on real people unless i actually like them and they are a real person (not acting in a show/movie or an actor).

[roxanne]

Sunshine (what a great name), when you put yourself into shows, are they anime shows, weekly shows?  I'm a movie buff & don't watch a lot of weekly shows, so don't know.  Isn't that risky, as they are always getting romantically involved with someone else.  Again I'm just guessing here.  The one weekly drama I watch is Boardwalk Empire.  I would love to channel Margaret (Kelly McDonald), but my "crush" on show is Jimmy (Michael Pitt, a Leo somewhat look-alike), and they are each involved with different people.

JeN, hope your DD's get just grand.  There seems to be a sense lately that every one is wanting to down play DD's, but when they are great, they are transforming, at least momentarily.

Sasi, I think it's great your DD persona looks a lot like you.  (I think JeN's, too.)  Mine looks VERY different, except now for darker hair.  An interesting side note, though.  I took that test that has been linked here several times - I think it's Jungian - measuring intro/extroversion, feeling/thinking, etc.  I come out almost exactly the same doing it as me & as my DD person, except that I am an extrovert & she is an introvert.  I think there are a lot of people here who express that just the opposite is true.  I guess introverts always strike me as so much deeper, while I go babbling on about who knows what.

In answer to your question, I still go back & forth mainly between those 2.  I've found some peace with LD; we'll see if that holds up when he's in to next big affair.  Both of them are due, for that matter.

[1nmiirc70dne4]

Yes! This is the only real reason I DON'T like my daydreaming thing. My daydreams come from a book series that has 40 books and my daydreams are about the charcters but sometimes stupid facts will get in the way that I don't like and I send me into this depressed mood. Like in the book series I made 2 of the charcters twins and they can't live without each other and all that mushy stuff but the stupid fact that in the book they litterally HATE each other. I don't like to remind myself of that fact but every now and then it pops up. The fact that keeps me depressed the most is that one of the charcters (I only have 3 that I'm really connected to. The twins and this other guy that I'm talking about now) had a girl friend but she died so he married the other girl vicki (I like vicki. When ever I'm not daydreaming about the twins and its this guy, its always a love story between the him and vicki) but the stupid fact that he had dated that other girl just...its like I'm suffering through the issue. Vicki loved him but was very depressed when she found out he was dating another girl. Its like I'm suffering through the pain with her...

[Palejade]

Facts can get annoying. I've learned not to do research into the actors, and just focus on the characters on the show. They are the ones you are picturing. They are the people you feel you know. 

Just remember, what the actor is has nothing to do with the character. The character is yours. 

[roxanne]

Emily, I completely understand how overwhelming that can feel.  Do you just not read the books?  Too bad you couldn't edit them in part, to meet your own story line.  I have actually thought of doing that, but think of the work involved.  I would only edit certain chapters, but still.  Then if that changed...I don't know.  I am reconsidering.

Unfortunately, Palejade, my attachment is to the actors,(or their persona), not the characters.  I wish it were otherwise, but I see that each presents it's own problems - those pesky facts, just when we think we have total control.  It's probably a good thing.  Can you imagine how attached we would become to our DD's if we really had total control?

[Palejade]

Hmm true true. But i guess once a fact gets in the way it opens you up to find a new inspiration. I'm sure you'll start a new show that will have another guy who fits your needs. Just keep looking ;)

[roxanne]

That's a great way to look at it - once a fact gets in the way, it opens up a new avenue of inspiration.  So true in life, too.  Not of course easy to do, but then...I know I have learned so much from my DD's that has helped me in "real life."  This whole thread is about "when the facts get in the way."  I am going to think about what all I have learned from just this.

[Hank]

Whenever facts interfere with your DD just tell yourself  ''No this can't happen it's my dream and i am the prime , i can do or say whatever i want''  it really works to some % for me , hope it works for you too , if it does't incase there will be some other way you can do it i am sure . :) good luck 

[Drake]

for some reason I always have to figure out exactly how the daydream could work in reality. I bet I've solved a scientific quandary or two just doing that xD

[roxanne]

Sasi, I read your post to Nelson, and recognized it as the same thing you have told me.  And for some reason, this time I got it.  Sometimes you just have to be ready to hear something to actually receive it.  You told him that these DD crushes we have are just projections of ourselves (dressed up with their face, personality, voice,  bio, whatever makes them particularly attractive) loving ourselves.  It has freed me up so much.  Again, we will see next time he switches to some new (undeserving) girl friend, but for now, I'm feeling much stronger and able to enjoy his "face" as opposed to thinking of him as a complete person.  Do I really want him going through life alone?