Does anyone else feel like this about real life?

[Truthful Alibi]

OK, so I can't feel emotions that well because of MD.

Does anyone else feel like emotions are a knife someone's sticking in you, but a blunt knife? I can't feel my emotions properly, like one time in a test I scored 97/100, top of the class (sorry if I sound show-offy, I'm using this as and example) but I didn't feel as pleased as I think I should of, and it makes me feel guilty. Anyone else not feel emotions as much as they think they should?

[Bibby]

I am definitely out of whack in the emotions I feel or do not feel.  I'm often afraid to feel good emotions because I don't know what bad is going to come along to spoil it.  I also have delayed emotional response.  There is an up side to delayed response in emergency or stressful situations which allow a person to respond instead of panic but that is not a daily positive benefit.

 

I've been so minimized by family that I'm terrified of sharing my feelings with them.  These intellectual nut cases called family are so caught up in their views that they don't even stop and see me as a human with feelings.

[The Altruist]

I'm not sure if it is because of the MD, but I've got so little emotion, but I think it could be attributed to my childhood rather then MD, but not really sure.

[Vendetta_Crazzed]

yup. i feel the wrong ones at the wrong times 0,0...

[Heinriech Heisner]

That's interesting you brought this up. It seems to me that I had more emotions when I was younger, but they were still less than most peoples. I've always had more of a logical base. When my parents told us they were getting a divorce, I was like, "Huh, interesting" and when my grandmother died I had to force myself to cry because I thought it was so unusual not to. Many times I could only feel such emotion through my daydreams and perhaps that is why I engaged in some of the ones that I did, but when I finally took control of my MD, the rest of my emotions evaporated away. I'm kind of like a Vulcan (StarTrek) now. On the other hand, my sister claims that she daydreams, but she's overly ridden with emotions.

[Romeofro]

Yeahh. I'm right there with you. I have a hard time feeling emotions. I think it's kind of like what the Altruist said about its probably being due to my childhood. Like, I have empathy, and i feel bad when bad things happen to others, but i dont feel that much. Ex. I had a friend that used to be a friend of my family's and i knew her for 13 years, and she was ill and passed away in the hospital. Her daughter is my best friend, and her daughter and our friends were all at the hospital in the room when she passed. We stayed there for hours before she passed and everyone was crying. Even our friends that didn't ever really have any type of relationship with her. I felt bad that she was going to pass, and that my friend was loosing her mother, but i didn't really feel anything like a deep sadness, or sense of loss at all. And after i saw everyone else crying for awhile i just started to go numb. But yeahh, i felt guilty about not feeling that much at all about the whole situation. I mean, i did feel bad about the whole situation, but i just didnt feel all that much of anything.

 

[Truthful Alibi]

Also does anyone else feel like it might be because in our DDs we're used to having control over what happens so it's hard for us to feel emotions we don't want to?

It's not fair - if someone had picked how much I could feel each emotion, they would have barely bothered with anyone but guilt. Lots and lots of guilt - that's one emotion I can feel OK. Well, not OK, because it's too much!

[Julie]

 "I am a rock, I am an island. And the rock feels no pain. And the island never cries". Or "The man machine, pseudo human being, super human being". This would be about me. I thought, I'm a poor Aspie, unable to recognize and express emotions. I thought, this could be because of day-dreaming as all my emotions went there. And I felt terribly guily because of zero empathy. Then it stopped. I'm not worse than the others. The fact I can't cry just because your (stupid) boyfriend left you or because you were fired (because of being lazy) doesn't mean I have zero empathy. I'm just different. I'm not trying to act the emotions as I respect others too much to act. There is a more important things than emotions - it's being fair. And really, I couldn't care less what the others think - I'm not a politician, so I don't try to please everyone.

Trying to make it clear to my friends and, surprisingly they understand, what the below words mean:

I can put myself in your shoes. If I can't, I have vivid enough imagination to try so. I can drive through the city at night and pick you up drunk from the party. I can do some of your job, if you're sick, stressed or tired. I can offer a loan. I can sit with you and analyze the reasons for failure. I will be fair. I will be non-biased. I believe that almost any mistake can be forgiven for the first time but almost no mistake can be forgiven for the second time.  I won't cry with you. I won't say it's not your fault if it's yours (and you know this, so why do you ask?). I won't say you did a good job if you didn't (and you know this, so why do you ask?). And I don't expect you to do these things to me. I'm not saying that crying, acting and lyiing for good reason is wrong, but find someone else.

[Angel]

For me its more a feeling of numbness than a general lack of emotion.  I'm a survivor of child abuse.  In our house if you did any thing that was perceived as wrong punishments were severe.  They were worse if you protested or showed any kind of emotion.  I learned to go numb, physically and emotionally.  When you do that you begin to forget how to feel and express emotion.  I day dreamed continuously as a way to escape.  Eventually, Mom (who was also a victim) got my brother and me out of that situation.  My goal then was to learn how to feel again and how not to shut down.  Its taken many years, but I'm doing alright.  Except when I binge on day dreaming.  Too much day dreaming is emotionally and mentally exhausting, there is nothing left for anyone else.  My goal now is balance day dreaming.  If I repeat that many times perhaps it will work!

[laurellestarz]

Its the same way for me. When I got my green card I was like "well, that's good..."

Anyone else would have cried tears of joy or squeal in delight.

 

I'm not very emotional and in the end I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

I'm not sure if AS caused the MD or the other way around.

 

Lets face it, most of us who live inside our heads won't develop great communication skills and MD is all about living within one's self. Don't beat yourself up about it too much.

 

[Delorean Jones]

Visualisation helps. Like, I imagine the static, cloudy foggy feelings as a sort of costume I can separate myself from at least temporarily, look at and analyze, then attack properly.

 

[Heinriech Heisner]

My daydreaming use to be mentally and emotionally exhausting - would tire me out, but now I have even gone numb in that area. Now I view everything logically (when I am not being mentally lazy) and time is different somehow. After experiencing my depression in college, I recognize that all events will pass eventually and I can take hard times more easily now. Everything is just drops in a bucket. After all that though, I began noticing the emotions of others, especially of those who I thought had control of them. I am amazed at how easily some people let their emotions, like fear and anger, control them. I always thought my brother was really rational, but then I saw the bursts surge through him, irrationally. They are just little every day occurances that I would not have noticed before. I no longer understand why people let other people's opinions get to them. Everyone has their own thoughts about everything. Is what some random stranger or even a colleague says, that important to upset you and cause you to create an emotionally charged argument? I find myself just taking things as they are and asking more questions to get a broader sense of where this person is coming from. I find emotions can be distractors of the simplest things.

 

But I do have a lazy mind. Lately I have been noticing that where I use to let my mind wander, I think of nothing now. To get over my daydreaming, I practiced for over a half of a year going to this clearing in my mind and now I find myself just resting in that spot, sometimes just focusing on my breathing. I guess that's what meditation is. It is strange to think that no thought is what is replacing my daydreams - as it's a complete opposite for the mind. Very peaceful though. I also use the clear spot to refocus my mind when I am distracted. I have found that I can sort of change my personality, but it takes a lot of focus to get there. Normally I am quiet and somewhat shy, but I can get to this place where I feel like I own the world and can do anything I want (not like a dream, I do not feel invincible) socially - I just drop everything that normally inhibits me and I am free, I am the man! But like I said, my mind is lazy and I don't stay there for more than a few days. I guess practicing it more might make it more regular. Hm, I did not think I was going to write this much in this post - but perhaps this information might aid someone else that is trying to reorganize the connections in their brains.

Angel said:

For me its more a feeling of numbness than a general lack of emotion.  I'm a survivor of child abuse.  In our house if you did any thing that was perceived as wrong punishments were severe.  They were worse if you protested or showed any kind of emotion.  I learned to go numb, physically and emotionally.  When you do that you begin to forget how to feel and express emotion.  I day dreamed continuously as a way to escape.  Eventually, Mom (who was also a victim) got my brother and me out of that situation.  My goal then was to learn how to feel again and how not to shut down.  Its taken many years, but I'm doing alright.  Except when I binge on day dreaming.  Too much day dreaming is emotionally and mentally exhausting, there is nothing left for anyone else.  My goal now is balance day dreaming.  If I repeat that many times perhaps it will work!

[greyartist]

This very interesting that MDers have similar coldness issues. I have always considered myself a "broken soul" because I didn't seem to feel things like other people. The strange thing is that I'm much more emotional IN the daydreams. I guess it's the me I wish I could be.