MD and love disturbing each other

[Varaa]

I have had an MD lover ever since I started MD. Surprisingly a couple of years back, a guy joined at my workplace who has striking resemblance with my MD lover. But he got into a serious relationship with someone else so I know there, certainly, can be no prospect with him in real life. Now whenever I try to daydream, the MD lover transforms into this real life guy and I have to stop right there because I feel if I'll let these romantic daydreams about this real life person run in my head, it is going to affect my work life severely. Literally for 2 years my MD has vanished(there are other reasons too) but what hurts is that, in this way, I am deprived of love in real life as well as in virtual one.   

[Amanda]

Oh that sucks. I've had a number of dream lovers. There are various reasons I had to abandon a particular one over the years, but never because a tangible person resembled them. In any case, it can be an uncomfortable and painful thing to grieve, and I hope you are able to meet another beautiful lover whether in shared reality or in your own. <3

[Blanca Margatroid]

I'm sorry. I know it's not exactly the same, but I was platonically in love with a guy at my work. What worked for me was not "feeding" that love- not daydreaming about it, changing thoughts when I realized I was thinking about him.

If you don't mind me asking... Do you still have feelings for him in real life? Is the resemblance physical or psychological?

[Varaa]

Mentally, I have made peace with the fact that the love for the real life guy is not meant to be.

The problem I am facing is that now when I try to daydream although the same story that I've been dding for years , it starts feeling  like the MD lover and  the real life guy are the same even though the setting is completely different and it becomes uncomfortable for me to continue the daydream. The MD lover that I created in my head so many years ago is carrying a set of physical and behavioural characteristics and this real life guy who has come now just happens to have up to 80 % of those.

Some years back I fell in love with another person and when it didn't go well, I was able to forget it very easily as I could always shift my focus to the MD lover. But now the solution has itself become the problem.

Blanca Margatroid said:

I'm sorry. I know it's not exactly the same, but I was platonically in love with a guy at my work. What worked for me was not "feeding" that love- not daydreaming about it, changing thoughts when I realized I was thinking about him.

If you don't mind me asking... Do you still have feelings for him in real life? Is the resemblance physical or psychological?

[Theaxe]

Well, nothing can kill a daydream more than real life it seems. I know that when my MD is interrupted by real life I can't seem to ever get it back.

I can't say I can relate to real people so much, but I have had MD lovers who are famous men. My latest one, I fell for back in 2010, and he was single himself. This made everything so much more joyful while I daydreamed. I'd often search him online to find out what films he was doing, or interviews he was giving just to feel like I was keeping up with him. Then one day.. I read that he was married. I hadn't even known he was involved with anyone. It was like a kick in the gut. There he was, standing with this woman (who, by the way, I sized up and immediately decided she was no where near as pretty as me LOL!!!). Anyway, it just sort of killed a lot of things going on in our MD world.

I tend to protect myself against being hurt with real people by keeping those I actually know out of my dreams. This means I do not include my family, my close friends, but I will include people I've met in passing who have a look that I like, or someone who won't really affect me if they marry or even die in real life - because I'm just not that wrapped up in them. 

Celebrities are my weakness. I can include them in my MD world because I don't know them, and nothing they actually do bothers me. EXCEPT those famous men I've placed in my life as a lover. In the past, most were already married so I knew what I was up against. But this last one, marrying suddenly, that took a turn that I didn't like. 

[Varaa]

Thank you for the comforting words. Trouble in loving an imaginary character causing pain- this is something only an MDer can understand. I have abandoned several dream lovers(who were necessary for making a love triangle) other than the main lover who has always been the same for all these years. I really don't have a way to replace this one. My only solace is in that the MD lover is absolutely perfect in every way while the real life one has so many imperfections. 

Amanda said:

Oh that sucks. I've had a number of dream lovers. There are various reasons I had to abandon a particular one over the years, but never because a tangible person resembled them. In any case, it can be an uncomfortable and painful thing to grieve, and I hope you are able to meet another beautiful lover whether in shared reality or in your own. <3

[Amanda]

Oh, wow. I'm impressed that central person has remained the same for so long, and I can imagine that makes it that much more painful to have that relationship disrupted. 

Varaa said:

Thank you for the comforting words. Trouble in loving an imaginary character causing pain- this is something only an MDer can understand. I have abandoned several dream lovers(who were necessary for making a love triangle) other than the main lover who has always been the same for all these years. I really don't have a way to replace this one. My only solace is in that the MD lover is absolutely perfect in every way while the real life one has so many imperfections. 

Amanda said:

Oh that sucks. I've had a number of dream lovers. There are various reasons I had to abandon a particular one over the years, but never because a tangible person resembled them. In any case, it can be an uncomfortable and painful thing to grieve, and I hope you are able to meet another beautiful lover whether in shared reality or in your own. <3

[Valeria Franco]

That's so sad. But maybe you...set free for a real love now?

Now that the imaginary one is gone together with the impossible guy, there is room for real love.

I had very often daydreamed on romantic relationships, (different stories, similar lover), and I had also a real love. I got married and everything. We looked so well together, so alike, so happily in love. Then, I worked on myself and I stopped daydreaming... I was so hungry for real life... and my marriage crashed. I noticed huge problems I never noticed before.

[Amanda]

Oh my god. 

"In the past, most were already married so I knew what I was up against. But this last one, marrying suddenly, that took a turn that I didn't like." 

lmao. one of my truest, deepest fears is that my celebrity lover will get married. lol. I love myself . . . It's the most irrational thing ever because like you, if they are already married when I pick them, it's nothing, but if they were to suddenly get married *exploding brain*. But what difference does it make????? It makes a BIG difference. 

Theaxe said:

Well, nothing can kill a daydream more than real life it seems. I know that when my MD is interrupted by real life I can't seem to ever get it back.

I can't say I can relate to real people so much, but I have had MD lovers who are famous men. My latest one, I fell for back in 2010, and he was single himself. This made everything so much more joyful while I daydreamed. I'd often search him online to find out what films he was doing, or interviews he was giving just to feel like I was keeping up with him. Then one day.. I read that he was married. I hadn't even known he was involved with anyone. It was like a kick in the gut. There he was, standing with this woman (who, by the way, I sized up and immediately decided she was no where near as pretty as me LOL!!!). Anyway, it just sort of killed a lot of things going on in our MD world.

I tend to protect myself against being hurt with real people by keeping those I actually know out of my dreams. This means I do not include my family, my close friends, but I will include people I've met in passing who have a look that I like, or someone who won't really affect me if they marry or even die in real life - because I'm just not that wrapped up in them. 

Celebrities are my weakness. I can include them in my MD world because I don't know them, and nothing they actually do bothers me. EXCEPT those famous men I've placed in my life as a lover. In the past, most were already married so I knew what I was up against. But this last one, marrying suddenly, that took a turn that I didn't like.