I constantly freeze

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I stopped being active with maladaptive daydreaming years back. I have crucial responsibilities, try to stay away and concentrate, but notice that I suddenly wonder off and my eyes go dazed for a minute or so. This happens when I'm chill and during an stress-free time. Family and friends have made remarks that I look like my mind is somewhere else. I'm not sure though, it's more like I zone out. I'm trying to seek employment, but so afraid that when I start a new gig, someone will notice my eyes! Maybe even my frozen state. Unless the job is remote. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Real life just doesn't look like what you picture as a kid. You think you'll have everything all figured out, and up the road you'll be gold. Life is baffling. It's a big struggle. It's full of inconveniences. You're going to be disillusioned along the way. Some of your goals may not work out.

For example, I can't even get a job, right now. I applied to 40 places this week. Everything from merchandise, repairing, to cutting stone. I'm thinking of showing up in person to hand a resume, like old times. Heck with the internet. 

You want something to happen...do it yourself. 

[Mina]

Yes life is inconvenient specifically i the crazy times we live in with al the inflations and chaotic market most businesses is in saturation and even the salaries not that good .. for me i am trying very hard to have my online business even if it is small thing because i am afraid of the instability

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What is your online business? What is hard about keeping it stable? 

I am counting on landing a contract somewhere, or a line of freelance work. At this extent, I'll have to make alternate plans. Freaking out right now. Never thought this would happen. I relied too much on indeed and LinkedIn. It seems hard to believe, I'll find a full-time gig at this rate. 

I'll have to network, keep a matrix of contacts, and ask people if they need me to do their projects. Even research company websites, show them my resume and profile. Apparently, just sending my applications around will do me no good. I will have to seriously persevere. 

I'm also thinking of changing careers. I picked a field that was too challenging, competitive and fast for me. I was naive when I jumped into the program. Now I feel like I messed things up, due to my stupid decision making. 

[Mina]

Still in the preparation phase and i will still work as freelance to prepare xapital for it it's all just dreams now .. but i really don't want to be at mercy of contract all my life even full time jobs still a contract they can lay me off on whim i don't think working for sombady else is sustainable anymore and if i jave to fight all the time it better for my own. Business


In regard the carrer changing it's up to you capabilities qnd what you are trying to qchive i just if i can give a uneducated advice from someone who struggling too
Don't confuse the cause and effect for example not because x and y happen on the same time that x is cause of y or vice versa they maybe don't hire you just because they are saturated not because any lake of skill of course the beteer judge on that but if you read analysis on us market you would find that mowt companies are laying off and we are talking mega companies not just SME may be the ukrqin war is the reasone may be other things i am not sure... In grand scheme of thing there is always another variable in the equation you are not the only viariable so please consider that when you making this self assessment . .. i can feel that you are afraid or panicking and that's understandable you're not alone but this state of mind qould cloud your judment i fi may suggest try to calme down (believe me i know how hard it's) try ton underatand the market try ro contact peopel inside the companies. another thing see what are you laking if the companies want some skill that you don't have ...
Qnother thinking path if that applicable try to start some sort of online business if your carrer allow that and even if it's not maybe consider side job beside what are you regularly doing

[Mina]

I can suggest another thing too consider teaching either online or local in your carrer that could help too ... Teaching english is somthing that could be helpfull too specially that you're native

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Thanks this is all helpful. 

[Mina]

my phone did it again sorry i can't edit the reply

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Could you describe more about the business? What is your interest? Is it products or services?
Your English is jumbled in this blog. Is English your second language? 

I would've considered an online business independently an advantage. But I'm not a business person. I'm really just an artist. I could sell something I did, like a painting, on an ecommerce website that's managed by someone. 

[Mina]

Yes english is not my native but my phone touch screen somtimes will make mistakes because of the touch sensitivity so when i touch on a letter it will register the adjacent letter i didn't notice until i opened my conputer
There is sites that allow you to sell your are product with commission i don't know them but i heard about them

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What is your business about? What are you selling?

[Mina]

I don't have business yet i wish to have my own business because of the instability on the current market it was just a thought not something that happened yet i am still struggling to focuse on basic task and struggling to stop my MD with a lot of psychological disorders it was just me exchanging thoughts with you

[Jessica Ballantyne]

By all means, share your thoughts. The feeling is mutual. I feel like MD took over my life and decisions, and this is probably why I live in a rut—I didn't want in the first place. If I didn't have stern relatives, I probably wouldn't have still lived where I am now. I probably would've lived in a condo, holding a bunch of part-time jobs and side hustles. But apparently in real life, I still live with my parents and sister, because I wasn't smart, strong and mature enough to change all that. 

I honestly don't know why I didn't grow up to the person I should've been. Maybe my mom did too much for me, and I didn't learn any worldly responsibilities while I got raised. And I didn't adjust into socialization like I was supposed to, because most times, I was frickin daydreaming all day long and talking to my invisible friends. I simply didn't ever fit in, probably because I have Asperger syndrome, and nobody like the fact I had trouble with social interaction and holding a conversation overt-time without sounding too quiet and awkward. 

It wasn't easy being me socially, I got made fun for the way I looked, behaved, and sounded. I found myself in the wrong crowds. I finally met the right crowd at my art teacher's home farm, and I finally felt like I belonged. They accepted that I had an imagination. I'll showcase my artistic talents to them, they're all friendly people.

Anyway...I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering from psychological disorders. I almost went psychotic if I hadn't pulled myself out of MD. I'm glad I did.