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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
They can only see is how crazy I appear on the outside
It breaks me up that I can't get anybody to know how I feel. I wish that anybody, even my mother, can see how effected I am, but I can't. I haven't spoken to people in a very long time! All they can see is how crazy I appear on the outside! They keep on noticing that I tend to stare up at the ceiling, gape my mouth and smile at something right up there. Or maybe I'll think of something deep and stare at the floor, then a grin will form on my face, a by-passer will go by, see me and feel absolutely terrified. I wonder why I never made any long lasting friends and relationships.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by ratfish on
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I'm very awkward in public. I have terrible anxiety and I have a problem with eye contact. So, I look up at the ceiling or sky , or the side anyway when I talk to people.
Other times like you , I do that thing where Ill stare, and then grin , I'll laugh sometimes too. . It's embarrassing. I have a thing about people, it's like I can't live with them and I can't live without them.
I get lonely , I feel like maybe life just isn't for me. Especially recently .I wish I was normal. People really don't understand how hard it is for some of us.
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It's very hard. I woke up this morning. I thought to myself, "This is disgusting. Does this look like a happy life to you? Your not enjoying your life and spending it with people. This has got to stop. It isn't right. You should be happy and having a good time like normal people do. So, what if your not perfect or socially typical." I think in future, I'm putting my foot down and fighting for something that I wanted and deserved for years. It just makes me sick that normal people can easily enjoy and get things in life that I just can't. I know that being different, unusual and gifted is controversial in this kind of a world. I believe we have just as many rights as anybody else.
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Art shows and venues, the beaches, bike trails, cinemas, shopping malls, in the park music concerts and performances, family community events, drop in sports, bar restaurants ect. I rarely go to night clubs and lounges, because I had no luck with that. Anyway, I try all sorts of things out there. I still plan to determine when a barbecue or party is happening near my local area.
I do have autism spectrum disorder, which is why I'm socially having such a tough time. I can't guarantee I'll attract very many neurotypicals.
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I have a few people that I've known since I was a teen and early 20's . I'm 31 so that's long enough. I'm comfortable with them. When I need human contact I can call one of them.
Is there anyone you can call to spend time with? Maybe go on an outing? How are you around people? Anxiety?
I've been around the US , I traveled a lot , hitch hiked , went to festivals and gatherings. I self medicated back then so it was a little easier but I was never able to connect with people, couldn't make any real friends. But I know there's a wide variety of people out there.
Perhaps you are just knocking on the wrong doors?
Have been on the Reddit forums? There's more people there I think
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I'm not that anxious. I used to travel about with my family, but I stopped for other things. I do have a girlfriend who lives nearby, but she's always busy. Reddit forums? No, I haven't tried that.
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It's just, I don't really know what crowd I fit in. People that I attract for real, their usually dorks, dweebs, gifted people and solo people. Surprising, they sometimes turn out to be weird altogether. I have one friend who is pretty hot, and has no trouble finding people. She's just very nice, sweet and open to me.
I'm one of those odd, unique and special people that is gifted in areas, who doesn't blend in with the 'normal' average crowds. I always found it extremely hard to develop a strong relationship with others.
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