"Crashing"?

[Marie]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been obsessively daydreaming all my life --- nearly 40 years --- and have long ago given up trying to curb it. I daydream nearly constantly from the second I wake up in the morning until I fall asleep at night. My daydreams are always intertwined with reality in some way. They are centered around real people and incorporate a least a little detail from their actual lives.

Now, I know the difference between the reality and the fantasy. Fortunately.

BUT... I find that, despite knowing the difference, I experience horrible depression whenever either of two things happen: 1) when the real life version of my "character" does something that runs counter to my fantasies; or 2) when I'm overwhelmed by the realization that this IS just fantasy and it will never be true.

I suppose these are just thoroughly unwanted intrusions of reality. I call it "crashing." They are infrequent, but they really do knock me for a loop.

Anyone else experience this?

[sasi]

I relate to so many of the posts on this thread.I agree with Jennifer that there is a lot about control in our dream worlds and a lack of control in reality.

On the flip side and said with the greatest respect for those of you who don't want to take this view,I do believe that there is something to be said for living life in the real world.Many years of suffering,soul searching and practice has made me realise that there is such a wealth of amazing positives to be had from encounters in the real world.I have met wonderful people who's views are very different to mine but have expanded my horizons in a way I could never have managed on my own.I have also had to learn how to deal with those things and people who I don't like.While these experiences are sometimes horrible I do learn from them.If I'm really honest now, my best life experiences are all real world not my fantasy world.This is something I could not have said if asked the same thing some years ago.Saying that I still love my DD,warts and all, most of the time and would never want to  give them up because they also make up a part of me.

[Katherine]

Yes I agree, my favourite memories are real world memories.  I think the real world teaches you more because it's not inside your control, so you're presented with utterly unexpected thoughts and actions from others.

Speaking of memory, weirdly I've been able to forget whole segments of fantasy life.  When I was at school my friends were messing about and one of them said "Lemac." (Camel backwards.  I don't recall how or why that was said!  I had eccentric friends.)  It triggered the memory of a name in my head, Avery Lemac, and after searching my brain for a second or two I remembered a complex day dream I used to have a few years before this involving a character called Avery Lemac.  It was weird how I had totally forgotten it.  I'm sure I couldn't forget important people in my life like that.  Quite frequently I think of people I used to know and wonder what happened to them.

sasi said:

I relate to so many of the posts on this thread.I agree with Jennifer that there is a lot about control in our dream worlds and a lack of control in reality.

On the flip side and said with the greatest respect for those of you who don't want to take this view,I do believe that there is something to be said for living life in the real world.Many years of suffering,soul searching and practice has made me realise that there is such a wealth of amazing positives to be had from encounters in the real world.I have met wonderful people who's views are very different to mine but have expanded my horizons in a way I could never have managed on my own.I have also had to learn how to deal with those things and people who I don't like.While these experiences are sometimes horrible I do learn from them.If I'm really honest now, my best life experiences are all real world not my fantasy world.This is something I could not have said if asked the same thing some years ago.Saying that I still love my DD,warts and all, most of the time and would never want to  give them up because they also make up a part of me.

[roxanne]

I feel for the most part that I have found a good balance.  This isn't to say I don't struggle with both the DD's & the real life component of my life.  I have made great sacrifices on both sides.  I am sure without MD I would have done more with my career, helped rescue more animals (my husband & I have an animal shelter), been much more attentive to husband, mother, sister, friends, and probably even had kids.  But on the other side, I have had such intense enjoyment, I feel it was an acceptable price to pay.  I have even asked myself from time to time if I would truly want the life of my DD's, and for the most part, the answer is no.  It is superficial.  It is hectic.  I would have to compete for the heart of someone who could have millions of girlfriends.  In my teens & twenties, I felt differently some of the time, but even then I felt it would be too hard.  I like my life; it's simple & quiet & rewarding.  I like my DD's because they are intense and dramatic and feverish.  The only way I can keep them feverish is to present lots of obstacles to overcome, so nothing is ever just calm & peaceful (like my real life.)  I had a DD crush for years who was black - this was great as it gave me an automatic obstacle that prevented us ever going beyond a certain point.  As soon as we get "married" in my DD, the tension is gone and I have to start all over again, or introduce a problem.  I would be totally worn out if this were true in real life.

[roxanne]

Course I have to say that I am anxious most of the time.  Whether this is helped or hurt by MD, I can't say.

[J Noland]

My life is very simple too. And I like it that way. When people ask me what's going on lately I "nothing, but that's the way I like to keep it." People comment to me how nice it would be to have a quiet life like me. But in my dd's things are crazy, I'm a busy and social person and there is lots of drama. But it stops when I'm done with it. If I'm really honest with myself I wouldn't want the dd lives I've had...well maybe a bit. I've got a few really fun ones that are more realistic. But sometimes those are the ones that make me the most sad when I crash because it's like I've been dangling a carrot that I can't reach.

Roxanne you have an animal shelter?! That is so wonderful! My father always had tons of animals around when I was growing up. He was a reptile enthusiast. But we were raised to really appreciate animals. They give the best, most honest, unconditional love. It makes me sooooo mad when people abuse them. Those ASPCA commercials bring me to tears. That is a very special thing you are doing. My kitties (rescues!) are sending you their love and thanks.

roxanne said:

I feel for the most part that I have found a good balance.  This isn't to say I don't struggle with both the DD's & the real life component of my life.  I have made great sacrifices on both sides.  I am sure without MD I would have done more with my career, helped rescue more animals (my husband & I have an animal shelter), been much more attentive to husband, mother, sister, friends, and probably even had kids.  But on the other side, I have had such intense enjoyment, I feel it was an acceptable price to pay.  I have even asked myself from time to time if I would truly want the life of my DD's, and for the most part, the answer is no.  It is superficial.  It is hectic.  I would have to compete for the heart of someone who could have millions of girlfriends.  In my teens & twenties, I felt differently some of the time, but even then I felt it would be too hard.  I like my life; it's simple & quiet & rewarding.  I like my DD's because they are intense and dramatic and feverish.  The only way I can keep them feverish is to present lots of obstacles to overcome, so nothing is ever just calm & peaceful (like my real life.)  I had a DD crush for years who was black - this was great as it gave me an automatic obstacle that prevented us ever going beyond a certain point.  As soon as we get "married" in my DD, the tension is gone and I have to start all over again, or introduce a problem.  I would be totally worn out if this were true in real life.

[sasi]

I am the opposite in a few ways.My life is extremely hectic .I have a busy job,kids,husband and a very active social life.I really like being busy.It's strange when I go on holiday.It takes me a few days to be able to sit still but when I do I love it and find it very relaxing.However after a while my brain starts to want to think of things or find things to do.Generally I have very high energy levels and need a lot less sleep that others.I can get anxious at times though and am definitely a "worrier"

 For me my DD have 2 very distinct patterns.The calm,steady relationship type(was used to protect me from emotionally charged house growing up)and I still like it.Then there's the high adrenaline,obstacle overcome with passion etc type.I tend to spend a whole day/period in 1 type or another.

  OK.Lightbulb moment here.If I can choose which type of DD to have maybe stay with the calm ones when life hectic then I wont"crash".Use emotional type only when life steady.Worth a try.

[roxanne]

See how good we are getting at this!