Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
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I recently recovered from my MDD, though naturally. I have to say, I'm a walking dummy right now. I grew up for years in a fantasy world, rather than learning all about myself and getting to know people. As an adolescent, daydreaming rocked my world and got my creative juices flowing. I should have made myself wary that none of this is real.
My family doctor knows nothing about my maladaptive daydreaming. I'm afraid if I told her, she'll be stunned and wonder if I'm bonkers. Though, no doctors should react that way under any circumstances. She'd probably refer me to a special therapist who deals with people who day dream. Frankly, I'm not currently taking any meds that would suppress me in any way.
Still, it sucks when you wake up from years of MDD. You feel as if your soul is sucked dry in the realistic world, you've lost all connection with everybody and you have to start life again from scratch. I freaked out so much, part of me wished I never abandoned MDD, but still, I had no choice. I realized the only way to grow up and adapt into the world properly is not doing it at all. My mom always criticizes me that I could have had it better if I hadn't been such a space cadet.
It was just my time to recover from MDD. It first started with feelings of panic, remorse, shock and regret. I actually felt rather eerie that I spent years just fantasizing away, rather than living a real life. In fact, MDD actually took my life. It took away my chance to have steady relationships, a good education and successful career. In a way, I feel 'barking mad' for not seeing this when I was so much younger. To be honest, I feel so scared about it, because it nearly jacked up everything, even my mental health.
You have to realize, that MDD is NOT real. When you wake up from it, your going to feel anxious and even depressed at your reality. You neglected your real life for the pleasure of daydreams. If you want to succeed, you DO have to be with it, awake and aware of your surroundings. Having a good life remarkably involves a lot of hard work and dedication. You really DO have to pay attention. So I do warn you, daydreaming may seem OK while your still young and not aging, but it will catch onto you in a very freaky way.
I honestly feel it was a big mistake to ever start MDD, but I was a 12-year old kid and I didn't know any better about the harmful consequences it has on your future. So bear in mind, when you start recovering from MDD, your going to feel the chills.
I've never been to a therapist. I would die of embarrassment if anybody knew what I dream about. I managed to convince my famiky doctor I was slightly depressed with OCD and wrangle a zoloft prescription. I played around with the dosage a bit, and discovered 50 mg keeps me from getting completely lost in the dream, yet doesn't suck it completely away. I like my day dreams- they're like an old comforting friend.
My situation is kind of a humility. I live, sleep and work in a bedroom I've kept for 26 years. I have only one best friend who I rarely see, because she is so busy. Nobody knows that I'm 'alive', as I hide out at most times.
I live with my birth family and I'm single. Actually, my family is all I see for now.
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