Has MDD Drawn You Away from Others?

[Silver Swan]

When I was so much younger, I used to believe my MDD helped guide me to pursue a life fulfilled with relationships and achievements. If I wanted something that much, I would muster it from within my MDD, and think it will become a live success at some extent. What I seemed to forget, is that I wasn't living in the real world. I learned late in the game that you don't become successful by dreaming about it. 

When I became an adult, I realized I could've been much better off if I never did MDD to begin with. To make matters worse, many people have easily caught me not appearing to be there. I have ASD, so my erratic body language easily emoted whatever went on in my head. Often at times, I was so embarrassed being caught each time, I felt like running and hiding somewhere. Even if I forgot an essential belonging, my mom would find out and really overreact.

I even tried starting a relationship with someone, but that person noticed my behavior was weird and wondered if I was OK when he saw me stare into space. We only chummed for two hours, but didn't hear from each other ever since. He didn't even bother to ring me up.

I just get so frustrated and wondered what the heck I was thinking when I started MDD as a preteen. Did I actually think it would turn out fine and not affect everything?

[Filly]

So sorry but you are young and its not too late.
You could find someone you trust tell them the truth and see if they want you mdd and call.

I love my mdd man and let him jibber jabber when he wants to. He says he cant coontrol it except when exercising
He is a super cool guy

[Silver Swan]

Thank you for your warm and perceptive response. I'm sure I'll find someone whose open to this.

[dark thoughts]

Take it from someone who has been there, done that, when it comes to trying to pretend to be normal in pursuit of a relationship. It isn't worth it. I sometimes wish I could do the last 30 years over- no family, no friends to worry about pretending in front of. Just slog along at a job for 8 hours a day, then spend my spare time dayd reaming and being happy, without all the hassles of anybody else.

[Silver Swan]

Daydreaming made me happy for past 3 decades, that is, until my family found out and they weren't happy about it themselves. They are perfectly normal people that prefer to stay on earth and get into world events. I was so afraid that being caught doing MDD will ruin everything I've been waiting for in life, so my daydreaming began to dwindle more and more. Now I am faced with a very unsatisfying reality. So if daydreaming is all you enjoy doing to stay happy, by all means, I really respect that.