Im new here:) a little a bout me...

[lamira]

Hi

I am new here :). In fact I just became aware of 'maladaptive daydreaming' and honestly, Im really happy to find a group about this. I always searched for anything that might explain why I daydream a lot, why I am so not practical in daily life and absent-minded. Also, why I compulsively retire into some fantasy, and  living through those fantasies so much that I fear, that I am missing  out on opportunities, on life...

 

 I'm also afraid that the more time passes, the more we get used to this way of being. For example I recently realized how the functionnal daily things I have to do are complicated for me, while no one seems to struggle as much. Maybe I complicate things i dontknow.

 

This has started at 11 yrs old I think. I liked listenning to music and very often in my room or IN PRIVATE because I certainly didnt want anyone to see me, as it's not really dancing but moving around in a way that I myself am not aware of. Im just too deep into my fantasy clip or scenarios. It feels self-absorbed to admit this but my scenarios have always me as a sublime character and especially beautiful  (because most of these fantasies are 90% driven by love). Whoever the love interest is, he is always watching the projections of my mind as a real clip on screen, I would imagine the clip would eventually and naturally leak out to end up there, in front of him, I know how silly and perhaps immature it all sounds, but there it is. I always know it is fantasy nor real. I also love writing. In school, I was always the clumsy absent-minded girl at. I would bring the wrong material for class and forget things all the time, in a way those things have made me funny apparently and some people find that 'so cueeet'. But at 31 it's not so cute anymore and I panic because I feel I am not accomplishing anything in my life, like social relationships,having a family or a steady career.

 

I have ADD (and take ritalin for it)since I just resumed studying, but my doctor suspects I have a bit of Bipolar too. Maybe I have none of those I dont know. All I know is that more and more I am seeking to understand myself. Maybe I am still searching for my real identity, I just wonder why I am the way I am, how can I teach myself to be more PRACTICAL less conceptual. I am not a kid anymore, now I have bills to pay, I have to be ALERT. I need to better manage my life so that I dont wake up 20 years from now and think 'what have I done in my life?". Because the truth is I can stay this way because I love it.  I can stay in every night and be satisfied living in my dreams. I even PREFER to be alone most of the time rather than interract with others. I still want to daydream, or else I would be so depressed. But I also want to be more productive, efficient, practical, conscious of things around me, outgoing with people and consistent and methodological throughout my studies and carreer.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read, I would really love to have some feedback and hear your stories. I think we could all maybe help eachother by sharing our views or fears, hopes, experiences.:)

[Oxalis Wood]

Hi Lamira,

I identify with so much of what you say. I was so happy to find this site too - and amazed, after having wondered what it is and why for most of my life. I've asked so many people, including my doctor and no one had anything to say on it - either they didn't know what i was talking about, or just thought it didn't matter.

I too have trouble concentrating on everyday tasks - but that isn't surprising when there's a whole other life going on inside our heads. My daydreams are much more career orientated - it's always been important to me to contribute in my field and i'm really dissapointed with my lack of progress. Lately i've tried to curb my daydreaming my reminding myself about some of the people i admire - people who work steadily at their aims. I tell myself that i need to be someone who works hard for a long term reward rather than someone who gets a cheap hit through a daydream. A bit harsh may be, but it works sometimes.

Thanks for sharing your experiences - I think everybody (including non MD people) have thoughts that seem immature if you really get them out and look at them, so don't feel bad about that.

[Libby]

Hi Lamira
I have also been diagnosed with ADD. I gave up my ritalin. It's helps me in so many ways, but it makes my creative juices flow like Niagr Falls and it's too much to bear. I know that sounds crazy, but it's somehow true.
Also, I have some noise sensitivity issues and ritalin exemplifies this issue to the nth degree. I could go back for different meds, but i don't even think i have ADD to be honest. I have MD, but my doctor just doesn't know what it is or how to help me. I'm thinking ADD is some kind of default diagnosis.

I know you feel silly and immature sharing your story, but I certainly don't think you are. I can relate, so thanks for sharing. I have somehow managed to get the family and the career in spite of it, so it is possible. I feel satisfied with my life and still can't stop the daydreams, so i don't buy that it's escapists behavior. I have an active fantasy life that I'm either fully engaged in (when alone) or maintaining alongside my reality when I'm not alone. I don't seem to have control over it no more than I have control over my lungs breathing. I don't have that sense of urgency that you seem to convey about getting my life together. I can only imagine how scary that would be. What I struggle most with is shame. Shame about how I spend/waste my time. Shame about how I constantly imagine I'm somebody else and surrounded by people that aren't real when I actually like myself and adore my family. Shame that every hobby I have somehow feeds my daydreaming by building the details that i fixate on.

You seem like you would be scared to let it go, me too. This is my mind, this is how it works. What do other minds do if they don't daydream... and by daydream, i mean complicated, plot oriented, character driven, novel material daydreams? I can't fathom it. It can't be task oriented thought all the time, so what about those down times? What would my thoughts be when not engaged in tasks?
I think MDs don't fully experience life and nonMDs don't fully experience thought. Just my opinion.

My hopes? to experience life more. The reality, the tangible, the happenings. Experience it vs. going through the motions. How to get there is a mystery to me and I feel more likely to sit down right now and solve a rubik's cube.
Still, it is my hope. In the meantime, I'm trying to use MD as one might use a trait considered as a gift to help me accomplish daily goals. Thanks for sharing

[lamira]

Hi Oxalis,
I find it interesting that whatever the subject of our ‘daydreams’ is, we share similar fears, that of not really advancing the way we would like to in our lives. Maybe through our idealistic daydreams, we simply build up such high expectations for ourselves therefore exaggerating the illusion in us that we are not advanced enough, I don’t know but I think that regardless of our real circumstances, it plays a little role. I really like how you reconciliate your MD, because I totally agree that by surrounding ourselves with people we care about, who inspire us, who guide us, we are better able to stay grounded, we can better evaluate WHERE we are at, and where we are going. We are after all social beings and it is through our interactions with others that we create our reality. Thanks for sharing :)

[lamira]

Hi Libby
Thanks for your nice thoughts. You made an interesting point that although ‘we MDs perhaps don’t fully experience life non-MDS don’d fully experience thought’. It just reminds us that there is no absolute right or wrong in the way of our being, and it’s just a bit more subjective than that.
I think the key thing is just a bit of discipline. As long as we can run our lives and accomplish our goals we can find our own right balance. There is no perfect balance, I think I even heard that everybody suffers from some form of mental illness in varying degrees. That’s why I can admit that despite feeling lost sometimes, and not being sure whether I am being productive enough, still in many ways Im glad that I can have access to this fantasy world. Now I feel that Im romanticizing Md, lol but it’s true that I cant really imagine HOW my mind would otherwise be occupied, or whether I would even be in the field which I love today. I also get easily bored and I need to retreat.

I would’t feel guilty if I feel fulfilled that I have accomplished more things, and I understand that feeling of guilt or shame about it. I think it is great that you feel satisfied and manage well other parts of your life like your career and family, while on the side a bit of harmless daydreaming…well why not : ))It also gives me hope, in fact in joining here I already feel much less alone :)))

[lamira]

oh I wanted to add someting about ritalin, I have been thinking of quitting too. It sets my imagination overdrive too but I feel exactly as you say overwhelmed, especially on the down side, everyhting irritates me noise, light and my mind is like a tv station, the ones with bad connection (you know grrrrchhh) I dont know how to say it, my english is not my mother tongue but I think you know what I mean.

[Magenta]

lamira said:

oh I wanted to add someting about ritalin, I have been thinking of quitting too. It sets my imagination overdrive too but I feel exactly as you say overwhelmed, especially on the down side, everyhting irritates me noise, light and my mind is like a tv station, the ones with bad connection (you know grrrrchhh) I dont know how to say it, my english is not my mother tongue but I think you know what I mean.

In reading about your experiences with Ritalin, I was reminded of my own with Adderall. Adderall was prescribed to me to help deal with the side effects of another drug I'm taking. Since the other drug was working so well, my doctor was reluctant to stop it, and prescribed Adderall instead of exploring other options. I only take the Adderall when I have class (I'm a grad student) or when I have my internship to help me focus. When I do take it, I am quick to anger, irritable, and noise sensitive. These are all common side effects of the drug, and for me, the benefits outweigh the cost for the most part. However, I find it difficult at times to daydream while on Adderall, and this can cause me to avoid taking it. I only have one semester of college left before I graduate, and I anticipate discontinuing my Adderall at that time.

[Sophia Miller]

yep thats me too. except my daydreams are more based on adventure with some sweet innocent romance sometimes (more often now because i am older) also i do have a hard time concentrating and i am terribly clumsy and forgetful. i never realized it was even a problem untill here lately. well welcome to our community. like you i love to daydream too. i just want to function better and not slip into daydreams so easily. this has been going on all my life. ever since i had the ability to daydream basically. i still tend to want to stay in my dreams. for me i have some methods that help me personally the one i like to use is simply acknowledging the reality of things. like i will look at my surroundings and try to focus on the physical appearance and touch things to feel the texture. and then i say in my mind "this is real" for some odd reason this brings me temporarily out of my daydreams. but i still slip back into them. i wish you the best with this and hope we can help you out some :)

by the way i know everyone is different but a doctor tried putting me on ritalin once. i went crazy, kicking and screaming and hitting. i had never done this before i was put on it and after being taken off i was fine. also i was put on some new medication for seizures last year that have some upsetting side affects like depression and anxiety so i am thinking of looking for an alternative if i can. not saying what your on is bad, i am just sharing my experiences.