Just curious

[David Burkett]

How often are therapists dismissing this as just a simple case of ADD or social anxiety and cashing in by putting people on meds for it? The meds probably drain our fantasies and drain our spirit and we feel like zombies

[Silver Swan]

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[David Burkett]

Do you pace when listening to music? Is there a certain repeated body movement involved?

[Silver Swan]

I used to pace and leap around to music as a kid, when I was actively using a Walkman, then an iPod. Only today, I gyrate in my chair when listening to online videos. Older you get, the more ridiculous your actions from the past seem to be. I don't toy around like I used to, because I'm trying to be more responsible in life. I have a picky 28-year old sister who bitterly complains about the noises I make in my bedroom. Sometimes I think she's an old soul. She acts far more mature than her age states. Someday, I will just move out and forget all these jerks. I'll get to be me again.

[David Burkett]

Do you have a secret obsession about a person that you envy wether it be a fictional or nonfictional character?

[Silver Swan]

They are usually actors, and they change every couple months or so. Usually its their characters I'm drawn to when watching on the screen. I honestly don't know who they are in real life, so why envy.

[David Burkett]

How often do you visualize these actors in your subconscious mind as you go through your daily routines? If I were to have a hidden camera on you at all times, describe what behaviour I would see when you are around groups of people and what I would see when you are alone in complete privacy. For me, I just stand there and show no sign of life around groups of people, especially group discussions. I notice I am the only one not saying a word. Any chance I get when there is complete privacy, I pace, gesture, laugh, make facial expressions. Music is the biggest trigger. Sometimes if I am watching favorite movie I get up out of the chair and start pacing and miss the movie

[Briona]

So true Silver Swan, so true. I feel like it robbed me of so much of life too, and now that I have to pay attention more than ever, it's sooo hard. I always want to run or hide from reality, and it's compulsive.

Silver Swan said:

It was just my time to recover from MDD. It first started with feelings of panic, remorse, shock and regret. I actually felt rather eerie that I spent years just fantasizing away, rather than living a real life. In fact, MDD actually took my life. It took away my chance to have steady relationships, a good education and successful career. In a way, I feel 'barking mad' for not seeing this when I was so much younger. To be honest, I feel so scared about it, because it nearly jacked up everything, even my mental health.

You have to realize, that MDD is NOT real. When you wake up from it, your going to feel anxious and even depressed at your reality. You neglected your real life for the pleasure of daydreams. If you want to succeed, you DO have to be with it, awake and aware of your surroundings. Having a good life remarkably involves a lot of hard work and dedication. You really DO have to pay attention. So I do warn you, daydreaming may seem OK while your still young and not aging, but it will catch onto you in a very freaky way.

I honestly feel it was a big mistake to ever start MDD, but I was a 12-year old kid and I didn't know any better about the harmful consequences it has on your future. So bear in mind, when you start recovering from MDD, your going to feel the chills.

[Silver Swan]

I will find myself with their characters in a movie they were in. Surprisingly, a majority of them are males, since I have a crush on them. We joke around and pull each others legs. I will say say or do certain things that will make them laugh. Sometimes, we'll play rough with each other for fun. I will even show my true colors to them. We will get intimate or just be friends. I will even explain my life circumstances to them. They are very open and accepting to what I have to say. Whereas, real people will likely look at me as if I'm being a dumbass, or shrug at it as silly fickle stuff, and then commence. My mother is hard to get through...but she just finds my behavior so unsettling...especially when I laugh for nothing and talk to myself.

In real life nobody knows what I go through in life and too busy chatting up a storm to listen and take me seriously. I don't talk that much in reality, so I'm very invisible. I will enter a room with any kind of group and they'll just talk on and act like I'm not really there. I'll say "Hello," and not much else. At one time, I was in a bad mood, so a girl gaped at me with concern and said "Oh my god! Are you okay! Smile! You look so sad!" As she couldn't have possibly have known or felt what my life is like.

David Burkett said:

How often do you visualize these actors in your subconscious mind as you go through your daily routines? If I were to have a hidden camera on you at all times, describe what behavior I would see when you are around groups of people and what I would see when you are alone in complete privacy. For me, I just stand there and show no sign of life around groups of people, especially group discussions. I notice I am the only one not saying a word. Any chance I get when there is complete privacy, I pace, gesture, laugh, make facial expressions. Music is the biggest trigger. Sometimes if I am watching favorite movie I get up out of the chair and start pacing and miss the movie