new Oprah Lifeclass

[roxanne]

I don't know if anyone else is following Oprah's Lifeclass (every evening at 8PM EDT), but I am really enjoying it.  She has addressed many things that relate to us.  One thing is a concept (I'm familiar with from my practice) called Radical Acceptance.  It is a willingness to accept & tolerate what is, rather than fight it or even judge it.  (For instance, many of my clients had to deal with this:  my parent(s) were abusive & will never be what I want from them.  I accept them anyway, as doing the best they can in their circumstances.  I will learn to mother myself.)  (Or, I would love, above all else, to be beautiful, but I never will be, and that's OK.  I will try to be beautiful to others through my actions.)  This involves acknowledging dreams we have for ourselves, determining whether they are still realistic, and if so, trying to establish a plan of action; if they are not, learning to accept the fact that what you had hoped for isn't going to happen.  Know that this Dream is a part of you, realistic or not, and embrace it as such.  

I realized (Aha!) that much of what I had dreamed for - much of it superficial - I have accepted as unrealistic or unattainable on one level.  But on another level, I have not & moved them to my DD's.  I'm sure this didn't start my DD's, but my DD's have allowed me to continue The Dream (of being beautiful, involved with celebrities, great writer, great cook, etc., etc.)

[J Noland]

I haven't seen the show but I get Oprah magazine by subscription. I like the idea of radical acceptence. I think it sounds like a way to make peace with yourself instead of trying to live up to some unattainable standard. DDs are totally a way for me to experience the unattainable. I wonder if it's healthier to accept that they will never happen and try to let them go or be able to know it is just a dd and enjoy it for what it is. It would be difficult for me to just simply accept all of my shortcomings, maybe the trying helps us grow as people. But for the things that are truly hurting me emotionally, things that are not worth the anguish it would be a gift to teach myself to accept these things and love myself anyways.

[roxanne]

I think for me it's a matter of both.  I'm not going to give up certain things that comfort & excite me - as long as I can have them in my DD's - but I think I need to see them more for what they are.  And to also try to tweak my DD's.  They are really superficial.  I'd like to try to focus , both in reality & in my DD's , on things that are more substantial.  Does that make sense?

[roxanne]

I never think that God is judging me negatively for this.  On the other hand, I think he would support my goal to focus on more substantial, less superficial things, even & specifically within my DD's.  Yesterday was Teresa of Avila's feast day.  I've studied her & John of the Cross before - 2 great contemplative mystics.  I remember Teresa saying she did not agree with the philosophy of trying to rid your mind of all extraneous thoughts, that it was too artificial & forced.  But she did get to the point where she thought only of God.  When I studied this before, I got very much into it - took a class, read books - but always read it with & discussed it with my current "dream crush" of the time - same one I am still trying to get over.  God knows our weaknesses.  He is very forgiving.  I am going to focus on better things, but not try to cut down on DD'ing while doing it.  If it happens, so be it.

At least that's my plan.  Radical acceptance.  I am what I am.  How about you all?

[roxanne]

Patty, what's the favorite saying?

[Patty]

Let nothing disturb you,nothing frighten you.
All things are passing,God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who has God has everything.
God alone suffices.

[roxanne]

That's beautiful.  I'm really inspired to get back into her.  Will write here what I find really strikes a chord with me, as I hope others will,  too.  I don't want to stop DD'ing, just minimize the DD's that are really trivial & uninspiring to me.  Or hurtful.

[roxanne]

Well, I went out for lunch today (at Panera's) and spent an hour reading Edna St. Vincent Millay.  It was lovely; she is such a beautiful, if melancholy, poet.  I will continue to do this every day: assign myself wonderful things to read or think or study. ( Of course I read to and was read to by my D.L.)