If only I did it better

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Parents have been telling their kids over the years that daydreaming doesn't get you ahead in the world. My parents never knew that I was a daydreamer, at least my mom didn't, and I was a very quiet kid. I was always thinking and trailing off now and then. Rather than staying in the present moment with others. I didn't tell them what's been going on in that head of mine. 

Whatsoever, when I was 12, my dreams began to get very thick and overpowering. It made me feel wonderful at first, like it filled me with happy thoughts. I never believed anything really bad was going to happen. I thought this new wave was looking onward to better, more exciting things to come. It didn't occur to me that I really started a mental health disorder, losing myself in complex daydreams that were to colour the next 25 years of my life. 

As MD got stronger, I became extremely quiet and standoffish around others. I wasn't making any friends, and my family always wondered what was on my mind. My grades dropped in school, and this eventually effected my career path as well. I had a very scanty start in my adulthood. I did got to an art and design college, but had a very difficult time making my way to success and independence. I had so many employers and clients—but no breakthrough career or anything permanent. Apparently, I couldn't hide the fact that I was a daydreamer, and a lot of people smartly found it out. 

My mom now knows that I daydream, even live in other worlds, and she once told me, "I would've had a better life, if I hadn't been living on another planet." Meanwhile, all my friends and peers live the lives that they want, because why would they have done what I did? 

I guess that I started to maladaptive daydream, because I was socially cut out and bullied. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, and I didn't fit in. Nobody liked or appreciated me enough, and I had no relationships. I just went unnoticed, like I wasn't ever there—like I didn't exist, and I didn't matter to anyone. BUT I could've changed all this, if I stopped daydreaming and payed more attention to people. BUT all people noticed that I was extremely quiet with a distant, far off look in my eyes, and they were concerned for me. They didn't think I was OK and had issues. 

To add insult to injury, if I hadn't been daydreaming the way I have, I probably would've been successful and living on my own by now. Not only does maladaptive daydreaming lie to you, and it ruins everything. Don't try it. 

[Mina]

you describing my life exactly .. the problem is although i now know it seem that the MD made a lot of problems in my personalty that need to be fixed because of that i don't have any social skills  beside having OCD , ADHD , and dozen of personality disorders  that i still discover about it every day

wish better for every body

[Tan]

Rooting for you alwaysssssss