Frustration

[Anima]

Do you guys ever feel frustrated when your daydreams don't come true? Not necessarily the daydreams themselves, but the emotions that come with them? Like they're so close, but just out of reach, and if so, how do you deal with the frustration?

[Mace Winter]

I can read your frustration between the lines you write. I am so sorry that your experience has had more challenges than some other’s. You don’t deserve that - nobody does. 
it is a big lie that we can do anything if we try hard enough. We can’t. But sometimes the experience of trying opens doors to new opportunities or presents new interests that we ARE able to explore. 
you are you. I hope you don’t forget to enjoy being you because you’re frustrated at not being someone else. 
anyway, I just woke up in a strange hotel in Nevada and I’m on my way to Oregon today. 

looking forward,

mace

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Was it strange? 

I'm doing a frustrating job search going no place. I networked with a couple recruiters and an employer at a media agency that still hasn't gotten back. Honestly, job boards are not liable, and yet so many job seekers use them to find jobs. I'm surprised if I get something by the summer. The unemployment rating is low. Thing is many companies don't post their opportunities on job boards, because they have to pay for it. So the job seekers have to dig around and network. Currently, I freelance for a digital marketing agency that didn't assign me work for a month. So I'm restless as of now. I'm squirely on the internet. Applying used to be easier. I used to get interviews by simply submitting a well-written resume. Now they are very selective with their candidates. It's very competitive out there, especially in the design industry. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I learned so much in the past three decades. If you want relationships, go out and look for it, and pay attention to people. If you want to get ahead in life and accomplish things, you must work very hard at it. Above all, you have to make it happen—it doesn't happen for you. 

I was dumb-dumb with no experience as a young person. I got spoon fed and overprotected by my mom. Didn't go out as a kid, run amuck, and get experience. I was always close to home, so I had no idea. I think my soft upbringing gave me illusions. I remember what a feather-brain I was in my 20's. In a way, it arrested my development and perception of the outside world. 

Now my dad is still persuading me to get a job, so I can be financially secure someday. I opened a file at a new employment service centre and will speaking to a recruiter this Thursday. Hopefully, she can help me out with this. I applied to places all over the map with no employer feedback. I hope to get a placement that can keep me on long-term. I'm so sick of hopping, it shouldn't happen. It doesn't make my resume look very good. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I went to my recruiter just yesterday, I told her that I might have Asperger Syndrome, and my communication skills aren't perfect. She told me that a majority of people she meets, who are in graphic design and digital media, have a form of autism or Asperger syndrome. A guy she was working with had autism did brilliant designs beyond amazement. She probably can help me nail an opportunity that fits my talents and persona. I think this is much better than trying to apply by myself. 

[Mace Winter]

Hi there! It’s been a while since I’ve written. I traveled to Oregon (from Arizona) and am enjoying the cool beach life for a couple of months with a friend. 
it sounds as if you’ve had a busy week! I’m sorry to hear about the possibility that you have Asperger’s syndrome, but sometimes knowing what is causing you to feel different can help one understand and relax a bit. I hope this happens for you. You seem like such a decent person, Jessica, I want only good things for you. 
a nephew of mine was diagnosed with Asperger’s and he does okay. He struggles with some social anxiety and working is a challenge, but overall he lives a good life. Luckily he’s surrounded by people who care enough to be patient when needed.

I am headed out to walk on the beach. TTYL.

mace

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This must explain why I was socially anxious and work as a challenge. WHY my parents worry about me. Even though I'm already an adult. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Listening to people's advice takes you a long way. I remember when I was 13, my dad advised me to leave my comfort zone and make friends. I did get involved in extra curricular activities and joined the YMCA basketball girl team. However, I was very introvert. I didn't date people and go out at night. I honestly preferred to sew clothes and watch TV. My peers and teachers found me the quietest person they've ever met, and wondered if I could even talk. I sometimes wonder if I disturbed all these people. To phrase it, I was like emotionless human stone. I believed that I can change if I could help it. When I grew up, it didn't get any better. To this day, I'm still the same introvert who struggles with social interaction. I'm sure it's got something to do with my Asperger syndrome. Many people weren't aware of ASD back then. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My Life was OK with family. I spent a good many happy years with my family. When it came to Non-Family, I had a sad beginning. I had very few friends and I never had a relationship with a male. My life was just this empty glass on a social point of view. I was not that person that was together with a bunch of people or hung out in a group. I spent a lot of time doing my own thing, on my own time. I often think that I inherited my mom's reluctance to socialize. If my mom didn't work, she was at home watching TV, garden in the backyard, cooking and reading her book. She's is perfectly Ok with it and enjoys her domestic solitude. She isn't the sad type, so it didn't effect her in any way. 

When I grew up, I had plenty of chances to play and hangout with my peers, but I was introvert and just didn't want to. Rather, I did my own home projects, watched my favourite shows and did whatever. I guess that I was shy that way. But my mom once told me, I simply didn't want to interact with people. 

[Mace Winter]

Hi there! I’m enjoying the beach and take lots of long walks to pass the time. There was a car show in the town this weekend and I really enjoyed looking at att the fancy cars. Otherwise, I just hang around and enjoy the cooler air than in Arizona.

it sounds like you’re going through something emotional difficult right now. It sounds as if you’re feeling lonely. I am so sorry to hear that. You deserve, as we all

do, to to feel happiness and fulfillment more often than feeling down. I wonder what brings on changes in your emotional state? Does it change when something happens or do you just have changes in emotions at random times? 
i usually have a pretty level emotional state, it’s not too up or too down - which can be annoying for others because I think people look for us to have a wider range of emotions than I usually do.

how is the job search going? 

M

[Jessica Ballantyne]

My emotional state changes when something suddenly happens or doesn't go right, the situation is usually random. Other times, I feel like I spend my whole day sitting in an air of silence, where there is nobody is around to communicate with.

I do plenty of self-care. I look at the color green, which relaxes me. I meditate and listen to jazz. I get some exercise and play golf. I go for a walk, get some vitamin C and fresh air. I watch my diet and fluid patterns. I attend to hobbies that put me at ease. 

I am a relatively content person. I'm just misguided. I'm not bipolar, or anything. I'm just a frustrated person who is currently lost in life, and trying to find a better solution for my current situation.

I really need to improve my job hunting skills. I have a nice recruiter whose helping me out. I do have an interview coming up with this week. I tend to squirrel around on the job boards, I really should learn to concentrate. Apparently, my dad can only take so much and can't have me in his house for long. So I have to do something about it, like now. 

In future, I won't blog about the downsides anymore. You are enjoying yourself, good for you. You're a level headed person. You like to have fun traveling and meeting people. I appreciate your concern. I will resolve my conflict all and all. It's just been a bumpy, winding ride these many months. 

Next time I'll blog about way more positive things. LOL. Summer is here, so I think we can all cheer up. 

[Mace Winter]

First of all: please feel encouraged to write about whatever makes you feel better. What is the point of conversation if we can’t feel free to express ourselves? Sometimes we go through tough times and want to vent - other times we have something joyful to share. Being free to speak from the heart may be the only real freedom people have. At least with me, please feel free to be yourself with no judgement or expectations from my end.

I am excited for you to be exploring options for living independently! You’ll keep busy and learn more about yourself than in any other setting. I bet you’re going to be way more successful than you imagine. Will you look at places near family?

M

[Jessica Ballantyne]

The town I live in is Oakville, it's expensive to get a house there and reputable for rich people to live. I could live in a nearby town or even Toronto beaches. 

I want to be successful and independent.