I have a question!!

[Laura N]

My mother had a troubled life. Lots of anxiety, really awful unloving parents. She also had alcohol addiction. She couldn’t hold a job. She isolated herself. Her life was in shambles most her life.

In her journals she left behind (died 20 years ago) she describes maladaptive daydreaming (not in those exact words). She says things like whatever she wants she can dream up and feel. She would write she isn’t satisfied with reality. She became addicted and couldn’t stop. She lost control. She wrote it would happen without her control and when she drank it made it better.

Can anyone tell me…why might alcohol make the experience better?

Also she wrote she used real people for her fantasies and that “people are needed because it gives a mirror effect”. Does anyone know what she might have meant by this? Mirror effect in the fantasies using people?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Alcohol doesn't particularly slow down my dreams. It clashes with my intoxication.  

[Laura N]

This has been very helpful. So the alcohol was suppressive to her first addiction - to fantasy. We always said the alcohol was just self-medication for her but wasn't sure what she was medicated exactly. This makes sense. 

Another question...does anyone know what came first...the disconnect from reality that lead to fantasy or the fantasy life led to disconnect from reality.  

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I had a troubled life as well. I dealt with bullying and was a social outcast. I used MD to escape my struggles with low self-esteem. I had a negative reputation as a teenager, because I didn't speak a word all day. So I got bullied a lot and had no friends. Also, I got teased for the fact I daydreamed. It was so awful that it haunted me for the next 19 years. I should've got over it, let everything go, they were all just little children having fun. But it wasn't just kids—the teachers and parents caught a hold of my awkward behaviour and didn't react well. This went with people I worked with, even customers. I should sought guidances, but didn't bother. I struggled with MD in my teens and adulthood as a coping mechanism. Only it then got me in trouble with people. 

Now I realize it wasn't worth holding onto the past. I wish that I moved on with it, and did better next time. I wish that I didn't care what people thought and was more confident. Now I rarely have a life for myself and live in an embarrassing situation.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I had a troubled life as well. I dealt with bullying and was a social outcast. I used MD to escape my struggles with low self-esteem. I had a negative reputation as a teenager, because I didn't speak a word all day. So I got bullied a lot and had no friends. Also, I got teased for the fact I daydreamed. It was so awful that it haunted me for the next 19 years. I should've got over it, let everything go, they were all just little children having fun. But it wasn't just kids—the teachers and parents caught a hold of my awkward behaviour and didn't react well. This went with people I worked with, even customers. I should sought guidances, but didn't bother. I struggled with MD in my teens and adulthood as a coping mechanism. Only it then got me in trouble with people. 

Now I realize it wasn't worth holding onto the past. I wish that I moved on with it, and did better next time. I wish that I didn't care what people thought and was more confident. Now I rarely have a life for myself and live in an embarrassing situation.

[MedStudent]

Alcohol slows your mind. When you daydream, your mind is racing. So things that trigger the activity in your brain, trigger the day dreaming. For example, pop music, sugar,too much caffeine, these things give you a high. And the things that give you a high make you day dream because that is the natural response of a mdd persons brain. But alcohol, slows your thinking, slows your brain and prevents you from day dreaming too much. It might be toxic coping mechanism. But then again mdd has no cure. It all depends on how well you handle the symptoms which i might have to do all my life. 

I think by mirror effect, your mum meant that she creates alternate situations in her minds. Its like a substitute. Mdd people would generally be introverted, not that they are an introvert by nature, but because they are too busy day dreaming to speak. So when someone says something to upset them, their response will be to dream up a scenario in which they are friends with them or getting their revenge. It is also better to use real people. 

[Camoran]

It is easier to reduce yourself to a state where you are unable to perpetuate a destructive behavior, than to muster the strength to be unwilling. Why does a recovering alcoholic pour the vodka down the drain? Why does a recovering smoker throw the pack away? Why do we put violent criminals in prison? Can't they just stop harming themselves and/or others?

No, they can't, not at first. By the time you recognize you need to turn back, the habits are already ingrained. The addiction is already a part of your being, of your will.
You can't decide to shut out the very forces that control your decisions, so the next best thing is to starve them out by making the addiction impractical. Resistance becomes the more convenient option, and that gives you more wiggle room to begin breaking free.

And then there are addictions like MD, which originate in your mind. Can you pour that down the drain, or throw it in the trash, or lock it in jail? No. At best you can suppress it temporarily, like your mother must have done. It takes immense focus and attention to maintain the depth and complexity of this kind of daydreaming, and enough alcohol makes that kind of creative effort impossible.