Having Maladaptive Daydreaming since 6 years old, now is getting critical

[Martino]

Hello, I'm suffering of Maladaptive Daydreaming since I was 6 y.o., I've always lived with my daydreams and struggling to socialize and relate with other people because of it and yet till I didn't realize what was going on with me. Autism? Asperger? I didn't knew what I had, until I've just made 30 years old: I've seen the description of it that represents everything that haunts me, every symptoms corresponds to it. SO I tried at first to living with it like was a little issue. Now it has reached a critical point.

I'm unable to enjoy the company of my girlfriend, a person that I see only 4-5 months at year since we live in different towns and I got in hers in summer when I have to work; when we meet each other I rarely found now arguments of which talk about. I'm unable to enjoy the company of other people when I'm sitting in a bar to drink something and chat with them. I'm unable to sleep properly because I've just started to day dream even in deep night (!) and now I'm relying on Xanax and sleep pills to do at least 6 hours of sleep.

My girlfriend has to project to search for a house for us two but I've just not enough concentration and energy, especially when I'm out of my job because my brain is too concentrated to develop stories with imaginary people, real people in imaginary situations and other b.s.

This is also effecting me about my job because, once I'm out of my seasonal contract and done with my job, I'm still unable to earn my living in a independent way since I don't earn enough money and this brings me deeper into my daydreams instead of giving me the determination to go further and try everything to become financially independent.

Is anyone here in a situation similar if not identical to mine? Are even you struggling with your partners right now because of daydreams? Does some of you have some strategies to fight back the day dreams? Any advice will be welcome!

[John Alves]

Amigo, já estou surpreso de que alguém nessa condição tenha arrumado um relacionamento, você só precisa tentar mesmo, tem muitas pessoas aqui que tiveram melhora de vida.

[Kalliope]

Hello!

The first part of your very stressed post reminds me of the beginning of what Eretaia's posts are about. Read them very thoroughly, they are one of the keys to overcoming MD. MD is a protection, a coping mechanism. To overcome it, it is possible that you will need to accept strong discomfort and truly unpleasant feelings in your life with your whole heart.

https://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/part-2-curing-maladaptive-d...

Furthermore, it can absolutely be that your desperate, tough-to-handle MD is just that - MD. It could be also possible that an underlying additional condition, such as anxiety, ADHD, or CDS (or autism, if you considered that), exacerbates your inability to overcome your coping strategy and effectively realize your plans in life.

I personally would start with the emotion work from Eretaia's blogs, and a journal. Try to find what you're running from. It will inevitably be something difficult to find, difficult to accept, and difficult to tackle (or even write down). I personally would have said you'd need 1-3 years to mitigate and stop MD, and around 3-5 years to improve the underlying stressors and triggers.

Good luck, and, most importantly, keep on fighting. There is a future you who can completely translate the feelings your dreams give you into reality.

[Martino]

Thank you so much! I'll look each anyone of these steps. It won't be easy since I'm a very emotive and passional person but I'll do everything to overcome daydreams, or at least to control them

[Schatten]

Because of MD I never made it very far in a relationship, at least you have that.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was a major maladaptive daydreamer since I was 12, and overtime, it greatly impacted my life socially and health-wise. Firstly, it made me feel happy and magical, like life will be splendid. WRONG. It did the exact opposite for me, it made my life HURT with problems, humiliation, and regret. It distracted me from having very healthy relationships and a fulfilling career. I might as well been walking around drunk. People could read me like a book and assume that I'm probably not here. I had so many problems making friends, because I have Asperger syndrome and do all these funny things that make others either critical, scared, and fucking weirded out. 

Just when I finished college and planned to become a business woman in design, my life turned rocky, before I knew it myself. My mom found out that I daydreamed all day, and she was absolutely fraught with anger. She thought I'll never be successful at anything, except for my artwork. Every job opportunity that came along, if I did something that looked suspiciously nuts, she'd abruptly warn I'll get fired if the staff people notice anything. My dad was always supportive of me, no matter what my mental health was like. He just wants me to be an independent person. But my mom's a female, so our relationship has more rigidity. 

I have to add, when I was a young adult in my 20's. Maladaptive daydreaming rocked my world, and make me excited towards life, when really, life is HARD and a struggle, and not always promising to your desires and wishes. You have to work so hard for everything you want, but I was too much of a fluff brain to see that. Eventually it all caught up with me, now I'm as sorry as hell, especially in this pandemic. I can't look old friends and peers in the eye and admit to them that I don't LIVE...because I used to be a big daydream addict. I can't even tell you how traumatic MDD has made my life. People who didn't realize that I was a daydreamer yelled their heads off at me, because they felt I was acting so dumb and irrationally. 

So you're not alone at all. However, I do not have a partner, and never have. Good news is that I've overcame daydreaming, but with a price. I have to start over!

[Martino]

It's sad that you've suffered that much during your teenage and twenties but I'm also happy that you have overcome the daydreams; don't give up about relationships because i got my gf after being alone for 22 years, soon there will be you time to meet your other half.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

How old were you, when you met your girlfriend?

Yeah, sad part is I should've brought this up with my family in advance. Since I didn't do this for years, it caught up with them, and it got me stuck for years more. Now I'm upset, because I missed out on a bunch of opportunities. 

To add insult to injury, if I try out for something externally, a class, program, job etc, she's concerned they'll have senses about me. I might not daydream like I have before, but I still show symptoms that I'm not completely grounded into reality. 

Also, my future didn't go as planned. Plus she still has me under her foot, because of her concerns, like I lost her trust. I feel like people don't buy me. 

I'll have to save myself from my rut, I am trying, but the job economy sucks right now. 

[Martino]

I met her when I was 22, now I'm 34. You should tell your mother that is not your fault that you're the way that you are, since I have no responsibility for the way that I am, also you should tell her that you're try everything to do make your condition better and stop being so judgy. Also you should ask most of the help to your father since looks like he is the one who is most understanding.
My parents thought that I got sort of autism or Asperger's syndrome but none of these is true and when I told them my condition they still don't realize what kind of stuff is. The only one who understands me is my gf.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Romantic, your girlfriend is the one person who understands. I'm kind of on the prowl for a bf myself, 38, haven't met him yet, but I'm sure he'll understand too. 

I don't have autism for sure, but I could have Asperger's. 

Another thing I have to admit is that I'm quite introvert. I don't socialize much, but that's going to change this fall. 

[Martino]

Thanks; hope things changes for you asap. Same I hope for myself.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I was in my early 20's. I got too carried away with MD. I got all excited that life was starting and I believed my future was going to be awesome. Beautiful things were going to happen to me. I was going to meet the love of my life, go on adventures, travel places, have a blast. You can say, I lived in a fairy land, at first. 

I worked at a burger joint in my local town, while getting through college. Loud 50's, 60's, and 70's music was blaring on the radio overhead. In a way, it felt like happy hour for me. Positive Utopic thoughts were popping in my head. But my situations weren't exactly perfect, there was friction in the relationships I had with my managers, co-workers, even the customers. They noticed that I seem to be in another world...showing fixed erratic emotions, a dazed far off look in my eyes, motioning my body funny. 

I still wanted a love partner, and planned to do, what I wanted down the road. Funny enough, this never ever happened. Those warm, magical feelings turned out to be unreal and had nothing to do with real life. I can only assume that being in an MD state back then, it pulled the wool over my eyes. 

Getting to the point. I realize that I wasn't mature, well-experienced, and observant enough to see that my fantastical thoughts made absolutely no sense right. I wasn't going to get anything I wanted out of daydreaming. Now being 38, I perfectly aware that you must work very hard to be happier. Regardless, I was young and silly, and knew nothing about life, so there you go. I had no idea, at the time in my 20's, I was really dealing with a mental health issue that needed therapy. 

I strongly see now that relationships also takes hard work, apparently. The big mistake that I made is that I didn't test the waters. I stayed single for a very long time. I payed no attention to who was there for real. I was just so attracted to my daydreams. So it kept me single today. That's why I've never been in a real, steady relationship. 

Plus being in a relationship does have it's ups and down—no dream intended. I don't have the idea of what it's even like being in a relationship with a real person. So who am I to say it will be a dream?
It's life like everything else—sadly I didn't come to realize this soon enough. I simply never met the dude. 

When my dad gave me good advice in my teen years, to leave my cocoon, and develop friends and relationships, I stupidly didn't follow it. So I faced years not know what relationships are like, and preferred to live in my daydream life instead. Which was bloody minded of me. But I'm sure I'm not the only one. 

[Martino]

You're not the only one indeed, it affected me too about having friends, real friends, and love relationships as well. Also it affected me about having a job and I relied and daydreaming and play videogames to ignore all the problems that I would face in the future. But I made it despite my ongoing issues; still a shitload to things that I have to do, same things that brought me in this state today.