Maladaptive Daydreaming Gone But Now I'm suicidal, How Can I enjoy Life Now?

[Tinkerbell]

Like many of us I used my MD to live a more full filling life. Even if it was all pretend and in  my head. In the real word I tried modelling, It didn't go exactly as I planned as I didn't always get paid but I tried it.

I travelled to various places and recorded music demos but ended up having my work stolen.

I even joined a writing group group where I had my work digitally recorded and presented to the city council but still, after that. Nothing else became of that. 

In all of my MD I was successful at something, happy. I didn't feel like a failure. But I knew that living life having MD is not living at all. So I got rid of it and along with getting rid of it I realized all of my failures. Getting rid of MD I realised that all of my friends were fake. They used me  financially, or to become Socially acquainted with others. Until a time when they no longer needed me. Now I realise how many people I have surrounded myself with who have used me some way or another, and i realise all of my many failures. Now I think feel like my life is pointless, like I have nothing left to offer. What is the point in living such a meaningless life? At least with MD I pretended I was worth something. 

[Loverboy]

I understand it can be complicated trying to find purpose after losing something you depended on so heavily. personally, the thought of not having Madd anymore sounds like losing a part of myself. But there is purpose and meaning to life, I mean if there wasn't why would so many people still be here living life to the fullest. and heck I know this sounds cliche but you don't really fail until you stop trying. if its something you want, something you really want I'd say go at it until the world ends. and try to find a better support system. your friends before used you, and maybe that makes them not so good people. but trust me when there are 7 billion people in the world, you definitely have a chance of meeting other people you love and care for, who will do the same for you. I spent such a long time being lonely and now that I'm not anymore I really realize how worth it the wait was, cause there is nothing better than platonic love and just having people you enjoy being around and that make you truly happy. life is ephemeral, and you gotta spend the little chance we all get at existence doing something that matters, no matter how small, or even if it's just for ourselves. if you stop now, you'll never get to see when things got better and I want that for you. good luck - loverboy

[Silver Swan]

I feel exactly the same as you. My life does feel pointless and meaningless right now. I realized I could've lived a more fulfilling life if I hadn't daydreamed at all. I actually believed in my MDD to an extent I believed anything was possible if I wanted things so bad. Apparently, I waited until I sadly learned that I was supposed to make sure these things actually happened by working hard and planning ahead—staying awake and alive in the process. My heart sank when I realized that my youthful years got washed over for excessive daydreams. So, I still have a clean slate ahead in my future to sort out, now that I no longer daydream.

[Tammy O.]

I can relate. I havent been able to quit MDD because I get suicidal when I have to face reality. I feel like quitting. It just seems like there is no point so I go back to MDD and have a temporary bliss. I avoided reality for so long because its just too painful. I have friends but none of the relationships I have are relationships that I am very content with. Its a double edge sword. One gives temporary happiness, the other temporary pain, none seem to quench the innate desire to just be okay. Have faith, it will get easier even if it doesn't feel like it. Im trying each and every day so keep the faith.

[Silver Swan]

Yeah, I see what you mean. I hated my reality for many years. MDD was the only way to make things feel better. I am gradually conforming with real life, but still, I will sink back into daydreams.

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you for replying. I'll try.

Loverboy said:

I understand it can be complicated trying to find purpose after losing something you depended on so heavily. personally, the thought of not having Madd anymore sounds like losing a part of myself. But there is purpose and meaning to life, I mean if there wasn't why would so many people still be here living life to the fullest. and heck I know this sounds cliche but you don't really fail until you stop trying. if its something you want, something you really want I'd say go at it until the world ends. and try to find a better support system. your friends before used you, and maybe that makes them not so good people. but trust me when there are 7 billion people in the world, you definitely have a chance of meeting other people you love and care for, who will do the same for you. I spent such a long time being lonely and now that I'm not anymore I really realize how worth it the wait was, cause there is nothing better than platonic love and just having people you enjoy being around and that make you truly happy. life is ephemeral, and you gotta spend the little chance we all get at existence doing something that matters, no matter how small, or even if it's just for ourselves. if you stop now, you'll never get to see when things got better and I want that for you. good luck - loverboy

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you for replying.

Silver Swan said:

I feel exactly the same as you. My life does feel pointless and meaningless right now. I realized I could've lived a more fulfilling life if I hadn't daydreamed at all. I actually believed in my MDD to an extent I believed anything was possible if I wanted things so bad. Apparently, I waited until I sadly learned that I was supposed to make sure these things actually happened by working hard and planning ahead—staying awake and alive in the process. My heart sank when I realized that my youthful years got washed over for excessive daydreams. So, I still have a clean slate ahead in my future to sort out, now that I no longer daydream.

[Tinkerbell]

Thank you for replying. I'll try.

Tammy O. said:

I can relate. I havent been able to quit MDD because I get suicidal when I have to face reality. I feel like quitting. It just seems like there is no point so I go back to MDD and have a temporary bliss. I avoided reality for so long because its just too painful. I have friends but none of the relationships I have are relationships that I am very content with. Its a double edge sword. One gives temporary happiness, the other temporary pain, none seem to quench the innate desire to just be okay. Have faith, it will get easier even if it doesn't feel like it. Im trying each and every day so keep the faith.