8 very long days

[Schatten]

It's my 8th day without MD. I had a weird dream and then I tried to stop. 
Now a few days have passed. 
My brain says it wasn't that bad, you can live with it. Return to it. 

I don't want to, I want to make it this time. But it's very difficult to accept the amount 
of time I've wasted all these years. All the chances, all the possibilities.

What I know from the last few times and hit me again, is this overwhelming sadness. 

It's like you've lost something and now there's nothing good left. 
But what do I have if I no longer have my own world? What's left for me?
In my world I am someone, I can do something, I love someone. 

At the same time, I know that something new can only emerge if I finally let go of the old. 
It's so hard, but I'm really trying. 

[Schatten]

Thank you John. I think I need more time, I have to get used to having only one life.

[John Alves]

Just imagine the different possibilities now that you've woken up, it helps me on difficult days.