why?

[Heloísa]

I always wonder why I have it, it's a blessing and a curse, living in my world that I've created is the only thing that keeps me alive, but waking up and realizing that your real life is a shit is horrible, I do not want to live in this real life

[Silver Swan]

To tell you the truth. I am in the exact same situation as you. Today I was taking a walk in the park, and I wondered why my life looked so bad and my wishes did not come true. Secret is, you can't live in your own world, because your real life is eventually going to look so unflattering. You just can't daydream to have it so much better, but you can take influence from your daydreams to get what you want from life in future.

I don't mean to sound rash. I did what you have for 20 years, and it didn't make a world of difference in my real waking life. I recently woke up from my MDD and I felt so hurt about it. I also don't want to live in my real life, but I could have made it look so much better, if I hadn't done MDD.

So basically, it's a choice you have to make. Basically, if you can't leave your dream world, this is what you'll have for years, as long as you enjoy doing it. If you do want to make your real life look sweeter in future, then you could put all your dreamy concepts on paper, but don't entirely throw yourself back into 'wonderland', if you know what I mean.