Hard to Believe

[Silver Swan]

It is hard to believe that MDD seemed like a beautiful thing when I was a kid. Of course, I was carefree with no responsibilities. The real world was over my head. My trigger started with a science fiction documentary and a Star Trek TV show, when I was 12 years old. I've been weaving daydreams in my head ever since. Thing was my parents didn't hear a squat about my growing imagination. So they didn't know to give me any professional therapy. Behind their backs, I've lived in alternate worlds while going to high school and I struggled to study, often getting bare passes, because I was so distracted.

When I turned 18 and attended College to study art. It was a fairy tale at first. I wanted to be a full-fledged artist and have my own studio. Regardless, this didn't work out. After completing my first year, my dad talked me out of studying art, because he feared I'd wind up working at McDonalds. So I decided to switch my major to Graphic Design. A professor verbally warned me that I wasn't driven to be a successful designer, but I went for the plunge anyway. I earned my degree and tried so hard to pursue jobs in firms and companies in the city. Eventually, I bombed in this field, and I was told. So I took on a job as an advertising display artist.

I couldn't manage to afford a rental apartment, so I stayed living at home into my 30's. Then my health started getting to me. I realized if I hadn't started the silly daydreams, I would've had a better life and a better shape of mind. Daydreaming makes you glow with happiness at first, but then it becomes draining on your health, and sucks any happiness and pleasure out of your real life.

[Celeste]

I know how you feel
Especially when you look your life back and see that what basically you were doing was loosing your time being unproductive and loosing so many opportunities to teach yourself how to be better. Drained by a an addiction. Feeling you can’t walk you are unable to do anything but dream as is the only way of “doing” something.

It’s sad
Very sad
Extremely fuckin sad

So there is only one thing that you can do. When you can realize that and you are not stuck in your story and in your nirvana
Act NOW
Change what you want now
You live in present. You can’t change the past so stop being sad about it but being aware of what you can change now !
I know it is not easy. For me the most challenging thing is not START doing actually something but MAINTAIN it. How to keep going..