Does anyone else use MDD to fulfill a need you are desiring?

[Finrod Felagund]

What I have noticed about myself is that my daydreams will try to comfort or supplant the need I’m desiring in my life at that moment. Right now I’m going through another rough spot in my marriage. So my need now is to feel loved and feel some passion. So now my daydreams consist of an alternate better version of me with an alternate better version of my wife. When I state alternate versions, I mean completely different (especially the version of my wife). I feel guilty at times because my real spouse won’t ever add up to this imaginary version. It isn’t fair, but what do you do to comfort yourself. 

[Silver Swan]

I'm single, but I've experienced rough spots with just about everybody. I was socially challenged, so people looked down at me as if I was 'just not it' for them. They didn't like the way I appeared and behaved around them, so they got very uncomfortable around me. With that, they often acted very spiteful and condescending towards me. They also noticed that I seemed all alone with no friends, so they teased me about it so many times. So I invented alternate versions of anybody I've ever met! I'd make up fantasies about chumming with them very well and effectively. Their alternative versions never looked and sounded exactly like the real person I knew. Whenever I brought up a conversation with them in real life, just like with their alternate avatar in my fantasy, they really looked at me as if I sounded so very weird and didn't make much sense — then go off talking to other people they find settling to be with.

Even with my own family, I wish they would just listen to me. I not very good at communicating my thoughts and feelings with them, and I'm so afraid how they'll take it. My sibling is very insensitive. My mom is more interested in politics than her own daughters. I try to share a few sentences and my mom can't always hear a damn thing I'm saying — even has to come close into my face, with her ears on my lips. So, I do create fantasies where my family is so much nicer and will listen to anything I say, and how I see the world with my own eyes.

[Finrod Felagund]

Thank you for the reply. I'm not a very good communicator as well, at least to those I'm really close to. I just find that I don't have the right words to convey my thoughts. In truth, I really don't want to. Even though I have to fake a more bubbly persona at work, I am such an introvert. I find so much more comfort in my head than I do outside it. Sometimes I feel like I'm living a double life. Because of it, the guilt I feel tends to lead to depression. I'm pretty good at hiding it, although my wife did ask if something was amiss. So I'm assuming she's feeling the disassociation. Even writing in these forums makes me feel sneaky. Although, I've come to the understanding finally that I'm not the only one out there experiencing this. I hate having such an unbreakable emotional connection with my DD. They used to not be this strong. In fact, even as much as 4-6 months ago I would have considered myself an Immersive Daydreamer rather than a Maladaptive one. I was able to control them more. Now, since I let it go beyond my normal boundary, I'm finding it impossibly hard to stop. It would almost feel like breaking up with the most awesome, wonderful person you have ever met, even though that this person isn't even tangible. Hence, living a double life and the guilt I feel from it. 

[Silver Swan]

I did feel the guilt too — as if I did something very repulsive.

[Summer]

Definitely... that's my go to thing.

[Dr Pepper]

I do this a lot, make up these perfect relationships because the one i am in is going through a rough stage. but it can be anything really, work, friends etc.  I think you're right its like you are comforting yourself but it's not realistic all this perfection.  

[Silver Swan]

MDD is a comfort when you need it, especially if you just can't stand how life is treating you.

[Stasia OBrien]

I think this is the exactly why we MDD. Because we have a need that cannot be filled in reality. 

[Silver Swan]

We can make the most of reality if we can.

[dark thoughts]

The majority of my daydreams fulfill a need- whether it is to be loved, valued, be more successful. I think creating a daydream to fulfill those needs is much better than being unhappy, or engaging in ultimately self destructive acts to try and fill them.

[Stasia OBrien]

Except (in my experience) you are just ignoring your unhappiness and it will catch up to you b/c sooner or later, your imaginary world isn't going to enough - you will want that fulfillment in your real life but you will realize that the things that made you happy in your MDDs are not attainable in your real life - b/c we build up our MDDs - and that will make you even more unhappy. I have come to understand that it is a coping mechanism but it is also an escape - like drinking, drugs, etc. and I wasted years living inside my head instead of really living. 

dark thoughts said:

The majority of my daydreams fulfill a need- whether it is to be loved, valued, be more successful. I think creating a daydream to fulfill those needs is much better than being unhappy, or engaging in ultimately self destructive acts to try and fill them.

[Silver Swan]

Same with me and I deeply regret it, there's no going back.