Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[roxanne]

Doesn't he have a couple college degrees.  I think he's quite brainy, which makes him all the more attractive.  I did "try him on for size" when I was trying to get rid of my current obsession (1 of about 7), but unfortunately, something didn't quite click.

Was the nanny-gate scandal the issue that got to you with Jude Law?  That didn't bother me as much.  I still see him as a classy guy.

[roxanne]

How do you Photo Shop?  Or is it too confusing to even start?

[sasi]

It's interesting that you both like these British actors.All of my crushes have been American.I guess that there is something more attractive about the slight unknown.Jude law looks so like my brother that he would never be an option for me anyway!

 I am having a bit of a weird dilemma.I keep oscillating between my 2 recent crushes who both seem to hold an equal attraction for me.This has never happened before and i'm not sure I like it.I prefer to have 1 main crush at a time or I start to feel emotionally torn or unfaithful.Not sure which one to pick.I keep realising that this sounds crazy as it is all fantasy anyway.I like to make up storylines for me and my crush and I have more with my former crush as I know more about him but also these can get upsetting as it is not all good.On the other hand my most recent crush is"perfect" as I know nothing about him but for some reason my storylines are limited.

  What I have noticed is that when I am with either of these crushes it brings out different sides of my character in real life.The first makes me dress and act younger,more edgy and fun.The second makes me act more softly and intelligent.Do your crushes change how you act?

  As for photoshop I don't use it.My husband is an expert with it so could ask him(obviously will not tell him what for)any specific questions you have.

[roxanne]

I totally agree that having 2 would make me feel unfaithful, although I do have brief forays with others.  There is always a main one, though.  (Well, usually.  I think in the past I may have "played around" more, depending on my mood, need to add some new spark, whatever.  There have been crushes that I have turned to over the years that made me feel "safe" when I was very nervous about something.  (One was a Native American character from a much loved book, who in my mind looked like Jimmy Smits.)  But I totally realize your dilemna.  I do think it is all more exciting when you know more, and also when story line isn't so "perfect."  A romance novel always adds some obstacle, and I know in my story lines there are always obstacles, just to keep the endorphin level racing.  As for English guys, the accent drives me nuts.  And just seeing J. L. when I posted picture, I have to say, many feelings came racing back and gave me some sleepless nights.  Have to go; will post more on subject later - specifically, how they change how I act?  Will give some thought,to very interesting question.  Maybe a key question.

[roxanne]

Nothing like the start of the new football season to give a girl a little more fodder for DD:

http://i.fanpix.net/images/orig/k/3/k3682ozbdqwjbzq8.jpg"

 

(Troy Polamalu of Pgh. Steelers)

[J Noland]

Add me to the list of Americans with a British crush. I do have American crushes too, but they're not the same as my key crush. He is the one that will bring me to tears when I try to face the fact that he is not real. Some of my lesser crushes show up as non romantic intrests in some dd's. The Brit is always romatic. And no other crushes are allowed in his dd's...not even as background characters. I have a love of most things British though. I love history and archeology and the British have tons of history. I lived in England for a while but that was long after my established crush came about.

 I am sort of jealous of the other md'ers here who can dd about things without involving themselves as a character. I wonder if I'd be able to give a real guy the kind of devotion my dd love gets. That would be one lucky man, I tell you.

[roxanne]

I don't know what you mean by "not involving themselves as a character"?  You mean in the DD?  I can't imagine that either.  On the plus side though, we get so much emotional satisfaction.  Any hints as to who your Brit might be?

[J Noland]

Yes, like I read that some people can have a dd about other people and not have themselves in the dream. It's so interesting to find out the different ways other md'ers dream. Hints about my crush? Oh boy, I feel so nervous just thinking about naming him. No idea why... silly of me. I saw him in a movie back in the 80's when I was like 11 and now he's in his 40's and still my favorite. He's not super well known, mosly supporting roles in tv and lots of theatre. This has probably allowed me to fill in a lot of details without having to face reality. There is virtually no gossip about him anywhere on the internet. I don't even mention him to my best friend when we are discussing what celebrities we are attracted to. Maybe I'll get the courage to post his name eventually :)

roxanne said:

I don't know what you mean by "not involving themselves as a character"?  You mean in the DD?  I can't imagine that either.  On the plus side though, we get so much emotional satisfaction.  Any hints as to who your Brit might be?

[roxanne]

That is funny, how hard it is to acknowledge current crushes.  In reality, I'd be thrilled to meet someone who had the same celebrity crush & see how they were faring.  ( I'm sure not everyone feels this way.)  Sasi has also noted the advantage of having a crush that is lesser known for reasons you mention.  On the other hand, it is never dull with someone who is very much in the public eye.  In terms of friends, I used to talk about current crushes all the time, but have backed off, and now seem hesitant to mention them.  Wierd.  It would be interesting if we could have an anonymous disclosure of crushes/obsessions.  Then if you found someone else shared yours,it would be up to both of you to share identities.  Does that make sense?

 Sasi, how are you doing in terms of the 2 men you are currently attracted to?  It sounds like a similar dilemma, in terms of one being much more public.

[J Noland]

I know it's crazy that I'm nervous to name him. I'd be suprised if someone else had the same crush. I've had minor crushes on popular actors but maybe it's because there was too much "reality" to be found that I don't stay interested. It does make the search for info and pictures exciting because when I find something new it is a total rush. It freshens up the old played out stuff. Some of my minor crushes are easy to name- Viggo Mortensen, Alexander Godnov (sadly he died), even Dwayne Johnson (when he's being funny and charming not too pumped up and steroid crazy), Julian Sands shows up once in a while too. Oddly Jude Law hasn't worked his way in though he's very much my "type." I cannot wait to see the next Sherlock Holmes! Robert Downey JR has been a character in some of my dd's but never as a romantic intrest, strange.

[roxanne]

Julian_Sands_Cannes_nineties.jpg

A friendly present for J N.

 How did you not get into J.L?

Very attractive group, I must say.  Wasn't Alexander Gudnov the one who defected & his wife went back to Russia or something.  Sounds like a movie.  I remember him in Money Pit, which I love.

[J Noland]

Thanks for the pic Roxanne! It's been a while since he popped up but my goodness he is a versatile character. I still love his voice. Yes Alexander G was a defector from Soviet Union way back. He was also in Die Hard and Witness. There was time when he was a serious diversion for me.

Gloriana- It took me a few months to lose my US ego when living in England. I felt like they thought we were so horrible then I realised that a lot of the times they were just stating facts and not trying to be mean. I think some Americans feel like we have to "promote" the US to other countries, we're trained to be very proud (which is not a problem for me!) and many folks see that as boisterious or vain. I was a US Airforce wife in England and we were given a class on English culture to help us. People tend to think that because we share a language and look similar that we must be the same. I found that just like the US, England had regional differences, nice people, rude people, low class, high class, and all the stuff in between. Of course with MD'ing you get to have only the parts you want so it's a win-win for me :)